Apologies to my readers. I am having some tech difficulties. Some assholes have hijacked my site & are redirecting it to   p  i  c   r  u  s  h      d o     t      c       o    m     what ever you do PLEASE DO NOT CLICK ON THEIR LINKS!!!! I have no idea what these fucks are up to but it is no good. That said. If you are NOT being redirected, than don't sweat it. If you know how to fix this issue feel free to leave me a comment.


I Have A New Dom

Just when you think I gave up on this, I have some wonderful news! I have a new dom! I guess I should tell you a little about him, as much as he will allow me to share of course. He has read the blog and has encouraged me to keep on writing. I am going to call him "Simon"

Simon closer to my age than any of the others I have mentioned here and that makes for a really good connection as we have a lot in common. I met him on a fetish dating site, he lives pretty close to me which is great. He's very, very tall which being short I greatly adore! I love looking up at a strong man. Yes, he's strong, literally he's ripped but not in a juiced out way, but in a nice sinewy way and has some chest hair which I also just totally love!

What really made me fall into his grasp is his excellent mindfuckery which seemed to start from the moment we first chatted. He has gotten me riled up only to fall back in laughter that I fell for what he said. He's also used this in more seductive situations that I will describe in later posts, for instance he's the first person to hypnotize me!

He is well equipped, and I am  not talking about his dungeon, which does have a nice one in his basement with oodles of toys, spanking bench and a rack. He's a handy guy, so he's building some other stuff for play.

What else is there to tell?  TONS. I just wanted to make this an introductory post about me and my adventures with the incredible Simon


Did I Mention

I spent the last year being a phone sex operator? I miss it.


Shake It Don't Break It

I am single. I am sans dom or even generic boyfriend. I am loving a lot of singledom, flirting and what not. Still getting acclimated actually and my ex keeps peacocking around, or make that cockblocking.

I have had one moment of sluttitude with a guy I've known for a long time. He had a long, thinish cock. Long good. Thin? I don't know. Why because"
1. None of us had a condom (I've since changed that, my purse is full). Back in the day I'd say "fuck it" but I have an IUD, and I don't want an STD.
2. We both had smoked a lot of weed which gave yours truly cottonmouth, the bane of the blowjob. He did spend a long time lavishing attention on my breasts.

I've seen this cat around numerous times since then, but it's been kind of weird. Not to mention Mr.Cockblock as I shall now call my ex came poking around a convo we were having.

Needless to say, I do not think this guy anyway has a kinky bone in his body, so that all said, I am not sweating him. Because I need a good hair pulling, a stinging spanking, and oh god, to be bound........


PS. Thanks

PS. I want to thank those of you who have clicked on ads while this blog was dormant. I seriously had 3 dollars in my wallet yesterday and to my name, and some kind soul joined a program. I hope you enjoyed the site you signed up for via and know that you have put a little moolah in my hopes of getting on my feet. (see below)

Back To Square One

Two years ago I left "Teacher" aside as I fell head over heels into the most crazy, intense, love affair of all time. So intense, that I found myself:

  1. Working in the adult industry, on my own accord, but pretty much supporting both of us. I have learned a lot about various fetishes and kinks the past two years, more than I ever knew.
  2. Becoming addicted to opiates. Now mind you, I took them pretty much recreationally, but as they were readily available, I took them enough to become quite a pillhead. Funny how I wanted to numb the pain when I am ultimately a pain slut.
  3. We had amazing sex, incredible sex and then those painkillers took hold of our lives and our libidos. Anyone who takes opitates regularly has the sex drive of a snail.  It was a very sore subject, and cause of a lot of fights and tears, but I fucking LOVED him. But often times I'd lay there thinking, "OK, I am in the prime of my life and I'm not getting fucked often enough" He offered to let me go outside the relationship to fuck around, but see, I am fiercely loyal. I couldn't. I didn't.
  4. Our BDSM adventures were sporadic, at best. He did it for me, when we did do anything. Also, when it got brought up, we'd be loaded and then realize it wouldn't be a SAFE thing to do.
  5. I did continue to write, but freelance.
  6. Amongst the chaos was a lot of good times. We were just volitle. We barely scraped by. Barely.
    No car, food stamps. I am staying on a friend's couch right now. It's going to take a lot of hustlin' to get back to where I can work again, live again.....
  7. I became so despondant and depressed, I, one who was previously a social butterfly started hiding out.
  8. THIS IS THE BIGGIE: I had a failed attempt at sucide. I am glad I failed. But the pain that was inside me, the fear, everything became too much.  I am happy to say I am very much on the road to health, taking care of myself.
  9. There is more to this story, but while I still love my EX very much, we finally realized it was important to my mental health for us to break up. A week ago, I couldn't haven't written this much without crying. Now I am feeling glimpses of freedom. Glimpses.
SO, where does this leave this freebird now? I still keep in touch with Teacher, it had been sporadic these past two years. I think partially because he said from day one my life with my EX was doomed. But I had to learn on my own I guess.

I want to learn to take care of myself, but I do, when I get my life sorted out, to find another Dom, one that is in my age range, no offense to Teacher, but I want a Dom who might enjoy the same music and movie as me.

Actually this is what I want:

1. A full time Dom. Is it possible THEY can be my lover, love of my life, husband and
2. A female slave of my own and
3. A male sissy service slave to come do the cleaning.

Dream on? Maybe, maybe not.

Until I really get back into the swing of the lifestyle I might not be posted as often, but I wanted say I am back!!!!


Back From Hiding

By popular demand, I've unhearthed my old posts for your reading pleasure.

A few updates;

1. Teacher is still in my life, as a friend and mentor. While we don't see each other often, we do see each other and he and my current love are friendly. They trade war stories and chit-chat.  
Also, we'll be both working for Teacher in the near future helping him turn out a  cadre of whore slaves, as I may have mentioned in the past, I have always wanted to top a chick.

2. The economy has bit my ass, as it has the asses of so many so--I'm officially a 'sex worker'--see the 'Call Me' button on the right. I should be live in a couple of days, do let me know that you're calling from this blog, this way if you want to talk about Sub Nouveau stuff, I'll know where you're coming from, literally and figuratively.

2a. Speaking of $$, those of you who have so kindly signed up to any of the sites advertised on here, thank you SOOOOO much. I don't make a lot, but the few checks here and there have been lifesavers!

3. I don't plan on posting any more stuff on here, but do check out my other blog from time to time.

Note: links removed



Yes, I don't maintain this blog much anymore, as you regular readers know, but I DO keep in touch with Teacher. He still is very much a part of my life. We don't talk every day, but several times a week. It wasn't easy at first, sometimes it still isn't.

I saw him tonight. I cry every time I see him. I hug him and still feel safe.

We hung outside, chit chatted & smoked. He's moved on to much more sordid adventures. He has six slaves of different rankings all over the US. These chicks are way more hardcore than I am. Several of them have fetishes to be impregnated. Some to be caged. One to be mute.  What they have in common is that they are all totally unlike me. Willing to submit to the point of no return.

"Why didn't you ask me to do those things"
"Cause that was not your thing, nor my purpose."

Me, well me and Dave are now living together. It's been a wild ride. We fuck like rabbits, we play rough, we've been through some hardcore life stuff together. I get spanked pretty often. I've gotten used to the anal sex. 

I'm planning on becoming a sex worker of sorts-phone & cam girl to make some loot. Teacher wants me to help him do a video. 

Did I ever mentioned they have talked on the phone?

I do blog about it.


You'll see stuff here from time to time. 

I still love Teacher. I do and could not ignore the significance of our first meeting almost a year ago and the impact (he hates that word) that he has made upon my life.



Baby Bird Leaves The Nest. Can She Fly?

I don't know how to even start this post.
This is the deal.
Mark and I are in love.
It was in the works for awhile, though there have been times where I've hated him.
While I've been busy being enamoured, I have felt at times I have not given Teacher my all.
While I have not been giving Teacher my all, he has been extremely busy with his work.
The entire time he has said, "Go X, have fun."
So I did. But it got to be where I was always talking to Teacher like he was my girlfriend, asking him advice about Mark all the time. He said it was no biggie, but it kind of made me feel guilty.
Our sex life started to dwindle a bit due to all the logistics involve, and I started to feel shitty about posting just about me fucking Mark, and how I have been having some of the most incredible sex.
So when Mark uttered the "L-bomb" on me the other night, and professed his desire for us to be an official item, my immediate reaction was to think "What about Teacher?"
Mark has known about Teacher, but not so much. I have always let it be known that Teacher is very important person in my life.
I didn't tell Mark my concern, but as I am wont to do, I just stewed in it and made myself very upset. I arranged to speak with Teacher last night.
Hysterical I was, crying and blubbering. Teacher laughed, "X, I will always be in your life."
"You will..."
"I knew this was coming, and in fact, I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner."
"You did? How?"
He mentioned a post of mine, but I am not sure exactly which one.
"I want you to do this. You NEED to do this X. I think know how it is going to end up, but you never want to look back on your life and regret that you never gave something a chance."
See Teacher knows all of Marks bullshit. I am handing over my heart, in a way, to a madman, but a wonderfully brilliant, funny madman and I can't help that I am in love. It has been a very long time since I've felt this. I do love Teacher, I do, it is a different love though and that is why I felt so bad even bringing it up with him.
"You're not offended"
"Why? I would be mad if someone told me that they don't love me in a way they love another."
"Don't be ridiculous."
I cried and cried and cried and I held on to him and still, even as he reminded me over and over that he was not going to disappear from my life I was scared he would.
"What if Mark doesn't want me to see you."
"We're just friends X. I'd love to meet him."
"No, not yet. Maybe you can talk to him though."
See while I went forth with this experiment in to Polyamoury thinking it was for me, I think it is unfair to do a half-assed job of it. No matter how cool either party said they were, I couldn't shake that I was perhaps hurting someone's feelings. Mark and I plan on having a semi-open relationship with conditions I don't want to write about just yet.
"I feel like a baby bird Teacher, a baby bird that has decided to leave the nest before it is ready, struggling with fluttering it's baby wings."
I did.
I do.
The rest of the night was lovely, yet I was not going to rest until I knew from Mark that he would be cool that I continue my friendship with Teacher.
"Absolutely! Don't you think I'm still going to have my girl friends? He means a lot to you X"

One thing about Mark that made me very happy was something he said about BDSM, as I have written he's very kinky, dominant most definitely, but has never deemed himself a Dom.
"I want to do everything you want and need X"
"Only if you want to Mark. It has to be real. It has to be organic."
"It is, I want to do these things for you." He reminded me of prior experiences dating subs. "But I need to know what you need."
"If anything, I need to be spanked. A lot. Not just a slap while we're fucking, but lots of spanking."

Another thing that made me very, very upset last night was this blog.

"Teacher, what about the blogggggg." I was crying
"Still do it."
"I can't," it is not fair.
"Yes, you must. What are you going to stop everything you love to do?"
"But you must not ever tell Mark about it. "
I heartily agreed with that.
"Will you let me write your Valedictorian address."
I laughed, "Yes."

So my readers, this blog is not going to vanish, quite the contrary, while I've thought I've ended my journey, I have realized I've only just begun.

Now where are my Kleenex?


State of the Sub Nouveau Address, Or I Am One Lucky Bitch

Note: Think this is going to be my last serious post for awhile, I have a backlog of fucking stories, but this is necessary to get back on track.

In only two months will be in the anniversary of my first meeting with Teacher. Pretty nuts. I was doing a mental recap of all that has transpired since he and I have first met and it is pretty mind boggling. I was no innocent when I first met him, in fact, I was a regular run-of-the-mill slut. Lots of drunken one-night stands, peppered with bouts of monogamy. Lots of boring mainstream fucking. I dressed like a tramp, flirted with dudes, but ultimately my rewards were slim.

I always thought of myself as a pretty decent fuck, but it has become increasingly apparent that I have blossomed into a very well trained slut thanks to Teacher's guidance, as well as inspiration from the smart motherfuckers who are blogging their personal smut along with myself. See, I big ass capital I am enjoying sex now like I have never have in my life. I am also having more sex now that I have ever had in my life, even when I was in long-term committed relationships.

Before I'd fuck, maybe I'd come if I was lucky, but like now I am hyper aware of my body and how it reacts during sex, how it interacts with my lovers, and how it affects my day-to-day life. From the clenching of my cunt around Teacher's or Mark's cock as I orgasm, to the gait of my walk. Teacher has not only molded me into a good beginnner sub, but a woman who is becoming much more confident interacting with others sexually. I have also had the pleasure of encouraging some vanilla girl friends of mine to become more proud of their sluttiness, and also had the displeasure of realizing a close friend is prude to her inner core.

In Teacher, I have found the calm in my storm. When Hurricane Subnouveau is blowing shit down with her 100 mph winds, Teacher can walk straight into the eye and make my sun shine. I can not imagine my life without my big giant Master.

In Mark, I have found my male mirror. He like myself, gets bored easily, and therefore we're always upping the filth ante. ike Teacher, he is a very un-selfish lover. I am also afraid I am falling very much in love with him and that my dear readers is not necessarily good, but I am not going to fight Cupid. That is Mark's job. He has tried to thwart Cupid's arrows, but Cupid is a tough little fucker. It is hard to explain the whole shebang, but Teacher is guiding me through a lot of my relationship with Mark. For instance, he's helped me get a tougher skin about Mark flirting with other women. "If he gets 1 X, you go get three!" So instead of clinging onto Mark while we socialize, being his shadow, cockblocking left and right, I go about my own business. Talking to men I know, talking to men I don't. While that is not unusual behavior for me, not sitting wasting my energy getting jealous is. It is working so far. Still I have a lot, a lot of fear. He's no holds barred.,

Teacher has been terribly busy with a big business deal and I started worrying he, even though he was the one busy, was irritated that I am spending a lot of time with Mark, but quite the contrary. He has been encouraging and has told me that he is glad I have Mark around, lest I be sitting around waiting for him.

So I started this earlier this evening & then Teacher came over. I read him the post & he laughed. We fucked. I adore him so.

Now that is all out of the way, I have so many crazy stories for you guys. I have lost count of the days I have not had sex, not had my face fucked, ass slapped, asshole probed, cunt used, throat coated with cum, nipples pinched.


In Brief

Still chaos city, but I'm enjoying myself along the opportunity to play for a cway.

Text I sent to Teacher earlier today "Do I still have a date with your dick tomorrow night?"
And I do. His sideshow hag has been a drama queen, so the poor guy has been dealing with two insane broads on top of his own bs the past week. He most certainly needs a blow job and perhaps to get his aggressions out on my hide.

Since Teacher was wrapped up last night, I had the chance to hang out with Mark. Let me preface saying this that I've never been a big "on top" girl. I think this is because as we all know I like to be manhandled, held down and what not. My previous pre-Teacher boyfriends were all pretty submissive and expected me to do all the work, hence my disinterest in riding ponying. But sometimes you don't have a choice and Mark wanted me to ride his cock last night and I obliged, and I am most certainly glad I did. I must preface this with the fact that I had been pretty much on the edge of arousal all day, not sure exactly why, but I knew the moment that either myself or one of my men touched my cunt I would cum pretty quickly. Well my prediction was right, but once I came, Mark would not let me off the ride, no I was, poor, poor me, made to sit on top so he could watch me come much more, my juices soaking the both of us. I'm not the most fit person in the world, so this was a big workout for me. He had me ride reverse cowgirl and proceeded to work three fingers into my asshole as I slid up and down his cock. That is all it took, and I had the biggest G spot orgasm I have had to date, but as I was finally catching my breath, we had a very annoying interruption...that my dear readers is not worthy of htis blog.


Transitions Part 1

Busy Week! Somehighlights

*Teacher informed me that when I moved into my new condominium he was going to fuck me on every threshold. He kept his promise! From the front door, to the bathroom he fucked me raw. My new home has been "christened" for a lack of a better non-religious word, with our subversive love!
*My favorite part of the move was watching Teacher walk out in broad day light with one of his big ol crops.
*I've been battling with both Mark and my feelings for him. I wrote on my Twitter earlier this week that Teacher mindfucks me consensually, and Mark just fucking mindfucks me without asking. His mindfucking, though, is your run-of-the mill cat and mouse game. This was supposed to be a fling, and well feelings happen, and I got attached. He got attached. He freaked.Both of us are very hot-headed, volatile, people and very sensitive. I think, for now at least, we're on a even keel for a day or two. In the midst of it all, we've had some very nasty, nasty sex...from toe jobs to fisting, if it is filthy, we've tried it this past week. So yeah one day I want to strangle him and one day I want to hug him. See Saw Marjory Daw.
*Both men have shown their testosterone packed desires to protect me from someone who is on my shit list. Ain't nothing sexier than to hear a guy tell you they'll kick someone's ass for you. Teacher even taught me some martial arts moves. I've been calling him Sensai all week.He's been working very hard with me on my mindset-from how I handle issues at work, to dealing with men, to my self-confidence, and even getting me to budget. He's gone beyond Dom now. I am a very spoiled woman. A lot of this is non-kink, but one, I think, must have a good foundation in their daily lifes so they can be an excellent sub. For instance, it is one thing for me to be submissive to Teacher, and even Mark on some level, but I don't need to, nor do I want to be treated as such by other men. If Teacher wants me to play doormat for him, I'll gladly disrobe and lay by his front door for him to wipe off his cowboy boots, but I am OWNED by him! I am no one else's doormat.
*I've also just had a lot of fucking fun with Teacher even during boring moving shit. Imagine if you will, your blogger jumping over Teacher naked like she was fucking trying out for the 2008 Summer Olympics.
*He's been texting me all day telling me how he's going to fuck me. I'm not sure if we'll have our first scene in my new abode, but I am certain when I do, it will be worth blogging.


Cool Kink Community

Taking a quick break from my madness to tell you guys about a very cool kink/fetish social networking community, that has quickly become very active. I'm not going to bad mouth some of the other kinky social networking sites, but I will tell you what I dig about FetLife is that its not polluted with bad graphics, the discussions are intelligent, and it is very easy to navigate.

It's free, but feel free to donate to the cause.



Cane Tester

Teacher bought a brand new cane this past week. He came over for a quick visit tonight, not to play, but once he told me about the cane I just HAD to see it. He went to his car to get it, and I pushed over a pile of laundry I had been folding.

He came back in, pulled down my running shorts and tested out the damn thing. OWWWWW!
There just happened to be a rolled up pair of socks in my reach and I grabbed them and stuck them in my mouth so I could not wake the neighborhood. He was quite amused when he was done and I turned around with them sticking out of my mouth!

Mind you this was just a quick test run, but here is a little shot.


Give 'Em Enough Rope

"So are you going to beat my ass tonight?" I chided Teacher.
"You have no idea, no idea"
He laughed at the other end of the telephone line.
I cowered. It had been awhile and I had fucked up numerous times. I was in for it.
"When you get home tonight I want you to check your email for instructions."
"Yes sir."
The email instructed me to have all his toys and whatnot ready, for me to be undressed, wearing only heels, the key in the mailbox and to be waiting for him.
I am writing this as I wait for him.
I'm scared shitless.
So I'm kneeling on my cushion waiting for Teacher, my body trembling trying to stay in position and from nerves. I heard the keys rattle in the door, and then I caught a glimpse of Teacher's shoes as he walked toward me and then crouched down to my level. He stroked my hair and moved his hands down my back. I shivered. He layed a big smack on my ass and led me to my room (I'm so tempted to write "chambers" but that would be ridiculous.)

Teacher cuffed my ankles together, and my hands together but did not connect the two. He put my gag in place and my blindfold on. He then had me positioned on my hands and knees with my ass handy for his punishment. Then I felt him tie a piece of rope around my neck.

My immediate reaction was to be fucking terrified. No, this was not cool. I didn't use my safe word, I could of, as it really was fucking with me. I started wimpering. "X..don't you trust me..."
I did, but I didn't trust the rope. I didn't trust myself not to move the wrong way and hang myself. It was a major, major mindfuck and I was not handling it. Teacher loosened the rope, but did not remove it.

That fucking rope dangled from my neck the rest of the night. I felt weak. Scared. Excuse the pun but all my fear was tangled up in that rope.

Of course I came out unscathed, well my neck, my ass was tore up. I have a new found hatred of the crop, but all the power and meaning I transfered to that one peace of cord really got to me.

Fuck you rope!


I have been unfair to Teacher. I took his permission to have another partner and neglected him.
Plain and simple.
It wasn't purposeful. It happened.
It happened because I've never done this before.
It won't happen again.
I have not been an ethical slut. I must read my book, that is why I bought it.


The Mathematician

"Can you handle it little one?"
"Yesss..." My eyeballs were rolling back in my head. I wasn't sure I could handle it, but I was going to handle it
whether I liked it or not. I'm game for anything, I won't let a little pain stop me on the way to a possible orgasm.
Thing is, I didn't know WHAT I was handling, or moreso how many fingers I was handling until I felt my cunt stretch around the width of
Mark's hand.
It went from a run of the mill pussy eating, to a pretty sweet finger banging ("fanger" as my friend & I used to joke), to getting dry fisted.
Well I was not dry, my pussy was nice and lubed from all the other work, but his hand was bone dry. His hairy knuckles were already deep inside me, I flailed around as my muscles clenched around his digits.
"They don't call it snatch for nothin'" I joked with him later on, "my cunt snatched up your hand!"
The feeling of getting fisted is quite different than getting fucked by a large dick, unless you have had the pleasure of being fucked by a dick with the girth of a deli bologna.
You feel the walls of your vagina being spread and prodded, your g-spot gets kneaded over and over.
Motherfucker is a counter. It drives me crazy. "How many times did you come."
"I don't know."
I didn't. I came at least three times, but when I'm in that multiorgasmal state, I kind of just consider it one big ass orgasm that goes and goes.
"At least three times."
That satisfied him. Hell, I was satisfied. I'm just a writer, not a mathamatician.
"Well, now it is my turn."
My cunt was red and raw from the fisting, but I was more than willing to get fucked by his sweet cock.
I put my legs over his shoulders and he slid his prick into my wet and stretched out pussy. Both of us were dripping wet with sweat. As he fucked my my tits slammed against my face. This happens anytime I get fucked this way.
What was that old joke about Dolly Parton jump roping and getting black eyes, I swear that is going to happen to me one day, or I am going to get smothered to death by my own breasts.
I've meditated on this before, but what the fuck, my two favorite parts of intercourse are the beginning and the end. I love the feeling upon first entry of a dick, and I love the feeling of when my partner cums.
Except I don't count.


Parallel Dating

Is a bitch.
Not that long ago, I was bemoaning being single. A long dry spell peppered with one night standsw.
I was certain I was destined to be alone.
I exuded it. Actually I exuded desperation in my over the top dress and behavior.
I took bad girl to a whole new level and it bit me in the ass.

Along came Teacher.
He became the calm in my storm. He guided me through the dark clouds into the light, even though what I was learning was sort of a dark art. After all BDSM, is not all bunnies and rainbows.
I fell in love.
Along came Mark.
He became the earthquake, rattling my solid foundation.
I became infatuated. Even though he was destroying my house, I had a morbid curiousty to see what would happened if I remained outside of the shelter as the ground shook.

Along came reality.
I kept going back from safety to danger.
When I was back where it was safe and warm, I was tired.
Unable to be fully there for Teacher. Still in my exhaustion, I kept running back to the danger.
Teacher noticed.
I disappointed him.
Failed. Even though somehow all of this back and forth made me love Teacher more.

I had to go out today and get a hammer and nails to repair the damage.
I'm afraid I still might need something stronger.
I'm still allowed to go to the disaster area, but this time I'm wearing a helmet.


So Sad About Us

When I think of blog titles, I'm often thinking of songs I like and then I realize later on that probably like only me and three readers get the jist of the blog title. This blog title is from a Breeders song.

Due to some serious drama, yours truly becoming highly involved with her lover Mark, and just needing to get shit done, I've had to take a break from Mark.

He's like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts fresh off they conveyor belt. They are so good, but they're so fucking bad for you. There is nothing good about them except the pleasure they give you. Mark doesn't give me a lot of pleasure, he stresses me out, so do to a lot of bullshit & my inability to properly manage a fling, I am having to step aside.

Thing is I fucking miss him already.

Teacher is on his way over here & I'm going have to dicuss all this with him. It is not news to him, but I am utterly confused. This is a total go-nowhere situation with a person who has some genuinely horrific issues, and for the love of God I am drawn to him.

I can get lots of dick, I can.
This dude, well he's certainly not anyone you'd want to settle down with. He barely has a job. Everyone but me seems annoyed by him.

Somehow I think in a year I'll cringe, but the motherfucker for the time being took a piece of my heart. He made some shitty comments about Teacher and BDSM, that really upset me, but I know he said it out of jealousy. He's a big baby. Truly.

I am, and I don't know if this is a sub thing or just a sub nouveau thing, very weak when it comes to men. I enable, I let myself get manipulated. I wear my vulnerablity and my heart on my sleeve.

I am far from a religious person, but I pray that I can manage to have some self-control. Actualy I don't, that is why I've given myself to Teacher.

Guys, I'm severely fucked in the head right now.

SN, in a post that will more than likely dissapear


Bloggus Interruptus

Once again various real-time issues have rendered me unable to write a decent blog post. Some have been pleasurable, a lot have not. But life goes on, as does this blog.

On the sub/sex side of things:

1. Teacher has upped my sub ante, as this is a transitional time in my life and I need his guidance more than ever. Our D/s relationship is becoming complex and not as sexually oriented. I am, for instance, to text him every morning when I get up, report my spending to him, have him help me decide what I am to eat. I am also to ask for permission to be with Mark, there is much more but I wish to keep it private. All this sounds pretty benign for a sub, but yours truly had been running amok the past months or so. This has been more painful for me than you can imagine, well at least at first. I am so used to doing what I want, how I want. It has, of course, bit me in the ass for over 30 years and I feel more like a petulant teenager than ever. When Teacher sat me down and reviewed some of my new tasks, I pouted. I fucking felt myself regress. Scary.
It didn't work. This is serious shit.

Teacher has also given me a bucketload of comfort during some tumultous times. I am having to retrain myself to not be so scared about not knowing what to do in certain situations.

2. Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark. We have both been riding the Crazy Train, I hopped off for awhile. In between lots of good sex, was lots and lots of drama. I had been looking for a lover, and well, it got way beyond that, more toxic than ever. We both are very needy people and we glommed on each other like a pair of leeches sucking the life out of one another. Actually, he was sucking the life out of me. As I write, I am giving myself a respite from him. I already miss him. One of my all time favorite songs is Squeeze's "If I didn't love you, I'd hate you." I don't love the guy, but I do like him a lot, I also fucking hate him. He stresses me out, drives me bonkers, never listens, is unpredictable, not mushy, but I guess there is something

3. Through all this I have realized how much I really Love Teacher. I do. I do.

Best Smut of the Week Sugasm #130

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #131? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Gross Spelling Errors Turn Me Off

“Here are a few other word issues that come up in sex writing that throw me off and drive me crazy.”


“I want time to sip my whisky, to drink you in as you unveil yourself, as you offer your body to my steady gaze.”

Learning My Limits (Part 1)

“It hurts. It’s gorgeous. ”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

24-Months of AVN Online, $0

Editor’s Choice

The Few, The Proud, The Pornless

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish

Catching Up on the Back Story

Cut to the chaste

A date with Lumpo

Damaged Lovers

Desire beyond reason but within bounds

Follow My Rules-Part 1

His Slut

It’s just a through and through


Messy Kitchen Figging and Thrashing Video

On fire

Points of Order

The Promise

What a way to start the day!

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Leave It to Beaver

Masturbation Month Is Here!

New At Nuts4chic - Pick Up Lines That Make You Groan

New Jimi Hendrix SEX Tape out Now!!

Rascal Wear Leather Wrist And Ankle Cuffs Review

Sex Toy Review of The Rude Boy For Babeland

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Audrey Bitoni and Angela

Bedroom Radio #14 “Sex 2.0 and Spanking”

Half-Nekkid on Silky Pillow Cases

Half-Nekkid Thursday: Flashing the Neighbors

Pictures ( a bed & 2 guys!)

Sasha Grey (Goddess)

Scarlett Johansson - Fucking Hot Babe in Red

Sex Advice

Putting the “Play” Back into Playing with Yourself

Strap-Ons 101

Erotic Writing and Experiences




I want….

A Perfect Ten

Possibly the best, so far


Tease and Denial are NOT Reciprocal

Under My Thumb

Sex Work

Reality Check: Asshole Clients

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Am I or Aren’t I?

Green eyed monster

The Inevitable

Leave a comment →


This Bitch Got Fleshbotted-Again

Nothing warms the cockles, or the cocks of a sex blogger's heart than getting props on Fleshbot. It's been awhile, but I got my second round of props thanks to Always Aroused Girl. Here's the link to the when I lost my Fleshbot blog round-up virginity.

For those of you who have not been to this site before, a quick run-down: I'm still pretty new to the BDSM game, my Dom is "Teacher," and when I'm not busy getting my ass spanked, tits tortured, figuring out what it means to be a sub, I fuck around with other men. I hope you enjoy my filthy little tales. Subscribe, bookmark, jerk-off and please come back! After all, I don't plan on closing my legs or mouth any time in the near future.


All day long I dream about sucking dick.
I do.
I think I am the reincarnation of an 18 year-old hormonal gay boy.

The more cum I swallow have the more I want it. I'm Countess Cumula.

Mark has been getting on my nerves a lot, he's very high maintenance, emotionally detached and whatnot, but still I think about going over to his apartment to suck his cock. Just that. I think about doing that and running, but he always traps me. Last night I sucked him off and the minute I got the first taste of pre-cum, I wanted to continue, to quench my thirst, to taste the little bit of power I have. Every time he tells me I'm one of the best cocksuckers he's had and he's had his cock sucked quite often, I glow. When he told me the other night that I've "improved," that sort of pissed me off, but I pointed out to him I was pretty nervous the first couple of times because he's so goddamn particular. I take that as a challenge.

Numerous times I've been told by men that it is difficult for them to get off by a blow job, and always, almost always I succeed. SUCKCEED.

But this power exchange goes both ways. When Teacher informed me just yesterday of how he was going to take over all management of my life, from what I eat, to how I spend my time and money, he sealed the deal by whipping out his hard cock and having me suck on it as he spoke to me of his ownership of me, my mouth, my body, my soul. I wanted to get him off so bad, so he would know that I am truly worthy of this energy he's spending on his fucked-up sub, but instead he pulled it out of my hungry mouth, zipped up his pants, and chuckled. He was not going to let me be his cum vampire.

When I was younger I had many men, or rather stupid boys force me to give them blow jobs, forcing my head down, humiliating me not giving me a chance to do it on my own volition, or at least hone my skills. This used to upset me, and sort of still does because these were not men worthy of my tongue. But, when Teacher or Mark grabs me by the throat and fucks my mouth I am appreciative of their animal lust. Also, when it is all said and done, they hold me and don't toss me out the door, shun me, or ignore me.


Does A Scene A Switch Make?

So I informed Teacher that I wanted to top a chick, specifically that little whore he played with awhile back, the sub newbie. He said he'd arrange it. This is the perfect outlet for me to work through my jealousy issues and get my rocks off at the same time. While I am definitely submisssive to men, I've always had lesbo fantasies that have involved me doing what I want to another woman, never them doing anything to me. So does that make me a switch? Or is that just a situational thing?

Anyway, I told him what I want to do that little bitch. I want to blindfold her, I'll have him hog-tie her as I can barely tie my own shoe laces. I may or may not gag her. Actually I might gag her and not blindfold her so I can see the terror in her eyes. I will probably get her ass all rigged out, then take a little smoke break across the room, making her slut ass wait.

I'll walk back towards her and blow my last puff of smoke out in her face, "You little fucking slut, what makes you think you can submit to my man, huh? Are you worthy as I am? I think not! You are most certainly not as pretty as I am? Look at you, you can't even keep the man you have (I'll throw in a lot of personal info I know about her relationship woes)."

When she starts tearing up from my verbal abuse, I'll start with a few thwacks of the crop to her ass. Teacher said she is not to be marked due to her relationship situation. That, of course, makes me want to mark her, but I must listen to Teacher.

"Can you suck dick my dear?"
She'll muffle "yes" through her gag.
"You can? How can you suck dick through a gag?"
"I bet you most certainly can't suck dick as well I, but I'll let you give it a whirl."
I'm thinking I'll have Teacher nearby to tease her with his cock, but then I'll fake her out and shove a big rubber dildo in her mouth, and shove it, and shove it until she gags.
"Oh my dear you can't seem to deep throat a cock. No wonder why you can't keep a man!
I will laugh in her face. I might slap her across the face a few times with the dildo. I honestly don't wish to bring her to subspace as much as I'd like to humiliate her. I'll then shove that dildo back in her mouth and tell her she is to keep it there and if it falls out of her fucking mouth I will make her regret the day she was born.
"Let's see, I think I need to see what you might have that a my man would want. It is obviously not your oral skills. Hmmm..."
I will walk behind her and without warning shove my dry finger in her cunt. "Let's inspect this pussy of yours. Spread your legs!"
Of course she can't spread her legs much because of the way she is bound, the stupid bitch struggles.
"Spread your legs! What a fucking moron!"
"Teacher did mention you had the IQ of a rat."
"Well that is not going to work. Roll over bitch and let me see those tits."
I'll push her over onto her back, exposing her breasts.
"Keep that dildo in your mouth!"
I pick up one of her breasts and let it slap back down onto her chest. From what I gather she has not the tautest tits in town and I will remind her as such. "Such a shame your tits look like they're from an 80-year-old National Geographic model. Look at my tits you sad thing, these my dear are what tits are supposed to look like" I will shove my breasts into her face, making the dildo pop out of her mouth."
"I said keep that fucking plastic cock in your mouth! You fucked up slut!" I pick up the dropped toy and smack the living shit out of her face swith it and pop it back in.
I grab her other tits and tug at her nipples, pinching them till her eyeballs pop out of her head.
"Enough of that. You're quite boring for a whore."
"I still need to get a gander at your cunt. Lord knows I can smell that thing across the room." I'll cackle. "You know, I think I need to have another smoke. Can you please hold this for me while I got get my cigarettes?" With one fell swoop, I slam a butt plug into her ass catching her totally off guard, she bites into the dildo. "Good job little slut, maybe you're an ass whore, or is that asshole?"
I go and have a few cigarettes and a drink, take a bathroom break and return to the room "Oh you're still there. Sorry to keep you waiting" I yawn. "So where was I? Oh yes, I need to give you an exam."
From there I unbuckle her feet but keep her wrists still bound. I remove the plug.
"Let's see this pussy" It is shaved bald.
"You were told not to shave bitch!" I pinch her labia till she squeels. Upon release, I spread her lips open, exposing her clit to the air. I take a quick lick, making her moan."
"The taste is alight, but I suggest you limit your fast food intake." I go slap on a pair of gloves and grab a bottle of lube. "Now I need to check out the size of your pussy. My man can't deal with a loose pussy." I slather the lube on my gloves and work my entire hand into her cunt, fisting her and she's buckling and trying her damnedest to keep that dildo in her mouth.
"That pussy is pretty loose girly, you might consider vaginal reconstruction surgery. I've hurt it doesn't hurt as much as this" and while I fist her with one hand I slam back in the butt plug, all dry and big into her ass. She gasps. Miss thing can't take it much more and I feel her vaginal muscles start to clench around my hand.
"I suggest you don't come at this time"
She moans.
"If you come you will regret it."
The bitch is in la-la land and I let her come around my hand, drenching me down past my wrist.
"Oh dear you came, you're going to have to get punished for that."
I go get the paddle. I have decided my spanking skills won't be as such to leave more than a bit of red on her ass, but enough to make her whine. I make her bend over with her hands on the nearby dresser, and give her about 20 wallops on the ass. The stupid thing is all teary eyed.
"Man you are a big ol' pussy. You think THAT hurts? And you want Teacher to play with you? I don't think you could handle it, much less your big cavernous hole of a cunt and beanbag tits!"
Oh she cries and cries.
"Don't be such a baby." I release her wrists, pull the dildo out of her mouth and the plug out of her ass and give her a quick hug. "Want some water."
She nods. I give her some. She continues to cry. "Quit blubbering. I have my own stress. Go take a shower." She obliges. She comes out in a towel, I make her dress, make her leave, and then go to have Teacher tie Me up and beat the ever living fuck out of me.

Ass Holes and Assholes

Crazy weekend for me. I cant' go any further, but I can tell you how far I went.

A. Last night on our way out on the town Mark said to me, "You know what I'm going to do you to tonight if you get drunk again?"
"Fuck me in the ass?" This happened last time I got loaded.
"Yes," his eyes gleemed. He had an evil smile and I sort of cowered.
"Guess I'm getting drunk!"
"You are such a dirty girl."
"I know and that's why you like me." I had honestly planned on laying off the sauce save a beer or two, but I upped my intake just a tad. I didn't get wasted, but I was feeling good. Some hot chick was flirting with me and bought me a drink. I took every opportunity I could to flirt with others in front of Mark. He's done the same and more, and I felt the need to show him I had game as well. Plus, it made me feel even more sexy and devious."
Our cab ride home was a short one, but it felt kind of long.
"You know what is coming to you tonight don't you X" he whispered in my ear.
I blushed.
Back at the apartment Mark didn't dilly-dally. he had me undress save my heels and pumped out globs of lube for our play. "Are you ready X? Let me check you out." He thrust a few fingers in my asshole to prime me up for his cock.
"As I'll ever be" Well that is a lie, I wasn't even tipsy at this point. I knew I'd feel some of the burn, even his fingers hurt.
"You like the pain bitch, you know it," he growled as he inserted his thick-ass dick in my asshole. I screeched. "You want me to stop"
"No,' I panted "Go on!" And go on he did, fucking my little asshole from above, my head smashed into the bed. Oh the pain, but it felt so good! A I felt like such a filthy slut and that is what turned me on. He was not gentle whatsover, he was ramming his cock balls deep inside, and all the while pulling my hair like the reigns on the horse. As I came the first time, he was almost laying directly on top of me and I almost lost my breath between the pressure of his body and the intense wave of orgasm. Slam! Slam! Slam! I cursed and sceamed with joy and pain which enveloped one another. Mark did not have to indicate when he was going to come because those final slams into my rectum were like he was trying to reach my throat via my asshole.
Intense. Intense. Intense. Needless to say we both slept like babies.

B. I'm a bit of an asshole, a hypocrite. Tonight I found out that Teacher had met up with another woman two months ago, a girl a few years younger than myself who was looking to learn about BDSM, but is embroiled in some heavy drama. I was mostly irritated he didn't tell me till now, but he said he didn't think I could handle it back then.
"Teacher I can't lie, I feel a bit jealous."
"You realize you're saying this right after you told me you got the living hell fucked out of your ass."
"I know, I know. It's just the thought of you getting to know and love another woman..."
"It's not like that X, no more than you and Mark"

It's silly, I want my cake and to eat it to, but I don't want share my cake. He said he didn't kiss her which made me a bit relived. I really don't kiss Mark that often. He's a bit of a closed off wall other than when we have some hot sex. When he does get mushy it throws me for a loop.


The Softer Side

"Can you be here by 9 O'clock?" Mark inquired.
"Sure, I mean I'm not going to get dolled up or anything."
"Not dolled up? Why not?"
"Welll..we're just watching a movie"
"You don't have to wear a heels or anything, but makeup is always good." I heard something about a dress, but I couldn't make out if he wanted me in a dress or not in a dress.

I can't lie, I tend to get slack sometimes. As much as I liked getting gussied up, once I get comfortable with a person I tend to not get all glam when we're doing just random hanging around the house. I've done this to Teacher, and I guess I started doing it to Mark. I kind of thought he acted funny the other night when I was wearing just a big t-shirt and I made a mental note to never do that again.

But I was glad to hear he liked makeup. I've had boyfriends on either side of the fence, and I like the ones who want me painted pretty so this was a non issue.

In light of my grubby t-shirt episode, I decided that I wasn't going to dissapoint him and put on short jean skirt and a simple black sleeveless top. Nothing fancy, but definitely hot. I also didn't wear any panties, because all my cute ones were in the laundry.

We watched a good movie, sat next to one another, but nothing more eventful than a random graze of the leg. Later on we were looking up some stuff about the movie online and while he plucked away at the keyboard I laid on my stomach, facing him watching him type.

He turned around, we started talking about Robert Deniro and in the midst of my diatribe of the shame of DeNiro doing crap like "Meet the Fokkers," Mark make his way behind me and worked his hands up my skirt, to my pussy and without much warning, crammed his fingers in my cunt.
He worked me up until I was wet and then released his hand. "Do you want me to fuck you."
"But of course...."
"Leave your clothes on." Now this readers, this made me hot. I once read in a old girlie magazine I found in my parents room the text of a centerfold who said that she thought leaving some clothes on while she fucked was sexy. I've never forgotten that, nor her fisherman's knit sweater, Frye boots, and hairy 70s pussy.
He pushed my skirt up around my waist and entered me from behind. With only my ass exposed to him, I felt both sexy and vulnerable, and mildly naughty.
We usually fuck pretty rough, but tonight was slow and erotic and then a few bursts of hardnesses. We moved together in time, he holding my hands, tickling my back, nuzzling my neck like he's never done before.
"Who fucks you the best X?"
Sorry fellas, if you ask a girl that question you are going to always get the answer you want to hear "You." Now if that is true or not, that shall never be revealed. I am not one to dissapoint, and yes he is definitely one of my better lovers, so for the night, yes he fucked me the best.
"Wha do you like about me fucking you?" he whispered into my ear as we rode on one another.
"Your big thick cock," that I said and turned around enough to watch him fuck me and look up at him.
The music we were screwing is pretty obscure, so I won't mention it, but I'm not sure if it was purposeful, but there were a few moments where it seemed like we were fucking to the beat.
"Let's get the bra off of you" and with a fell swoop, my breasts were exposed, he toyed with my nipples as I felt the inital hints of orgasm. "You're about to come aren't you?"
He knew it.
His roomate, the prude, was home so I had to be quiet. It is not easy for me to be as such, so as I came I had to bite down on the nearest thing and that was his arm. While I didn't draw blood I left a nice sprinkling of teeth marks near his wrists. Unlike myself, he chose not to be quiet and let out a huge groan as his prick made the final slams into my cunt.
When it was all said and done, my skirt was drenched with sweat, as was both he and I and his bed.
It was nice to have a bit of a softness for a change, because it is going to make the rougher times ahead so much more pleasurable


Down The Hatch

I wanted one thing.
His cock.

Yesterday was Mark's birthday, but despite a text from him expressing his horniness for me, by the time I got to meet up with him, he seemed pretty fatigued. We laid on his bed, snuggled and chatted. After a few days of being cranky, my libido was in full swing and I was just not going to hang out. I had a limited time to be there, so I had to drop my sub hat for the evening and take the initiative. Mind you for those new to the blog, this guy is merely kinky, not a Dom.

As we snuggled, I scratched my fingers down his belly, towards the waistband of his jeans. I flapped at the loose piece of leather on his belt, "Well Mark, I think being that is your birthday you deserve something good. Would you like me to suck your cock?"

You didn't think he'd say "no" did you?

He didn't give me time to unbuckle his belt, he did it himself, and quickly unzipped his Levi's unveiling his hard-on to my eager mouth. I gave his cock a tongue-bath, moistening it before I took him between my lips, and deeper towards my throat. I learned early on that Mark was not too into the deep throat thing, despite my prowess, so I focused on working on and around the head, waiting for the salty taste of his pre-cum. As I worked on him, I remember a technique a friend told me a gay guy taught her her once, basically all it involved was moving your head back and forth pretty fast, I wish I could describe it better, but it did the job. It went from your average blow-job to Mark's legs tensing up giving me the que that he was going to explode and explode he did, a hot wash of cum made it's way down my throat and I secretly patted myself and my friend's gay pal on the back.

I put a lot of pressure on myself regarding blowjobs, I live in small pond and the last thing I want getting around is that I give head! I want all the boys clamoring to stick their cock down my whore mouth.

I'm that kind of girl.

We started hanging out some more, and I started thinking that my lover was going to be selfish this evening. One thing I never do is beg, so just as I started considering leaving Mark told me to take my pants off (I never did undress for the bj.)
"Let me eat that pussy." As much as I like giving head, he loves eating some cunt. You can tell when someone likes to eat pussy versus those who view it as just another sexual task. Those who love to eat pussy will go on without removing their tongue or coming up for air. These connoisseurs will go on about their business with the glaze of cunt juices on their face. Ain't nothing worse than a half-assed pussy eater. I'd rather read a magazine.

Mark is one of the better ones. He forcefully spread my legs which immediately made me wet. My labia were pulled apart and my clit perked up awaiting his licks. I almost thought he had spoken with Teacher because last night he found my magic spots..right under the clit and on on the right side, not dead on. As he worked I worked pumping the muscles in my pussy to further enhance the entertainment. I shall not reveal the record, but two songs into it I was digging my nails into his arm and came in one big pulse that ripped through my body. It felt pretty fucking good.

I can not lie, I would have loved to have that cock inside me last night, but the oral sex was pretty fab so I can not complain.

Tonight is Teacher's turn with me. My pussy is sure to not be hungry when he leaves!

(thanks for visiting Fleshbot readers!)


Damaged Lovers

Crazy. Both of us. Certifiable with medical records to prove it.
On the crazy scale I'm about a 6 and he's about a 9.
"Sickness attracts sickness," someone once told me, and they were fucking accurate.
Some of it happened during shipping, but most of it happened upon arrival.
Both of us.

I'm exhausted, so fucking exhausted as I write, but I want to write now not later. I am having a lot of confusion right now, a lot of stuff I'm refraining from sharing because it is too complex and some I need to run by Teacher first.

So I meet up with Mark prior to going out on the town. His roommates were not around and we had the house to ourselves, meaning I didn't have to worry about being loud. We always have
the music blasting, but still. Things went from zero to sixty in like two seconds. We were making out and then the next thing I know he slaps me across the face, he rips of my clothes, bites my neck and tugs at my hair. My mouth is directed towards hard cock. I lick and suck his swollen prick.
'Want me to fuck your face?"
"Whaha" Who can really talk with dick in the mouth? I can't.
My skull is grabbed and his cock hits the back of my throat again and again.
He gives me a moment to breath and then hits my tonsils again.
I'm a slut.
We fuck like animals, it was the kind of fucking where you just get into that groove where you become one entwined sweaty mass of fuck. We moved from a soft slow rythm, to him drilling my cunt like there's oil up dem dare hills. I see stars. I come like a monster. The luxury of being loud I take advantage of and moan from the depth of my gut.
I start to come again and he joins me, I feel him shake above me and release.
A few moments of post coital tenderness.
We must smoke outside.
"My heart is racing" Mark says as he gets dressed. I just am sitting there spaced out.
"Are you alright X?"
"Yeah, I am just a little out of it." Apparently getting your brains fucked out is not a euphemism.
We are out the bar, I'm waiting for my first drink. We mutually agree that we're both still a bit out of it. "Now that is a good natural high."
Yes it is. Too bad I don't stop at that.
Just me.
Not him.
He can hold his liquor.
Not I.

There are moments of tumult. I apparently think I can drive. He, thankfully does not agree.
We argue about this that and the other on the cab ride back to my apartment.
I say something that pisses him off, the shit gets emotional, he tells me some heavy shit.
"What about your shit X, you never tell me your shit."
I tell him why I'm crazy.
I cry. I'm mad because I cried.
Volatile both of us. We can explode at any second.
The whole thing is crazy and I know it, but that's how I roll.

The fighters fuck.
"You want me to fuck you in the ass X?"
"You know we couldn't do it before, you really want me to fuck you in the ass."
He was too big for me before, I couldn't make it past the head of his cock.
"Yes, I want you to fuck me in the ass!"
"You want me to fuck you in the ass?"
"Yes, yes, fuck me in the god damned ass!"

Being the sick person I am, I'm determined. Pain schmain.
My ass, his dick are lubed.
"You're not just getting the cock in the ass X, you're going to have this in your pussy while I fuck you."
I had just acquired a curved glass g-spot dildo.
DP=Double Pain
If you're going to be a slut, you better do it fucking right. Right?

The Jack Daniels is still floating around in my system and has properly done its job and numbed my asshole. It wouldn't have mattered at that moment.
My grave was dug. I brought the shovel.

It fucking hurt like a motherfucker, but I rode the pain and I rode the cock.
Mind over matter.
It pays to have a tight snatch. The dildo stayed in place and banged along with they rhythm of his cock.
Do your Kegels ladies. Every red light.
Pain coupled with pleasure is the name of the game.
The double stuffed cunt did the job and provided me with an orgasm.

I wake up.
He's snoring.
My head, my body, my ass are throbbing in time.
I was supposed to call Teacher.
See blog below


Bad Sub Nouveau

"I let you off the leash X and you were expected to come back. You didn't and that is very disrespectful."

I had Teacher's permission to hang out with Mark yesterday, and his only request was that I contact him to update him on my whereabouts.

I fucked up.

Teacher wasn't asking for much and I am very grateful I have someone who cares if I get home safely.

So I called Teacher and apologized for my negligence and being disrespectful to him. Needless to say he was pissed off. He thanked me for apologizing, but he said he was going to have a talk with me about this later today.

I could write a good post about the sex I had last night right now, but it doesn't feel right. Submission is not just about sex, and even if this was a Vanilla relationship I still would be in the wrong.

You guys will get the smut later on.


Bitch In Heat Part 2 -The Power of Pussy

My evening wasn't exactly over with Mark. After our session, we went out to a local bar to drop off some CDs. Oh it is a small world, while were there I ran into a Mr. Badnews, this dumb ass drug dealer dude I used to hook up with back in the day. He was a decent fuck, but I always regretted my times with him because ultimately we'd end up somewhere unsavory with unsavory people doing unsavory things. Mr. Badnews has long black hair and olive skin, part Native American and part asshole. I've gone from telling him to fuck off to laying around naked in his apartment doing lines of coke off a record cover to telling him to fuck off. We exchanged hellos and gave each other the "yep, we fucked a look." I was in the midst of catching up with him when I felt on a tap on my shoulder being beckoned by Mark to get ready to leave. Oh, but the world is much smaller than that, then as we walked towards the exit I ran into another dude, this one I had a huge crush on in college. He used to look like Bono. Now he looks like Mr. Clean. Anyway my crush came to fruition one disappointing night where he rubbed my clit so fucking hard it was raw the next day. He was determined to make me cum and I was too young and stupid to tell him to give it up.

Mark wanted to hook up again, but I knew Teacher would be waiting for my call. I bid Mark adieu and drove home, excited, nervous, and very aroused.


I sat outside my apartment smoking waiting for Teacher's headlights to reflect from the windows on the house across the street. As he approached I felt a huge smile spread across my body. "This is fucking insane" I thought to myself, but hey you only live once.

Teacher had a big shit eating grin and I broke out in giggles.
"How's my little slut"
Oh, he knew, boy did he ever know. He gave me a big hug, and a bigger kiss. As we kissed I felt safe and happy that I was with a man so open-minded. Or let's make it a man who been encouraging me to embark on various sexual adventures and helping me realize that my promiscuous tendencies are not a bad thing at all. In a nutshell a Dom who has taught me to embrace my inner slut. My outer slut as well. While I'm under Teacher's control I'm learning how to have other men under MY control on a certain level.

I'm kicking myself for not writing this part of the blog last night because my dear Dom was chock full of one liners last night that have seemed to have vanished down the drain with the sweat and sperm. He spoke of how he was happy to see me happy and to realize what I am doing is a good thing. He, like myself, was also glad to have happy X back. After two weeks of feeling assy it was good to be on an even keel.

It wasn't too long before Teacher had me undressed and was sucking on my nipples, his forte. Immediately I felt myself get wet and it wasn't long before he had me four on the floor, my ass in the air waiting for him to slip his cock in my cunt. I felt both his hands grasp my neck and I gasped for air and plunged his prick in while releasing his grip on my throat. I knew it was not going to be that long came and I did so fucking hard the muscles of my pussy pushed is cock out of me.

He wasn't going to give me a break. He had me lay down with my legs apart, I though he was going to go down on me, but no he had other ideas. Fisting.

I think I've mentioned this before, but Teacher's got some big ol' hands. Giant mitts. Two of his fingers equal a healthy sized cock. Dousing my already wet cunt with lube, he put one, two, then three digits in sideways and I buckled. "Try four, I can take it." OW! It hurt. It hurt good. From what he told me later on, there was no way a thumb was going to make it in, but that was fine with me. As he twisted and turned in my cunt, he pressed down on my mons with his free hand. I was in eyeball rolling back in the head heaven, coming strongly gripping him harder than his own handshake.

Still no break, Teacher wanted more of my cunt. He laid me on my side, taking me in the spooning position, which with his angled cock is perfect for hitting me right where it counts. As he rammed back and forth, I reached back and held on to his thighs. I'm a leg girl. I love strong legs and Teacher has some. I was on the verge of coming, but he beat me to the chase, which considering how awesome my night was, there was no need to be greedy. I felt his body tighten up behind me, and he grabbed my throat once again rendering me breathless as he came inside me.

When we were done. I sat up on the edge of the bed. "I feel drunk."
I did. I was full of adrenaline, racing endorphins, raging hormones (my own and the shit in the Red Bull), nicotine, caffeine, spit, come, blood and sweat. How the hell I managed to write the first part of the blog is beyond me.
This morning I could barely walk into my office and about an hour into work I started daydreaming about the night before and felt myself get aroused. It was a long day, but the moment I got home, I dropped my bags at the door, tore off my clothes and fucked myself real good. Everyone is hot for me, including myself, and that is a good thing!

Bitch In Heat - Part 1

This bitch has had her period this week and all the dogs have been sniffing around, trying to jump over the fence.

Upon getting permission from Teacher yesterday to see Mark tonight he said, "Sure, but I want to see you afterward."
"OK" I was a bit confused as I've never seen them on the same night.
"Don't worry, I won't be to rough with you."
"Ohhhhh..." Master of the Obvious here took a few moments to realize that Teacher wanted to fuck me after I had been fucked by Mark. Must be a guy thing I figured.
"Now X, just to let you know this is not a competition, I told you the other night I when I want you, I have you and I want you tomorrow night."
"Yes Sir."
"Now you are not to tell Mark that you are seeing me. I am flexible about the time, but I am going to see you no matter how late." He's a night owl, that's why we get along so well.

As soon as he hung up I started wondering how I was going to work this out logistically. It already felt like it was going to be "Three's Company 2008." I've never fucked two guys on the same day, much less had two dates. Mark had already mentioned doing out to a local nightspot as well as staying at my apartment. He's a very persuasive person, and I had already realized earlier in the week that I was going to have to learn to say "No" to him, something that is hard for a pleaser such as myself. But, I recalled reading some where that setting time limits and saying "No" to dudes sometimes works to your advantage, so I came up with some semi-legit reason for making it an early night.
Lunchtime today I bought two cans of Red Bull. I had the mental energy, but I was afraid of being exhausted having had very little sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was be a dead fuck for both of my men.

Ran home from work, took a shower, and drove over to Mark's house. It was nice to see his face, it had been awhile. We spent some time listening to the demos of his new album and catching up. He had asked me to bring my new gag over, so I took it out and showed him, as well as gave him some of the condoms I picked up at the conference. It wasn't too long before he had me on his bed kissing on me, nibbling on my ears and throat. While I trust him, being a non-Dom, I made sure he put the gag on just right so I could pop it out of my mouth if I had to do as such. A girl's got to protect herself, right?

Gag in place, my rocker turned into an animal and ripped off my red push-up bra and pulled off my panties. He slapped me across the right cheek and I saw stars, immediately I was moaning. He gnawed on the back of my neck and I yelped into the rubber ball. It felt so fucking good. He had me face down, doggy-style and started ramming his thick cock into me like it was going out of style, pulling my hair with both hands and moaning my name. My cunt contracted around his cock in orgasm, I thrust my ass back towards him for more and he smacked my ass with each thrust, the orgasm didn't stop and I keep coming over and over as he tore my pussy up. As he came, he had his arms around my neck choking me as he tensed and groaned. We collapsed into a sweaty sated puddle.

After a few smokes and a couple of records, Mark was ready for round two. "Want more cock or me to eat your pussy?"
He didn't wait for me to answer, which is style. "I want to eat your pussy."
Who was I to argue.
"You dont' mind me being on my period and all."
"Baby, I'm a vampire."
Right On!
I've written on here before that I think it is cool when guys are not squeamish about period sex, but to have a guy go down on you while you're menstruating is so fucking filthy, and so goddamned sexy because it is so dirty.
"Now get those fucking clothes off." I obliged and laid back and spread my legs open for his tongue. I've had many a guy go down on me, and well most do a rotten job, but I must say this guy has the skills. Like Teacher he knows his way around a pussy, and I was overjoyed when he pulled the hood of my clit back to get down to Grand Nerve Central. As he licked and sucked at my cunt, I pulled at his hair and pulled on my nipple with my free hand. As I came, it was all I could do not to smother him with my thighs.

As satisfied as I was, I was scared he'd wanted to go for another round as I had to save some of my energy for Teacher. "Alright, let's go to the bar."


Tomorrow, Part 2, Teacher Fucks His Proud Slut.


Different Strokes

By the time I headed home from work last night I was wound up to the point where if I was a dude it would be either fuck or fight. To say I was in a foul mood would be an understatement. Between a weekend full of various car related debacles, family bullshit, and throngs of bargain crazed customers I was mentally and physically exhausted. Add a visit from "Aunt Flo" and well it is amazing I didn't spontaneously combust. It was one of those rare times where I actually wanted my weekend to end so I could start fresh.

Poor Teacher has had to deal with me being a basket case since the fiasco in Atlanta and all the garbage that I threw in the basket afterwards. Being the excellent Dom that he his, he knew exactly what the medicine I needed was to recover.

He gave me ample time to calm down after work, but I still was on edge when he opened the door to my apt. Naked, wearing some new peep toed platforms, I didn't feel as sexual as I would normally. It was like all the anger and angst had coated me with a film and rendered me lackluster. As he unpacked his bags though, I felt my tension subside a tad.

I brought out my shiny new gag for Teacher to buckle around my head Once it was secure in my mouth, I had a few moments of panic that I don't think Teacher saw because he was still getting his tools together. Being gagged always makes me a bit scared. Being highly neurotic I think of shit like that I'm choking on my own saliva. I have to remind myself to focus on breathing through my nose.

Once he was all settled, Teacher slipped a new leopard print blindfold over my eyes and had me put my arms behind my back to cuff and clip together. I think it was because I was still in panic mode, but I couldn't seem to bend over correctly for him to hogtie me. I kept collapsing and falling over. I started to think he'd just say "Fuck it" and leave. As they say in certain circles, I was a hot mess!

Finally I had my shit together, bound and in position I felt the tickle of the tip of little strand on the top of Teacher's crop. Those pleasant tickles didn't last for long. Teacher whipped my ass like he had never done before and I screamed into the rubber ball.

Switching from the crop to the suede flogger mighty wallops felt across my ass and back. My ascent into subspace began. I started wondering if I could take it. It seemed like forever and my skin was fresh.

Out came the dragon tail, and they don't call it "Dragon" for nothing. Stupid me moved at one point while the leather was flying and a blow destined for my ass instead went right between my asschecks striking my pussy. If I was able to I would have flown across the room. Back to the flogger and I was at that point where my ass was numbing and I was flying.

Teacher crouched down next to me and whispered into my ear, "The paddle is going to let you fly X to where you belong" and as he laid the paddle down on my ass, I grabbed his free hand and he let me hold on to it as he spanked the fuck out of me. Now it is moments like that when the pain is juxtaposed with the tenderness of his loving hand that make me feel so utterly close to my Dom.

I am unsure exactly how long I was under, but I felt myself collapse like jelly. For those of you reading this who have never been in subspace, what I can tell you is, imagine if you will falling asleep while having your teeth drilled. Maybe that is not a good analogy, but basically I was feeling no pain whatsoever and only mildly cognizant of what they hell was going on. All without drugs, which as someone who likes a good chemical buzz, is fucking amazing.

Teacher got me out of my haze with some strong slaps with the flogger and worked back up to a bare handed spanking from hell. In the midst of all of this, I was bleeding from my cunt which did not dissuade Teacher from driving his hand up to reach my g-spot. My pussy muscles contracted and I trapped his hand like a fucking boa constrictor as I came around his fingers.

When it was all said and done, it looked like a crime scene, both of us and the sheets covered with blood. Now I was more out of it than I can ever recall after a session. I even felt a bit nauseated which I thought was odd, but then I read something similar on another site today so perhaps it had something to do with all the adrenaline from both the spankings and me being so angry earlier in the evening.

Teacher and I spent a lot of time talking afterwards. "I feel bad that I don't want to fuck Teacher"
"I know"
"You're not mad are you"
"If I wanted it X, I would take it"

He's so good to me, he knew that it was the pain not the sex that was necessary last night. I never ever ever want to be half-assed in bed, an unenthusiastic lover. Teacher knew that it was necessary for me to have closure for the rough week so I could relax refresh and move on.

I slept like a baby.


Like, Gag Me!

My new gag
I'll post the tale later. It hurts to sit.

About Fucking Time

My gag that has been back-ordered finally showed up in the mail yesterday. After a rough as hell weekend, I am so looking forward to getting the living fuck beat and fucked out of me. It has been a week since I've had either. My libido was scarily low, as was the rest of me. I'm ready to rock. I'm ready to gnaw the new rubber ball into pieces. When it is all said in done, I hope it looks like a used up dog toy.

I tried it on when I opened up the box. It is just not the same when you put on your own gag, I felt like I was trying on a Halloween costume. But tonight, when Teacher comes over it will feel perfect.
That I know.

I have a long ass day ahead of me, but no matter how exhausted I am when I get home I am going to be waiting for Teacher with open arms and open legs.


The Damsel In Distress Is Back

Being a "Damsel in Distress" has been a recurring theme in this blog. Mostly as fantasy fodder, and I've even deduced it might be part of my sub puzzle.

Sometimes, though, being a distressed damsel is a total drag, like when it is reality based vs. fantasy. For instance, since I've returned from Hotlanta Teacher has had to "rescue" me several times.

First Time- Your oversexed blogger lost touch with reality over the last couple of weeks and forgot to pay her electric bill. Now normally she IGNORES her bills, but this time she honestly forgot. While waiting for the eclectic company to come turn on the lights, Teacher came over and kept me company. Which leads me to...
First Time Part 2 -The forgotten electric bill brought me negative in my bank account and I was subsequently hysterical that I was not going to be able to get to work on fumes. Teacher filled up my tank.
Second Time - A few days later I apparently left my lights on while at work and Teacher once again drove to my rescue to help me jump my car. This episode ate up a whole bunch of time we had alloted to play. Teacher has been very adamant about me getting to bed on time to be ready for work.

None of this is sexy whatsoever. But when we got back to my apartment, and I sat there gnawing on a chocolate bar Teacher brought me, I told him, "You know before I would have called 'Bob'(my platonic male bff)" .
"No you call me."
"Not now Teacher, but before we met."
"I know that X, but you always call ME first. Understand."
"But of course Teacher" He pulled off a string of caramel that was hanging from my lip and kissed me. We have been discussing his ownership of me. By default he has become my first contact for,well, anything, but I guess I need reminding sometimes.

I was kind of upset that we didn't have time to play last night as it was the first time I felt remotely sexual since last weekend's episode, and well I know I am truly deserving of some punishment. Still, I went to bed comforted in knowing that our relationship has, like the dogwood tree outside my window, blossomed this Spring.