Back From Hiding

By popular demand, I've unhearthed my old posts for your reading pleasure.

A few updates;

1. Teacher is still in my life, as a friend and mentor. While we don't see each other often, we do see each other and he and my current love are friendly. They trade war stories and chit-chat.  

Also, we'll be both working for Teacher in the near future helping him turn out a  cadre of whore slaves, as I may have mentioned in the past, I have always wanted to top a chick.

2. The economy has bit my ass, as it has the asses of so many so--I'm officially a 'sex worker'--see the 'Call Me' button on the right. I should be live in a couple of days, do let me know that you're calling from this blog, this way if you want to talk about Sub Nouveau stuff, I'll know where you're coming from, literally and figuratively.

2a. Speaking of $$, those of you who have so kindly signed up to any of the sites advertised on here, thank you SOOOOO much. I don't make a lot, but the few checks here and there have been lifesavers!

3. I don't plan on posting any more stuff on here, but do check out my other blog from time to time.

Clue

I can be found

HERE

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Reset your bookmarks, feeds, etc.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Yes, I don't maintain this blog much anymore, as you regular readers know, but I DO keep in touch with Teacher. He still is very much a part of my life. We don't talk every day, but several times a week. It wasn't easy at first, sometimes it still isn't.

I saw him tonight. I cry every time I see him. I hug him and still feel safe.

We hung outside, chit chatted & smoked. He's moved on to much more sordid adventures. He has six slaves of different rankings all over the US. These chicks are way more hardcore than I am. Several of them have fetishes to be impregnated. Some to be caged. One to be mute.  What they have in common is that they are all totally unlike me. Willing to submit to the point of no return.

"Why didn't you ask me to do those things"

"Cause that was not your thing, nor my purpose."

"True"

Me, well me and Dave are now living together. It's been a wild ride. We fuck like rabbits, we play rough, we've been through some hardcore life stuff together. I get spanked pretty often. I've gotten used to the anal sex. 

I'm planning on becoming a sex worker of sorts-phone & cam girl to make some loot. Teacher wants me to help him do a video. 

Did I ever mentioned they have talked on the phone?

I do blog about it.

Somewhere....

You'll see stuff here from time to time. 

I still love Teacher. I do and could not ignore the significance of our first meeting almost a year ago and the impact (he hates that word) that he has made upon my life.

sn

Baby Bird Leaves The Nest. Can She Fly?

I don't know how to even start this post.
This is the deal.
Mark and I are in love.
It was in the works for awhile, though there have been times where I've hated him.
While I've been busy being enamoured, I have felt at times I have not given Teacher my all.
While I have not been giving Teacher my all, he has been extremely busy with his work.
The entire time he has said, "Go X, have fun."
So I did. But it got to be where I was always talking to Teacher like he was my girlfriend, asking him advice about Mark all the time. He said it was no biggie, but it kind of made me feel guilty.
Our sex life started to dwindle a bit due to all the logistics involve, and I started to feel shitty about posting just about me fucking Mark, and how I have been having some of the most incredible sex.
So when Mark uttered the "L-bomb" on me the other night, and professed his desire for us to be an official item, my immediate reaction was to think "What about Teacher?"
Mark has known about Teacher, but not so much. I have always let it be known that Teacher is very important person in my life.
I didn't tell Mark my concern, but as I am wont to do, I just stewed in it and made myself very upset. I arranged to speak with Teacher last night.
Hysterical I was, crying and blubbering. Teacher laughed, "X, I will always be in your life."
"You will..."
"Yes."
"I knew this was coming, and in fact, I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner."
"You did? How?"
He mentioned a post of mine, but I am not sure exactly which one.
"I want you to do this. You NEED to do this X. I think know how it is going to end up, but you never want to look back on your life and regret that you never gave something a chance."
See Teacher knows all of Marks bullshit. I am handing over my heart, in a way, to a madman, but a wonderfully brilliant, funny madman and I can't help that I am in love. It has been a very long time since I've felt this. I do love Teacher, I do, it is a different love though and that is why I felt so bad even bringing it up with him.
"You're not offended"
"No"
"Why? I would be mad if someone told me that they don't love me in a way they love another."
"Don't be ridiculous."
I cried and cried and cried and I held on to him and still, even as he reminded me over and over that he was not going to disappear from my life I was scared he would.
"What if Mark doesn't want me to see you."
"We're just friends X. I'd love to meet him."
"No, not yet. Maybe you can talk to him though."
See while I went forth with this experiment in to Polyamoury thinking it was for me, I think it is unfair to do a half-assed job of it. No matter how cool either party said they were, I couldn't shake that I was perhaps hurting someone's feelings. Mark and I plan on having a semi-open relationship with conditions I don't want to write about just yet.
"I feel like a baby bird Teacher, a baby bird that has decided to leave the nest before it is ready, struggling with fluttering it's baby wings."
I did.
I do.
The rest of the night was lovely, yet I was not going to rest until I knew from Mark that he would be cool that I continue my friendship with Teacher.
"Absolutely! Don't you think I'm still going to have my girl friends? He means a lot to you X"

One thing about Mark that made me very happy was something he said about BDSM, as I have written he's very kinky, dominant most definitely, but has never deemed himself a Dom.
"I want to do everything you want and need X"
"Only if you want to Mark. It has to be real. It has to be organic."
"It is, I want to do these things for you." He reminded me of prior experiences dating subs. "But I need to know what you need."
"If anything, I need to be spanked. A lot. Not just a slap while we're fucking, but lots of spanking."
"Done."

Another thing that made me very, very upset last night was this blog.

"Teacher, what about the blogggggg." I was crying
"Still do it."
"I can't," it is not fair.
"Yes, you must. What are you going to stop everything you love to do?"
"No"
"But you must not ever tell Mark about it. "
I heartily agreed with that.
"Will you let me write your Valedictorian address."
I laughed, "Yes."

So my readers, this blog is not going to vanish, quite the contrary, while I've thought I've ended my journey, I have realized I've only just begun.

Now where are my Kleenex?

State of the Sub Nouveau Address, Or I Am One Lucky Bitch

Note: Think this is going to be my last serious post for awhile, I have a backlog of fucking stories, but this is necessary to get back on track.

In only two months will be in the anniversary of my first meeting with Teacher. Pretty nuts. I was doing a mental recap of all that has transpired since he and I have first met and it is pretty mind boggling. I was no innocent when I first met him, in fact, I was a regular run-of-the-mill slut. Lots of drunken one-night stands, peppered with bouts of monogamy. Lots of boring mainstream fucking. I dressed like a tramp, flirted with dudes, but ultimately my rewards were slim.

I always thought of myself as a pretty decent fuck, but it has become increasingly apparent that I have blossomed into a very well trained slut thanks to Teacher's guidance, as well as inspiration from the smart motherfuckers who are blogging their personal smut along with myself. See, I big ass capital I am enjoying sex now like I have never have in my life. I am also having more sex now that I have ever had in my life, even when I was in long-term committed relationships.

Before I'd fuck, maybe I'd come if I was lucky, but like now I am hyper aware of my body and how it reacts during sex, how it interacts with my lovers, and how it affects my day-to-day life. From the clenching of my cunt around Teacher's or Mark's cock as I orgasm, to the gait of my walk. Teacher has not only molded me into a good beginnner sub, but a woman who is becoming much more confident interacting with others sexually. I have also had the pleasure of encouraging some vanilla girl friends of mine to become more proud of their sluttiness, and also had the displeasure of realizing a close friend is prude to her inner core.

In Teacher, I have found the calm in my storm. When Hurricane Subnouveau is blowing shit down with her 100 mph winds, Teacher can walk straight into the eye and make my sun shine. I can not imagine my life without my big giant Master.

In Mark, I have found my male mirror. He like myself, gets bored easily, and therefore we're always upping the filth ante. ike Teacher, he is a very un-selfish lover. I am also afraid I am falling very much in love with him and that my dear readers is not necessarily good, but I am not going to fight Cupid. That is Mark's job. He has tried to thwart Cupid's arrows, but Cupid is a tough little fucker. It is hard to explain the whole shebang, but Teacher is guiding me through a lot of my relationship with Mark. For instance, he's helped me get a tougher skin about Mark flirting with other women. "If he gets 1 X, you go get three!" So instead of clinging onto Mark while we socialize, being his shadow, cockblocking left and right, I go about my own business. Talking to men I know, talking to men I don't. While that is not unusual behavior for me, not sitting wasting my energy getting jealous is. It is working so far. Still I have a lot, a lot of fear. He's no holds barred.,


Teacher has been terribly busy with a big business deal and I started worrying he, even though he was the one busy, was irritated that I am spending a lot of time with Mark, but quite the contrary. He has been encouraging and has told me that he is glad I have Mark around, lest I be sitting around waiting for him.

So I started this earlier this evening & then Teacher came over. I read him the post & he laughed. We fucked. I adore him so.

Now that is all out of the way, I have so many crazy stories for you guys. I have lost count of the days I have not had sex, not had my face fucked, ass slapped, asshole probed, cunt used, throat coated with cum, nipples pinched.

In Brief

Still chaos city, but I'm enjoying myself along the opportunity to play for a cway.
----

Text I sent to Teacher earlier today "Do I still have a date with your dick tomorrow night?"
And I do. His sideshow hag has been a drama queen, so the poor guy has been dealing with two insane broads on top of his own bs the past week. He most certainly needs a blow job and perhaps to get his aggressions out on my hide.

------
Since Teacher was wrapped up last night, I had the chance to hang out with Mark. Let me preface saying this that I've never been a big "on top" girl. I think this is because as we all know I like to be manhandled, held down and what not. My previous pre-Teacher boyfriends were all pretty submissive and expected me to do all the work, hence my disinterest in riding ponying. But sometimes you don't have a choice and Mark wanted me to ride his cock last night and I obliged, and I am most certainly glad I did. I must preface this with the fact that I had been pretty much on the edge of arousal all day, not sure exactly why, but I knew the moment that either myself or one of my men touched my cunt I would cum pretty quickly. Well my prediction was right, but once I came, Mark would not let me off the ride, no I was, poor, poor me, made to sit on top so he could watch me come much more, my juices soaking the both of us. I'm not the most fit person in the world, so this was a big workout for me. He had me ride reverse cowgirl and proceeded to work three fingers into my asshole as I slid up and down his cock. That is all it took, and I had the biggest G spot orgasm I have had to date, but as I was finally catching my breath, we had a very annoying interruption...that my dear readers is not worthy of htis blog.

Transitions Part 1

Busy Week! Somehighlights

*Teacher informed me that when I moved into my new condominium he was going to fuck me on every threshold. He kept his promise! From the front door, to the bathroom he fucked me raw. My new home has been "christened" for a lack of a better non-religious word, with our subversive love!
*My favorite part of the move was watching Teacher walk out in broad day light with one of his big ol crops.
*I've been battling with both Mark and my feelings for him. I wrote on my Twitter earlier this week that Teacher mindfucks me consensually, and Mark just fucking mindfucks me without asking. His mindfucking, though, is your run-of-the mill cat and mouse game. This was supposed to be a fling, and well feelings happen, and I got attached. He got attached. He freaked.Both of us are very hot-headed, volatile, people and very sensitive. I think, for now at least, we're on a even keel for a day or two. In the midst of it all, we've had some very nasty, nasty sex...from toe jobs to fisting, if it is filthy, we've tried it this past week. So yeah one day I want to strangle him and one day I want to hug him. See Saw Marjory Daw.
*Both men have shown their testosterone packed desires to protect me from someone who is on my shit list. Ain't nothing sexier than to hear a guy tell you they'll kick someone's ass for you. Teacher even taught me some martial arts moves. I've been calling him Sensai all week.He's been working very hard with me on my mindset-from how I handle issues at work, to dealing with men, to my self-confidence, and even getting me to budget. He's gone beyond Dom now. I am a very spoiled woman. A lot of this is non-kink, but one, I think, must have a good foundation in their daily lifes so they can be an excellent sub. For instance, it is one thing for me to be submissive to Teacher, and even Mark on some level, but I don't need to, nor do I want to be treated as such by other men. If Teacher wants me to play doormat for him, I'll gladly disrobe and lay by his front door for him to wipe off his cowboy boots, but I am OWNED by him! I am no one else's doormat.
*I've also just had a lot of fucking fun with Teacher even during boring moving shit. Imagine if you will, your blogger jumping over Teacher naked like she was fucking trying out for the 2008 Summer Olympics.
*He's been texting me all day telling me how he's going to fuck me. I'm not sure if we'll have our first scene in my new abode, but I am certain when I do, it will be worth blogging.

Cool Kink Community

Taking a quick break from my madness to tell you guys about a very cool kink/fetish social networking community, that has quickly become very active. I'm not going to bad mouth some of the other kinky social networking sites, but I will tell you what I dig about FetLife is that its not polluted with bad graphics, the discussions are intelligent, and it is very easy to navigate.

It's free, but feel free to donate to the cause.

Fetlife

Cane Tester

Teacher bought a brand new cane this past week. He came over for a quick visit tonight, not to play, but once he told me about the cane I just HAD to see it. He went to his car to get it, and I pushed over a pile of laundry I had been folding.

He came back in, pulled down my running shorts and tested out the damn thing. OWWWWW!
There just happened to be a rolled up pair of socks in my reach and I grabbed them and stuck them in my mouth so I could not wake the neighborhood. He was quite amused when he was done and I turned around with them sticking out of my mouth!

Mind you this was just a quick test run, but here is a little shot.

Give 'Em Enough Rope

"So are you going to beat my ass tonight?" I chided Teacher.
"You have no idea, no idea"
"Fuck."
He laughed at the other end of the telephone line.
I cowered. It had been awhile and I had fucked up numerous times. I was in for it.
"When you get home tonight I want you to check your email for instructions."
"Yes sir."
The email instructed me to have all his toys and whatnot ready, for me to be undressed, wearing only heels, the key in the mailbox and to be waiting for him.
I am writing this as I wait for him.
I'm scared shitless.
------------------------------
So I'm kneeling on my cushion waiting for Teacher, my body trembling trying to stay in position and from nerves. I heard the keys rattle in the door, and then I caught a glimpse of Teacher's shoes as he walked toward me and then crouched down to my level. He stroked my hair and moved his hands down my back. I shivered. He layed a big smack on my ass and led me to my room (I'm so tempted to write "chambers" but that would be ridiculous.)

Teacher cuffed my ankles together, and my hands together but did not connect the two. He put my gag in place and my blindfold on. He then had me positioned on my hands and knees with my ass handy for his punishment. Then I felt him tie a piece of rope around my neck.

My immediate reaction was to be fucking terrified. No, this was not cool. I didn't use my safe word, I could of, as it really was fucking with me. I started wimpering. "X..don't you trust me..."
I did, but I didn't trust the rope. I didn't trust myself not to move the wrong way and hang myself. It was a major, major mindfuck and I was not handling it. Teacher loosened the rope, but did not remove it.

That fucking rope dangled from my neck the rest of the night. I felt weak. Scared. Excuse the pun but all my fear was tangled up in that rope.

Of course I came out unscathed, well my neck, my ass was tore up. I have a new found hatred of the crop, but all the power and meaning I transfered to that one peace of cord really got to me.

Fuck you rope!

Polybitmeintheass

I have been unfair to Teacher. I took his permission to have another partner and neglected him.
Plain and simple.
It wasn't purposeful. It happened.
It happened because I've never done this before.
It won't happen again.
I have not been an ethical slut. I must read my book, that is why I bought it.

The Mathematician

"Can you handle it little one?"
"Yesss..." My eyeballs were rolling back in my head. I wasn't sure I could handle it, but I was going to handle it
whether I liked it or not. I'm game for anything, I won't let a little pain stop me on the way to a possible orgasm.
Thing is, I didn't know WHAT I was handling, or moreso how many fingers I was handling until I felt my cunt stretch around the width of
Mark's hand.
It went from a run of the mill pussy eating, to a pretty sweet finger banging ("fanger" as my friend & I used to joke), to getting dry fisted.
Well I was not dry, my pussy was nice and lubed from all the other work, but his hand was bone dry. His hairy knuckles were already deep inside me, I flailed around as my muscles clenched around his digits.
"They don't call it snatch for nothin'" I joked with him later on, "my cunt snatched up your hand!"
The feeling of getting fisted is quite different than getting fucked by a large dick, unless you have had the pleasure of being fucked by a dick with the girth of a deli bologna.
You feel the walls of your vagina being spread and prodded, your g-spot gets kneaded over and over.
Motherfucker is a counter. It drives me crazy. "How many times did you come."
"I don't know."
I didn't. I came at least three times, but when I'm in that multiorgasmal state, I kind of just consider it one big ass orgasm that goes and goes.
"At least three times."
That satisfied him. Hell, I was satisfied. I'm just a writer, not a mathamatician.
"Well, now it is my turn."
My cunt was red and raw from the fisting, but I was more than willing to get fucked by his sweet cock.
I put my legs over his shoulders and he slid his prick into my wet and stretched out pussy. Both of us were dripping wet with sweat. As he fucked my my tits slammed against my face. This happens anytime I get fucked this way.
What was that old joke about Dolly Parton jump roping and getting black eyes, I swear that is going to happen to me one day, or I am going to get smothered to death by my own breasts.
Breastesses.
I've meditated on this before, but what the fuck, my two favorite parts of intercourse are the beginning and the end. I love the feeling upon first entry of a dick, and I love the feeling of when my partner cums.
Except I don't count.

Parallel Dating

Is a bitch.
Not that long ago, I was bemoaning being single. A long dry spell peppered with one night standsw.
I was certain I was destined to be alone.
I exuded it. Actually I exuded desperation in my over the top dress and behavior.
I took bad girl to a whole new level and it bit me in the ass.

Along came Teacher.
He became the calm in my storm. He guided me through the dark clouds into the light, even though what I was learning was sort of a dark art. After all BDSM, is not all bunnies and rainbows.
I fell in love.
Along came Mark.
He became the earthquake, rattling my solid foundation.
I became infatuated. Even though he was destroying my house, I had a morbid curiousty to see what would happened if I remained outside of the shelter as the ground shook.

Along came reality.
I kept going back from safety to danger.
When I was back where it was safe and warm, I was tired.
Unable to be fully there for Teacher. Still in my exhaustion, I kept running back to the danger.
Teacher noticed.
I disappointed him.
Failed. Even though somehow all of this back and forth made me love Teacher more.

I had to go out today and get a hammer and nails to repair the damage.
I'm afraid I still might need something stronger.
I'm still allowed to go to the disaster area, but this time I'm wearing a helmet.

So Sad About Us

When I think of blog titles, I'm often thinking of songs I like and then I realize later on that probably like only me and three readers get the jist of the blog title. This blog title is from a Breeders song.

Due to some serious drama, yours truly becoming highly involved with her lover Mark, and just needing to get shit done, I've had to take a break from Mark.

He's like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts fresh off they conveyor belt. They are so good, but they're so fucking bad for you. There is nothing good about them except the pleasure they give you. Mark doesn't give me a lot of pleasure, he stresses me out, so do to a lot of bullshit & my inability to properly manage a fling, I am having to step aside.

Thing is I fucking miss him already.

Teacher is on his way over here & I'm going have to dicuss all this with him. It is not news to him, but I am utterly confused. This is a total go-nowhere situation with a person who has some genuinely horrific issues, and for the love of God I am drawn to him.

I can get lots of dick, I can.
This dude, well he's certainly not anyone you'd want to settle down with. He barely has a job. Everyone but me seems annoyed by him.

Somehow I think in a year I'll cringe, but the motherfucker for the time being took a piece of my heart. He made some shitty comments about Teacher and BDSM, that really upset me, but I know he said it out of jealousy. He's a big baby. Truly.

I am, and I don't know if this is a sub thing or just a sub nouveau thing, very weak when it comes to men. I enable, I let myself get manipulated. I wear my vulnerablity and my heart on my sleeve.

I am far from a religious person, but I pray that I can manage to have some self-control. Actualy I don't, that is why I've given myself to Teacher.

Guys, I'm severely fucked in the head right now.

SN, in a post that will more than likely dissapear

Bloggus Interruptus

Once again various real-time issues have rendered me unable to write a decent blog post. Some have been pleasurable, a lot have not. But life goes on, as does this blog.

On the sub/sex side of things:

1. Teacher has upped my sub ante, as this is a transitional time in my life and I need his guidance more than ever. Our D/s relationship is becoming complex and not as sexually oriented. I am, for instance, to text him every morning when I get up, report my spending to him, have him help me decide what I am to eat. I am also to ask for permission to be with Mark, there is much more but I wish to keep it private. All this sounds pretty benign for a sub, but yours truly had been running amok the past months or so. This has been more painful for me than you can imagine, well at least at first. I am so used to doing what I want, how I want. It has, of course, bit me in the ass for over 30 years and I feel more like a petulant teenager than ever. When Teacher sat me down and reviewed some of my new tasks, I pouted. I fucking felt myself regress. Scary.
It didn't work. This is serious shit.

Teacher has also given me a bucketload of comfort during some tumultous times. I am having to retrain myself to not be so scared about not knowing what to do in certain situations.

2. Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark. We have both been riding the Crazy Train, I hopped off for awhile. In between lots of good sex, was lots and lots of drama. I had been looking for a lover, and well, it got way beyond that, more toxic than ever. We both are very needy people and we glommed on each other like a pair of leeches sucking the life out of one another. Actually, he was sucking the life out of me. As I write, I am giving myself a respite from him. I already miss him. One of my all time favorite songs is Squeeze's "If I didn't love you, I'd hate you." I don't love the guy, but I do like him a lot, I also fucking hate him. He stresses me out, drives me bonkers, never listens, is unpredictable, not mushy, but I guess there is something

3. Through all this I have realized how much I really Love Teacher. I do. I do.

Best Smut of the Week Sugasm #130

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #131? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Gross Spelling Errors Turn Me Off

“Here are a few other word issues that come up in sex writing that throw me off and drive me crazy.”

L’Artiste


“I want time to sip my whisky, to drink you in as you unveil yourself, as you offer your body to my steady gaze.”

Learning My Limits (Part 1)

“It hurts. It’s gorgeous. ”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

24-Months of AVN Online, $0

Editor’s Choice

The Few, The Proud, The Pornless

More Sugasm


Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish

Catching Up on the Back Story


Cut to the chaste

A date with Lumpo

Damaged Lovers

Desire beyond reason but within bounds

Follow My Rules-Part 1

His Slut

It’s just a through and through

M


Messy Kitchen Figging and Thrashing Video

On fire

Points of Order

The Promise

What a way to start the day!

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Leave It to Beaver

Masturbation Month Is Here!


New At Nuts4chic - Pick Up Lines That Make You Groan

New Jimi Hendrix SEX Tape out Now!!

Rascal Wear Leather Wrist And Ankle Cuffs Review

Sex Toy Review of The Rude Boy For Babeland

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Audrey Bitoni and Angela

Bedroom Radio #14 “Sex 2.0 and Spanking”


Half-Nekkid on Silky Pillow Cases

Half-Nekkid Thursday: Flashing the Neighbors

Pictures ( a bed & 2 guys!)

Sasha Grey (Goddess)

Scarlett Johansson - Fucking Hot Babe in Red

Sex Advice

Putting the “Play” Back into Playing with Yourself


Strap-Ons 101

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Confession

Denial.

Encounter

I want….

A Perfect Ten

Possibly the best, so far

Switch


Tease and Denial are NOT Reciprocal

Under My Thumb

Sex Work

Reality Check: Asshole Clients

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Am I or Aren’t I?

Green eyed monster

The Inevitable

Filed Under

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• My-Naughty-Confessions
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This Bitch Got Fleshbotted-Again

Nothing warms the cockles, or the cocks of a sex blogger's heart than getting props on Fleshbot. It's been awhile, but I got my second round of props thanks to Always Aroused Girl. Here's the link to the when I lost my Fleshbot blog round-up virginity.

For those of you who have not been to this site before, a quick run-down: I'm still pretty new to the BDSM game, my Dom is "Teacher," and when I'm not busy getting my ass spanked, tits tortured, figuring out what it means to be a sub, I fuck around with other men. I hope you enjoy my filthy little tales. Subscribe, bookmark, jerk-off and please come back! After all, I don't plan on closing my legs or mouth any time in the near future.

A.D.I.D.A.S.D

All day long I dream about sucking dick.
I do.
I think I am the reincarnation of an 18 year-old hormonal gay boy.

The more cum I swallow have the more I want it. I'm Countess Cumula.

Mark has been getting on my nerves a lot, he's very high maintenance, emotionally detached and whatnot, but still I think about going over to his apartment to suck his cock. Just that. I think about doing that and running, but he always traps me. Last night I sucked him off and the minute I got the first taste of pre-cum, I wanted to continue, to quench my thirst, to taste the little bit of power I have. Every time he tells me I'm one of the best cocksuckers he's had and he's had his cock sucked quite often, I glow. When he told me the other night that I've "improved," that sort of pissed me off, but I pointed out to him I was pretty nervous the first couple of times because he's so goddamn particular. I take that as a challenge.

Numerous times I've been told by men that it is difficult for them to get off by a blow job, and always, almost always I succeed. SUCKCEED.

But this power exchange goes both ways. When Teacher informed me just yesterday of how he was going to take over all management of my life, from what I eat, to how I spend my time and money, he sealed the deal by whipping out his hard cock and having me suck on it as he spoke to me of his ownership of me, my mouth, my body, my soul. I wanted to get him off so bad, so he would know that I am truly worthy of this energy he's spending on his fucked-up sub, but instead he pulled it out of my hungry mouth, zipped up his pants, and chuckled. He was not going to let me be his cum vampire.

When I was younger I had many men, or rather stupid boys force me to give them blow jobs, forcing my head down, humiliating me not giving me a chance to do it on my own volition, or at least hone my skills. This used to upset me, and sort of still does because these were not men worthy of my tongue. But, when Teacher or Mark grabs me by the throat and fucks my mouth I am appreciative of their animal lust. Also, when it is all said and done, they hold me and don't toss me out the door, shun me, or ignore me.

Does A Scene A Switch Make?

So I informed Teacher that I wanted to top a chick, specifically that little whore he played with awhile back, the sub newbie. He said he'd arrange it. This is the perfect outlet for me to work through my jealousy issues and get my rocks off at the same time. While I am definitely submisssive to men, I've always had lesbo fantasies that have involved me doing what I want to another woman, never them doing anything to me. So does that make me a switch? Or is that just a situational thing?

Anyway, I told him what I want to do that little bitch. I want to blindfold her, I'll have him hog-tie her as I can barely tie my own shoe laces. I may or may not gag her. Actually I might gag her and not blindfold her so I can see the terror in her eyes. I will probably get her ass all rigged out, then take a little smoke break across the room, making her slut ass wait.

I'll walk back towards her and blow my last puff of smoke out in her face, "You little fucking slut, what makes you think you can submit to my man, huh? Are you worthy as I am? I think not! You are most certainly not as pretty as I am? Look at you, you can't even keep the man you have (I'll throw in a lot of personal info I know about her relationship woes)."

When she starts tearing up from my verbal abuse, I'll start with a few thwacks of the crop to her ass. Teacher said she is not to be marked due to her relationship situation. That, of course, makes me want to mark her, but I must listen to Teacher.

"Can you suck dick my dear?"
She'll muffle "yes" through her gag.
"You can? How can you suck dick through a gag?"
"I bet you most certainly can't suck dick as well I, but I'll let you give it a whirl."
I'm thinking I'll have Teacher nearby to tease her with his cock, but then I'll fake her out and shove a big rubber dildo in her mouth, and shove it, and shove it until she gags.
"Oh my dear you can't seem to deep throat a cock. No wonder why you can't keep a man!
I will laugh in her face. I might slap her across the face a few times with the dildo. I honestly don't wish to bring her to subspace as much as I'd like to humiliate her. I'll then shove that dildo back in her mouth and tell her she is to keep it there and if it falls out of her fucking mouth I will make her regret the day she was born.
"Let's see, I think I need to see what you might have that a my man would want. It is obviously not your oral skills. Hmmm..."
I will walk behind her and without warning shove my dry finger in her cunt. "Let's inspect this pussy of yours. Spread your legs!"
Of course she can't spread her legs much because of the way she is bound, the stupid bitch struggles.
"Spread your legs! What a fucking moron!"
"Teacher did mention you had the IQ of a rat."
"Well that is not going to work. Roll over bitch and let me see those tits."
I'll push her over onto her back, exposing her breasts.
"Keep that dildo in your mouth!"
I pick up one of her breasts and let it slap back down onto her chest. From what I gather she has not the tautest tits in town and I will remind her as such. "Such a shame your tits look like they're from an 80-year-old National Geographic model. Look at my tits you sad thing, these my dear are what tits are supposed to look like" I will shove my breasts into her face, making the dildo pop out of her mouth."
"I said keep that fucking plastic cock in your mouth! You fucked up slut!" I pick up the dropped toy and smack the living shit out of her face swith it and pop it back in.
I grab her other tits and tug at her nipples, pinching them till her eyeballs pop out of her head.
"Enough of that. You're quite boring for a whore."
"I still need to get a gander at your cunt. Lord knows I can smell that thing across the room." I'll cackle. "You know, I think I need to have another smoke. Can you please hold this for me while I got get my cigarettes?" With one fell swoop, I slam a butt plug into her ass catching her totally off guard, she bites into the dildo. "Good job little slut, maybe you're an ass whore, or is that asshole?"
I go and have a few cigarettes and a drink, take a bathroom break and return to the room "Oh you're still there. Sorry to keep you waiting" I yawn. "So where was I? Oh yes, I need to give you an exam."
From there I unbuckle her feet but keep her wrists still bound. I remove the plug.
"Let's see this pussy" It is shaved bald.
"You were told not to shave bitch!" I pinch her labia till she squeels. Upon release, I spread her lips open, exposing her clit to the air. I take a quick lick, making her moan."
"The taste is alight, but I suggest you limit your fast food intake." I go slap on a pair of gloves and grab a bottle of lube. "Now I need to check out the size of your pussy. My man can't deal with a loose pussy." I slather the lube on my gloves and work my entire hand into her cunt, fisting her and she's buckling and trying her damnedest to keep that dildo in her mouth.
"That pussy is pretty loose girly, you might consider vaginal reconstruction surgery. I've hurt it doesn't hurt as much as this" and while I fist her with one hand I slam back in the butt plug, all dry and big into her ass. She gasps. Miss thing can't take it much more and I feel her vaginal muscles start to clench around my hand.
"I suggest you don't come at this time"
She moans.
"If you come you will regret it."
The bitch is in la-la land and I let her come around my hand, drenching me down past my wrist.
"Oh dear you came, you're going to have to get punished for that."
I go get the paddle. I have decided my spanking skills won't be as such to leave more than a bit of red on her ass, but enough to make her whine. I make her bend over with her hands on the nearby dresser, and give her about 20 wallops on the ass. The stupid thing is all teary eyed.
"Man you are a big ol' pussy. You think THAT hurts? And you want Teacher to play with you? I don't think you could handle it, much less your big cavernous hole of a cunt and beanbag tits!"
Oh she cries and cries.
"Don't be such a baby." I release her wrists, pull the dildo out of her mouth and the plug out of her ass and give her a quick hug. "Want some water."
She nods. I give her some. She continues to cry. "Quit blubbering. I have my own stress. Go take a shower." She obliges. She comes out in a towel, I make her dress, make her leave, and then go to have Teacher tie Me up and beat the ever living fuck out of me.

Ass Holes and Assholes

Crazy weekend for me. I cant' go any further, but I can tell you how far I went.


A. Last night on our way out on the town Mark said to me, "You know what I'm going to do you to tonight if you get drunk again?"
"Fuck me in the ass?" This happened last time I got loaded.
"Yes," his eyes gleemed. He had an evil smile and I sort of cowered.
"Guess I'm getting drunk!"
"You are such a dirty girl."
"I know and that's why you like me." I had honestly planned on laying off the sauce save a beer or two, but I upped my intake just a tad. I didn't get wasted, but I was feeling good. Some hot chick was flirting with me and bought me a drink. I took every opportunity I could to flirt with others in front of Mark. He's done the same and more, and I felt the need to show him I had game as well. Plus, it made me feel even more sexy and devious."
Our cab ride home was a short one, but it felt kind of long.
"You know what is coming to you tonight don't you X" he whispered in my ear.
I blushed.
Back at the apartment Mark didn't dilly-dally. he had me undress save my heels and pumped out globs of lube for our play. "Are you ready X? Let me check you out." He thrust a few fingers in my asshole to prime me up for his cock.
"As I'll ever be" Well that is a lie, I wasn't even tipsy at this point. I knew I'd feel some of the burn, even his fingers hurt.
"You like the pain bitch, you know it," he growled as he inserted his thick-ass dick in my asshole. I screeched. "You want me to stop"
"No,' I panted "Go on!" And go on he did, fucking my little asshole from above, my head smashed into the bed. Oh the pain, but it felt so good! A I felt like such a filthy slut and that is what turned me on. He was not gentle whatsover, he was ramming his cock balls deep inside, and all the while pulling my hair like the reigns on the horse. As I came the first time, he was almost laying directly on top of me and I almost lost my breath between the pressure of his body and the intense wave of orgasm. Slam! Slam! Slam! I cursed and sceamed with joy and pain which enveloped one another. Mark did not have to indicate when he was going to come because those final slams into my rectum were like he was trying to reach my throat via my asshole.
Intense. Intense. Intense. Needless to say we both slept like babies.

-----------------
B. I'm a bit of an asshole, a hypocrite. Tonight I found out that Teacher had met up with another woman two months ago, a girl a few years younger than myself who was looking to learn about BDSM, but is embroiled in some heavy drama. I was mostly irritated he didn't tell me till now, but he said he didn't think I could handle it back then.
"Teacher I can't lie, I feel a bit jealous."
"You realize you're saying this right after you told me you got the living hell fucked out of your ass."
"I know, I know. It's just the thought of you getting to know and love another woman..."
"It's not like that X, no more than you and Mark"

It's silly, I want my cake and to eat it to, but I don't want share my cake. He said he didn't kiss her which made me a bit relived. I really don't kiss Mark that often. He's a bit of a closed off wall other than when we have some hot sex. When he does get mushy it throws me for a loop.

The Softer Side

"Can you be here by 9 O'clock?" Mark inquired.
"Sure, I mean I'm not going to get dolled up or anything."
"Not dolled up? Why not?"
"Welll..we're just watching a movie"
"You don't have to wear a heels or anything, but makeup is always good." I heard something about a dress, but I couldn't make out if he wanted me in a dress or not in a dress.

I can't lie, I tend to get slack sometimes. As much as I liked getting gussied up, once I get comfortable with a person I tend to not get all glam when we're doing just random hanging around the house. I've done this to Teacher, and I guess I started doing it to Mark. I kind of thought he acted funny the other night when I was wearing just a big t-shirt and I made a mental note to never do that again.

But I was glad to hear he liked makeup. I've had boyfriends on either side of the fence, and I like the ones who want me painted pretty so this was a non issue.

In light of my grubby t-shirt episode, I decided that I wasn't going to dissapoint him and put on short jean skirt and a simple black sleeveless top. Nothing fancy, but definitely hot. I also didn't wear any panties, because all my cute ones were in the laundry.

We watched a good movie, sat next to one another, but nothing more eventful than a random graze of the leg. Later on we were looking up some stuff about the movie online and while he plucked away at the keyboard I laid on my stomach, facing him watching him type.

He turned around, we started talking about Robert Deniro and in the midst of my diatribe of the shame of DeNiro doing crap like "Meet the Fokkers," Mark make his way behind me and worked his hands up my skirt, to my pussy and without much warning, crammed his fingers in my cunt.
He worked me up until I was wet and then released his hand. "Do you want me to fuck you."
"But of course...."
"Leave your clothes on." Now this readers, this made me hot. I once read in a old girlie magazine I found in my parents room the text of a centerfold who said that she thought leaving some clothes on while she fucked was sexy. I've never forgotten that, nor her fisherman's knit sweater, Frye boots, and hairy 70s pussy.
He pushed my skirt up around my waist and entered me from behind. With only my ass exposed to him, I felt both sexy and vulnerable, and mildly naughty.
We usually fuck pretty rough, but tonight was slow and erotic and then a few bursts of hardnesses. We moved together in time, he holding my hands, tickling my back, nuzzling my neck like he's never done before.
"Who fucks you the best X?"
Sorry fellas, if you ask a girl that question you are going to always get the answer you want to hear "You." Now if that is true or not, that shall never be revealed. I am not one to dissapoint, and yes he is definitely one of my better lovers, so for the night, yes he fucked me the best.
"Wha do you like about me fucking you?" he whispered into my ear as we rode on one another.
"Your big thick cock," that I said and turned around enough to watch him fuck me and look up at him.
The music we were screwing is pretty obscure, so I won't mention it, but I'm not sure if it was purposeful, but there were a few moments where it seemed like we were fucking to the beat.
"Let's get the bra off of you" and with a fell swoop, my breasts were exposed, he toyed with my nipples as I felt the inital hints of orgasm. "You're about to come aren't you?"
He knew it.
His roomate, the prude, was home so I had to be quiet. It is not easy for me to be as such, so as I came I had to bite down on the nearest thing and that was his arm. While I didn't draw blood I left a nice sprinkling of teeth marks near his wrists. Unlike myself, he chose not to be quiet and let out a huge groan as his prick made the final slams into my cunt.
When it was all said and done, my skirt was drenched with sweat, as was both he and I and his bed.
It was nice to have a bit of a softness for a change, because it is going to make the rougher times ahead so much more pleasurable

Down The Hatch

I wanted one thing.
His cock.

Yesterday was Mark's birthday, but despite a text from him expressing his horniness for me, by the time I got to meet up with him, he seemed pretty fatigued. We laid on his bed, snuggled and chatted. After a few days of being cranky, my libido was in full swing and I was just not going to hang out. I had a limited time to be there, so I had to drop my sub hat for the evening and take the initiative. Mind you for those new to the blog, this guy is merely kinky, not a Dom.

As we snuggled, I scratched my fingers down his belly, towards the waistband of his jeans. I flapped at the loose piece of leather on his belt, "Well Mark, I think being that is your birthday you deserve something good. Would you like me to suck your cock?"

You didn't think he'd say "no" did you?

He didn't give me time to unbuckle his belt, he did it himself, and quickly unzipped his Levi's unveiling his hard-on to my eager mouth. I gave his cock a tongue-bath, moistening it before I took him between my lips, and deeper towards my throat. I learned early on that Mark was not too into the deep throat thing, despite my prowess, so I focused on working on and around the head, waiting for the salty taste of his pre-cum. As I worked on him, I remember a technique a friend told me a gay guy taught her her once, basically all it involved was moving your head back and forth pretty fast, I wish I could describe it better, but it did the job. It went from your average blow-job to Mark's legs tensing up giving me the que that he was going to explode and explode he did, a hot wash of cum made it's way down my throat and I secretly patted myself and my friend's gay pal on the back.

I put a lot of pressure on myself regarding blowjobs, I live in small pond and the last thing I want getting around is that I give head! I want all the boys clamoring to stick their cock down my whore mouth.

I'm that kind of girl.
Woman.

We started hanging out some more, and I started thinking that my lover was going to be selfish this evening. One thing I never do is beg, so just as I started considering leaving Mark told me to take my pants off (I never did undress for the bj.)
"Let me eat that pussy." As much as I like giving head, he loves eating some cunt. You can tell when someone likes to eat pussy versus those who view it as just another sexual task. Those who love to eat pussy will go on without removing their tongue or coming up for air. These connoisseurs will go on about their business with the glaze of cunt juices on their face. Ain't nothing worse than a half-assed pussy eater. I'd rather read a magazine.

Mark is one of the better ones. He forcefully spread my legs which immediately made me wet. My labia were pulled apart and my clit perked up awaiting his licks. I almost thought he had spoken with Teacher because last night he found my magic spots..right under the clit and on on the right side, not dead on. As he worked I worked pumping the muscles in my pussy to further enhance the entertainment. I shall not reveal the record, but two songs into it I was digging my nails into his arm and came in one big pulse that ripped through my body. It felt pretty fucking good.

I can not lie, I would have loved to have that cock inside me last night, but the oral sex was pretty fab so I can not complain.

Tonight is Teacher's turn with me. My pussy is sure to not be hungry when he leaves!

(thanks for visiting Fleshbot readers!)

Damaged Lovers

Crazy. Both of us. Certifiable with medical records to prove it.
On the crazy scale I'm about a 6 and he's about a 9.
"Sickness attracts sickness," someone once told me, and they were fucking accurate.
Damaged.
Some of it happened during shipping, but most of it happened upon arrival.
Eccentric.
Creative.
Lunatics.
Both of us.


---------
I'm exhausted, so fucking exhausted as I write, but I want to write now not later. I am having a lot of confusion right now, a lot of stuff I'm refraining from sharing because it is too complex and some I need to run by Teacher first.
------------------

So I meet up with Mark prior to going out on the town. His roommates were not around and we had the house to ourselves, meaning I didn't have to worry about being loud. We always have
the music blasting, but still. Things went from zero to sixty in like two seconds. We were making out and then the next thing I know he slaps me across the face, he rips of my clothes, bites my neck and tugs at my hair. My mouth is directed towards hard cock. I lick and suck his swollen prick.
'Want me to fuck your face?"
"Whaha" Who can really talk with dick in the mouth? I can't.
My skull is grabbed and his cock hits the back of my throat again and again.
He gives me a moment to breath and then hits my tonsils again.
I'm a slut.
We fuck like animals, it was the kind of fucking where you just get into that groove where you become one entwined sweaty mass of fuck. We moved from a soft slow rythm, to him drilling my cunt like there's oil up dem dare hills. I see stars. I come like a monster. The luxury of being loud I take advantage of and moan from the depth of my gut.
I start to come again and he joins me, I feel him shake above me and release.
A few moments of post coital tenderness.
We must smoke outside.
"My heart is racing" Mark says as he gets dressed. I just am sitting there spaced out.
"Are you alright X?"
"Yeah, I am just a little out of it." Apparently getting your brains fucked out is not a euphemism.
---
We are out the bar, I'm waiting for my first drink. We mutually agree that we're both still a bit out of it. "Now that is a good natural high."
Yes it is. Too bad I don't stop at that.
Drink
Drank
Drunk.
Just me.
Not him.
He can hold his liquor.
Not I.

There are moments of tumult. I apparently think I can drive. He, thankfully does not agree.
We argue about this that and the other on the cab ride back to my apartment.
I say something that pisses him off, the shit gets emotional, he tells me some heavy shit.
"What about your shit X, you never tell me your shit."
I tell him why I'm crazy.
I cry. I'm mad because I cried.
Volatile both of us. We can explode at any second.
The whole thing is crazy and I know it, but that's how I roll.

The fighters fuck.
"You want me to fuck you in the ass X?"
"Uh-huh"
"You know we couldn't do it before, you really want me to fuck you in the ass."
He was too big for me before, I couldn't make it past the head of his cock.
"Yes, I want you to fuck me in the ass!"
"You want me to fuck you in the ass?"
"Yes, yes, fuck me in the god damned ass!"


Being the sick person I am, I'm determined. Pain schmain.
My ass, his dick are lubed.
"You're not just getting the cock in the ass X, you're going to have this in your pussy while I fuck you."
I had just acquired a curved glass g-spot dildo.
DP=Double Pain
If you're going to be a slut, you better do it fucking right. Right?

The Jack Daniels is still floating around in my system and has properly done its job and numbed my asshole. It wouldn't have mattered at that moment.
My grave was dug. I brought the shovel.

It fucking hurt like a motherfucker, but I rode the pain and I rode the cock.
Mind over matter.
It pays to have a tight snatch. The dildo stayed in place and banged along with they rhythm of his cock.
Do your Kegels ladies. Every red light.
Pain coupled with pleasure is the name of the game.
The double stuffed cunt did the job and provided me with an orgasm.

----
I wake up.
He's snoring.
My head, my body, my ass are throbbing in time.
Teacher.
I was supposed to call Teacher.
See blog below

Bad Sub Nouveau

"I let you off the leash X and you were expected to come back. You didn't and that is very disrespectful."

I had Teacher's permission to hang out with Mark yesterday, and his only request was that I contact him to update him on my whereabouts.

I fucked up.

Teacher wasn't asking for much and I am very grateful I have someone who cares if I get home safely.

So I called Teacher and apologized for my negligence and being disrespectful to him. Needless to say he was pissed off. He thanked me for apologizing, but he said he was going to have a talk with me about this later today.

I could write a good post about the sex I had last night right now, but it doesn't feel right. Submission is not just about sex, and even if this was a Vanilla relationship I still would be in the wrong.

You guys will get the smut later on.

Bitch In Heat Part 2 -The Power of Pussy

My evening wasn't exactly over with Mark. After our session, we went out to a local bar to drop off some CDs. Oh it is a small world, while were there I ran into a Mr. Badnews, this dumb ass drug dealer dude I used to hook up with back in the day. He was a decent fuck, but I always regretted my times with him because ultimately we'd end up somewhere unsavory with unsavory people doing unsavory things. Mr. Badnews has long black hair and olive skin, part Native American and part asshole. I've gone from telling him to fuck off to laying around naked in his apartment doing lines of coke off a record cover to telling him to fuck off. We exchanged hellos and gave each other the "yep, we fucked a look." I was in the midst of catching up with him when I felt on a tap on my shoulder being beckoned by Mark to get ready to leave. Oh, but the world is much smaller than that, then as we walked towards the exit I ran into another dude, this one I had a huge crush on in college. He used to look like Bono. Now he looks like Mr. Clean. Anyway my crush came to fruition one disappointing night where he rubbed my clit so fucking hard it was raw the next day. He was determined to make me cum and I was too young and stupid to tell him to give it up.

Mark wanted to hook up again, but I knew Teacher would be waiting for my call. I bid Mark adieu and drove home, excited, nervous, and very aroused.

--------------

I sat outside my apartment smoking waiting for Teacher's headlights to reflect from the windows on the house across the street. As he approached I felt a huge smile spread across my body. "This is fucking insane" I thought to myself, but hey you only live once.

Teacher had a big shit eating grin and I broke out in giggles.
"How's my little slut"
Oh, he knew, boy did he ever know. He gave me a big hug, and a bigger kiss. As we kissed I felt safe and happy that I was with a man so open-minded. Or let's make it a man who been encouraging me to embark on various sexual adventures and helping me realize that my promiscuous tendencies are not a bad thing at all. In a nutshell a Dom who has taught me to embrace my inner slut. My outer slut as well. While I'm under Teacher's control I'm learning how to have other men under MY control on a certain level.

I'm kicking myself for not writing this part of the blog last night because my dear Dom was chock full of one liners last night that have seemed to have vanished down the drain with the sweat and sperm. He spoke of how he was happy to see me happy and to realize what I am doing is a good thing. He, like myself, was also glad to have happy X back. After two weeks of feeling assy it was good to be on an even keel.

It wasn't too long before Teacher had me undressed and was sucking on my nipples, his forte. Immediately I felt myself get wet and it wasn't long before he had me four on the floor, my ass in the air waiting for him to slip his cock in my cunt. I felt both his hands grasp my neck and I gasped for air and plunged his prick in while releasing his grip on my throat. I knew it was not going to be that long came and I did so fucking hard the muscles of my pussy pushed is cock out of me.

He wasn't going to give me a break. He had me lay down with my legs apart, I though he was going to go down on me, but no he had other ideas. Fisting.

I think I've mentioned this before, but Teacher's got some big ol' hands. Giant mitts. Two of his fingers equal a healthy sized cock. Dousing my already wet cunt with lube, he put one, two, then three digits in sideways and I buckled. "Try four, I can take it." OW! It hurt. It hurt good. From what he told me later on, there was no way a thumb was going to make it in, but that was fine with me. As he twisted and turned in my cunt, he pressed down on my mons with his free hand. I was in eyeball rolling back in the head heaven, coming strongly gripping him harder than his own handshake.

Still no break, Teacher wanted more of my cunt. He laid me on my side, taking me in the spooning position, which with his angled cock is perfect for hitting me right where it counts. As he rammed back and forth, I reached back and held on to his thighs. I'm a leg girl. I love strong legs and Teacher has some. I was on the verge of coming, but he beat me to the chase, which considering how awesome my night was, there was no need to be greedy. I felt his body tighten up behind me, and he grabbed my throat once again rendering me breathless as he came inside me.

When we were done. I sat up on the edge of the bed. "I feel drunk."
I did. I was full of adrenaline, racing endorphins, raging hormones (my own and the shit in the Red Bull), nicotine, caffeine, spit, come, blood and sweat. How the hell I managed to write the first part of the blog is beyond me.
-----------------------
This morning I could barely walk into my office and about an hour into work I started daydreaming about the night before and felt myself get aroused. It was a long day, but the moment I got home, I dropped my bags at the door, tore off my clothes and fucked myself real good. Everyone is hot for me, including myself, and that is a good thing!

Bitch In Heat - Part 1

This bitch has had her period this week and all the dogs have been sniffing around, trying to jump over the fence.

Upon getting permission from Teacher yesterday to see Mark tonight he said, "Sure, but I want to see you afterward."
"OK" I was a bit confused as I've never seen them on the same night.
"Don't worry, I won't be to rough with you."
"Ohhhhh..." Master of the Obvious here took a few moments to realize that Teacher wanted to fuck me after I had been fucked by Mark. Must be a guy thing I figured.
"Now X, just to let you know this is not a competition, I told you the other night I when I want you, I have you and I want you tomorrow night."
"Yes Sir."
"Now you are not to tell Mark that you are seeing me. I am flexible about the time, but I am going to see you no matter how late." He's a night owl, that's why we get along so well.

As soon as he hung up I started wondering how I was going to work this out logistically. It already felt like it was going to be "Three's Company 2008." I've never fucked two guys on the same day, much less had two dates. Mark had already mentioned doing out to a local nightspot as well as staying at my apartment. He's a very persuasive person, and I had already realized earlier in the week that I was going to have to learn to say "No" to him, something that is hard for a pleaser such as myself. But, I recalled reading some where that setting time limits and saying "No" to dudes sometimes works to your advantage, so I came up with some semi-legit reason for making it an early night.
--------------------
Lunchtime today I bought two cans of Red Bull. I had the mental energy, but I was afraid of being exhausted having had very little sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was be a dead fuck for both of my men.
---------------------------

Ran home from work, took a shower, and drove over to Mark's house. It was nice to see his face, it had been awhile. We spent some time listening to the demos of his new album and catching up. He had asked me to bring my new gag over, so I took it out and showed him, as well as gave him some of the condoms I picked up at the conference. It wasn't too long before he had me on his bed kissing on me, nibbling on my ears and throat. While I trust him, being a non-Dom, I made sure he put the gag on just right so I could pop it out of my mouth if I had to do as such. A girl's got to protect herself, right?

Gag in place, my rocker turned into an animal and ripped off my red push-up bra and pulled off my panties. He slapped me across the right cheek and I saw stars, immediately I was moaning. He gnawed on the back of my neck and I yelped into the rubber ball. It felt so fucking good. He had me face down, doggy-style and started ramming his thick cock into me like it was going out of style, pulling my hair with both hands and moaning my name. My cunt contracted around his cock in orgasm, I thrust my ass back towards him for more and he smacked my ass with each thrust, the orgasm didn't stop and I keep coming over and over as he tore my pussy up. As he came, he had his arms around my neck choking me as he tensed and groaned. We collapsed into a sweaty sated puddle.

After a few smokes and a couple of records, Mark was ready for round two. "Want more cock or me to eat your pussy?"
He didn't wait for me to answer, which is style. "I want to eat your pussy."
Who was I to argue.
"You dont' mind me being on my period and all."
"Baby, I'm a vampire."
Right On!
I've written on here before that I think it is cool when guys are not squeamish about period sex, but to have a guy go down on you while you're menstruating is so fucking filthy, and so goddamned sexy because it is so dirty.
"Now get those fucking clothes off." I obliged and laid back and spread my legs open for his tongue. I've had many a guy go down on me, and well most do a rotten job, but I must say this guy has the skills. Like Teacher he knows his way around a pussy, and I was overjoyed when he pulled the hood of my clit back to get down to Grand Nerve Central. As he licked and sucked at my cunt, I pulled at his hair and pulled on my nipple with my free hand. As I came, it was all I could do not to smother him with my thighs.

As satisfied as I was, I was scared he'd wanted to go for another round as I had to save some of my energy for Teacher. "Alright, let's go to the bar."

Whew
-----------

Tomorrow, Part 2, Teacher Fucks His Proud Slut.

Different Strokes

By the time I headed home from work last night I was wound up to the point where if I was a dude it would be either fuck or fight. To say I was in a foul mood would be an understatement. Between a weekend full of various car related debacles, family bullshit, and throngs of bargain crazed customers I was mentally and physically exhausted. Add a visit from "Aunt Flo" and well it is amazing I didn't spontaneously combust. It was one of those rare times where I actually wanted my weekend to end so I could start fresh.

Poor Teacher has had to deal with me being a basket case since the fiasco in Atlanta and all the garbage that I threw in the basket afterwards. Being the excellent Dom that he his, he knew exactly what the medicine I needed was to recover.

He gave me ample time to calm down after work, but I still was on edge when he opened the door to my apt. Naked, wearing some new peep toed platforms, I didn't feel as sexual as I would normally. It was like all the anger and angst had coated me with a film and rendered me lackluster. As he unpacked his bags though, I felt my tension subside a tad.

I brought out my shiny new gag for Teacher to buckle around my head Once it was secure in my mouth, I had a few moments of panic that I don't think Teacher saw because he was still getting his tools together. Being gagged always makes me a bit scared. Being highly neurotic I think of shit like that I'm choking on my own saliva. I have to remind myself to focus on breathing through my nose.

Once he was all settled, Teacher slipped a new leopard print blindfold over my eyes and had me put my arms behind my back to cuff and clip together. I think it was because I was still in panic mode, but I couldn't seem to bend over correctly for him to hogtie me. I kept collapsing and falling over. I started to think he'd just say "Fuck it" and leave. As they say in certain circles, I was a hot mess!

Finally I had my shit together, bound and in position I felt the tickle of the tip of little strand on the top of Teacher's crop. Those pleasant tickles didn't last for long. Teacher whipped my ass like he had never done before and I screamed into the rubber ball.

Switching from the crop to the suede flogger mighty wallops felt across my ass and back. My ascent into subspace began. I started wondering if I could take it. It seemed like forever and my skin was fresh.

Out came the dragon tail, and they don't call it "Dragon" for nothing. Stupid me moved at one point while the leather was flying and a blow destined for my ass instead went right between my asschecks striking my pussy. If I was able to I would have flown across the room. Back to the flogger and I was at that point where my ass was numbing and I was flying.

Teacher crouched down next to me and whispered into my ear, "The paddle is going to let you fly X to where you belong" and as he laid the paddle down on my ass, I grabbed his free hand and he let me hold on to it as he spanked the fuck out of me. Now it is moments like that when the pain is juxtaposed with the tenderness of his loving hand that make me feel so utterly close to my Dom.

I am unsure exactly how long I was under, but I felt myself collapse like jelly. For those of you reading this who have never been in subspace, what I can tell you is, imagine if you will falling asleep while having your teeth drilled. Maybe that is not a good analogy, but basically I was feeling no pain whatsoever and only mildly cognizant of what they hell was going on. All without drugs, which as someone who likes a good chemical buzz, is fucking amazing.

Teacher got me out of my haze with some strong slaps with the flogger and worked back up to a bare handed spanking from hell. In the midst of all of this, I was bleeding from my cunt which did not dissuade Teacher from driving his hand up to reach my g-spot. My pussy muscles contracted and I trapped his hand like a fucking boa constrictor as I came around his fingers.

When it was all said and done, it looked like a crime scene, both of us and the sheets covered with blood. Now I was more out of it than I can ever recall after a session. I even felt a bit nauseated which I thought was odd, but then I read something similar on another site today so perhaps it had something to do with all the adrenaline from both the spankings and me being so angry earlier in the evening.

Teacher and I spent a lot of time talking afterwards. "I feel bad that I don't want to fuck Teacher"
"I know"
"You're not mad are you"
"No"
"If I wanted it X, I would take it"

He's so good to me, he knew that it was the pain not the sex that was necessary last night. I never ever ever want to be half-assed in bed, an unenthusiastic lover. Teacher knew that it was necessary for me to have closure for the rough week so I could relax refresh and move on.

I slept like a baby.

Like, Gag Me!

My new gag
I'll post the tale later. It hurts to sit.

About Fucking Time

My gag that has been back-ordered finally showed up in the mail yesterday. After a rough as hell weekend, I am so looking forward to getting the living fuck beat and fucked out of me. It has been a week since I've had either. My libido was scarily low, as was the rest of me. I'm ready to rock. I'm ready to gnaw the new rubber ball into pieces. When it is all said in done, I hope it looks like a used up dog toy.

I tried it on when I opened up the box. It is just not the same when you put on your own gag, I felt like I was trying on a Halloween costume. But tonight, when Teacher comes over it will feel perfect.
That I know.

I have a long ass day ahead of me, but no matter how exhausted I am when I get home I am going to be waiting for Teacher with open arms and open legs.

The Damsel In Distress Is Back

Being a "Damsel in Distress" has been a recurring theme in this blog. Mostly as fantasy fodder, and I've even deduced it might be part of my sub puzzle.

Sometimes, though, being a distressed damsel is a total drag, like when it is reality based vs. fantasy. For instance, since I've returned from Hotlanta Teacher has had to "rescue" me several times.

First Time- Your oversexed blogger lost touch with reality over the last couple of weeks and forgot to pay her electric bill. Now normally she IGNORES her bills, but this time she honestly forgot. While waiting for the eclectic company to come turn on the lights, Teacher came over and kept me company. Which leads me to...
First Time Part 2 -The forgotten electric bill brought me negative in my bank account and I was subsequently hysterical that I was not going to be able to get to work on fumes. Teacher filled up my tank.
Second Time - A few days later I apparently left my lights on while at work and Teacher once again drove to my rescue to help me jump my car. This episode ate up a whole bunch of time we had alloted to play. Teacher has been very adamant about me getting to bed on time to be ready for work.

None of this is sexy whatsoever. But when we got back to my apartment, and I sat there gnawing on a chocolate bar Teacher brought me, I told him, "You know before I would have called 'Bob'(my platonic male bff)" .
"No you call me."
"Not now Teacher, but before we met."
"I know that X, but you always call ME first. Understand."
"But of course Teacher" He pulled off a string of caramel that was hanging from my lip and kissed me. We have been discussing his ownership of me. By default he has become my first contact for,well, anything, but I guess I need reminding sometimes.

I was kind of upset that we didn't have time to play last night as it was the first time I felt remotely sexual since last weekend's episode, and well I know I am truly deserving of some punishment. Still, I went to bed comforted in knowing that our relationship has, like the dogwood tree outside my window, blossomed this Spring.

Coming Down

The fun is over and back to reality. During my last couple of weeks of getting laid, partyinng, working and travel I, in typical fashion, forgot the important shit. Important like my light bill. Important like my taxes. I've got my lights on. Extension will be in the mail tomorrow.

I planned on taking today to recuperate and prepare myself for possibly the grim reaper at my job tomorrow and instead I found myself laying in the dark. I used my last money to pay the electric company, and as I waited Teacher came over to keep me company for awhile. He also, bless him, filled my car up so I make my huge commute in the morning.

Also I have not heard from "Mark." He's on vacation and well, that is a big wake up call for me. Even though he said he didn't want a relationship and I agreed that we'd just be friends & lovers, it did get pretty fucking intense. I've chosen not to worry about it, though I am midly annoyed. Teacher today said that I'd go "running back to him" as soon as he returned and that in itself annoyed me. I don't want Mark to think I'm that big of a jellyfish. I have been a good girl and not called him. Being overly impatient, this is not an easy thing for me. Teacher pointed out that:
a)Cock chases pussy and that calling Mark would be retarded
b)I'd be calling because I want attention.
True and true.

Sigh.

You'd think coming back from a weekend that was focused entirely on sex I'd be ultra super duper horny (and I HATE the word "horny"), but I am so not. Twice I've gotten out my masturbatory gear and twice I've ignored it.

I think what I need is another vacation. As soon as I have a day to do as such, I'm going to drive down to the beach, turn off my phone, lay on the sand, crack open a beer and fry myself.

Recharge. Refocus.Reorganize or rather ORGANIZE.

On a Positive Note

I'm so fucking glad I went to the Sex 2.0 conference. I feel invigorated and ready to take it up a notch, expand my horizons, and put more effort into my non-blog writing. I think the word "empowered" is often overused, but in this case it is necessary because that is how I feel. To be amongst fellow pervs, SMART pervs, pervs with a plan, pervs out to change the world, pervs out to educate, and pervs who were proud of who they were was amazing.

The aloneness of what I do and how I live has been a recurrent theme on this blog. After this weekend, I expect that feeling to subside a bit, not entirely, but a bit. But as free as I feel when I write, I know that I have to check my filthy blogger hat at the door.

Sex 2.0 Part 2 -Tears and Trauma

I felt like it was taking me forever to get ready for the Fetish Ball. Giving up on my false eyelashes (I've only inherited the liquid eyeliner skill gene), I asked Teacher if he was irritated by me taking so long.
"Not at all, this is your coming out party."
"I've always wanted to be a debutante! Now I'm a dirty deb!" This was going to not only be my first time going out to a Dungeon with Teacher, but actually going out and socializing with Teacher. We've gone to dinners and hotels, but never mingled.
"I went to sex school all day and now I'm going to the dirty deb ball!" I had taken to calling Sex 2.0 "sex school" while reminding Teacher that he was a lucky Dom for having such a hip sex nerd for a sub.

We both looked hot. Teacher rarely sees me in clothes,much less dolled up. As we rode to the club I became very nervous. "Just in case Teacher, my insurance card is in my wallet." I puffed on my cigarette. "Also, I'm a hyperventilator when I'm nervous."

Now I'm not going to be brutally honest here, it was not even remotely what I had expected in my own little personal fantasy of Atlanta's kinky and swinging elite. "Teacher, there is not one man here I'd want to put his dick in me!" The event was a fetish night hosted by a local swinger's club, so the night was definitely more swingeresque vs. fetish. I only saw one scene of some old dude getting his ass beat by his Domme. There were, though, lots of foxy women in the crowd.

A woman I will call "Donna" who attended the conference particularly caught my eye. She must be in her early twenties, she reminded me of myself when I was in the hardcore (punk)scene with her short hair and Doc Martens earlier in the day, well when I saw her in the club she was glowing in a short miniskirt with her gorgeous tits hanging out each with a clothespin on them.
She told me she got spanked for the first time, "Girl, you know those clothespins are going to sting like a motherfucker when you take them off!"

She kept them on for a cute boob contest. The winner (I don't know who it was really)in my opinion was Lumpesse who not only flaunted some gorgeously humongous boobage, but Twittered on her cellphone as she danced around. If that is not a dedicated blogger, I don't know what is!

Anyway, so Teacher and I explored the various rooms. There really was no action other than some people milling about. The music was blasting, so it wasn't really fit for any serious scening, but it did not stop us from trying out a cool spanking bench. One and long a gymnastic horse. I climbed right on top, hiked my dress up and Teacher when to town spanking my ass.

Well JUST when I was getting into it, I heard a voice. "She's really into it"
I looked up and saw a young black dude with a drink in his hand literally right next to my face
Teacher spoke up, "Back off!"
"I just want to know if I can join in."
"Get the fuck out of here!"
The guy kept flapping his gums, and Teacher got increasingly pissed. "This is a scene do not interrupt."
I'm assuming the guy was totally ignorant to what the hell was going on. The club let in single guys, and there were a bunch of young thugs dudes in hoodies and baggy pants. He left for a few minutes and then he came back in and Teacher piped up. "I told you to get the fuck out of here."
"I thought if I was quiet I could come back in."
The piece of shit then had the nerve to come up right next to me, I looked up again and just saw his crotch, "Can I put my dick in her mouth."
I was so fucking pissed and Teacher was, as I write we can't recall what was said, but the fucker just ruined the evening. I just now found out that Teacher, my commando Dom, had his knife out ready to castrate that guy had he had made a move on me. Honestly, I was scared there was going to be a shoot-out at the OK corral.

Little did I know right then that he had ruined more than the scene.
Teacher and I attempted to move on, but it became apparent that it was just a sucky party. The rest of the 2.0 crew was leaving as well. I must note that this crappy party had nothing to do with the amazing people who organized the event, it just so happened to fall on the same day.

We considered going downtown with everyone, but I was horny and realized I just wanted to play with Teacher. "Let's just go back to the hotel and have some fun. There was no argument there.

Back in the hotel, Teacher erotically undressed me, something I totally love considering I'm usually greeting him fully naked. I felt so sexy and loved.
"Get on your hands and knees X!"
I did and he started barehanded spanking me. The more he spanked, the more I got agitated, but mind you my mind was clear. I was focused on what was going on between him and me. My ass started to numb and I headed into subspace, but I was cognizant enough to be aware of a ball of anger building. I wanted to be cuffed right then. Teacher brought out the beautiful blue flogger and started flogging my ass and then my back, as the flogger strokes lessened, I blurted out "Teacher cuff me!" He didn't get mad at me topping from the bottom, but as he rifled around in his bag for the cuffs, I remained on my hand and knees and it just fucking hit me. "I hate that mother fucker! I hate him!" I was thinking of that asshole at the club who wanted to put his dick in my mouth. The more I thought of it, the more violated I felt, and then I just got fucking hysterical.

The asshole had awakened dormant skeletons of past violations. Yes that is plural. Once upon a time I had been molested, gang raped, drugged and sodomized, raped and sodomized, and fucking just plain old taken advantage of while in a drunken blackout.

I broke down.
"I feel so violated!" I did. I did. I was crying, blubbering, and wailing. Every ugly buried feeling about those situations surfaced. "I want to fucking go back there and find that piece of shit Teacher and kill him!" I felt his ugly ball of emptiness and hate in my chest.

So that guy had not only ruined my scene, but ruined my evening. He also ultimately ruined a night Teacher had been looking forward to after a horrific week. Being intimate was out of the question at that point.

Needless to say, Teacher consoled me and was concerned. He questioned if it was safe for me to participate in BDSM. I reminded him that it was not him who brought me to that state but the awful man . Even through my own tears, I felt concern for Teacher.

I do think it is safe, if not safer. I was able to release a lot of stuff that obviously has been weighing me down. I've been in and out of therapy for years, but even to this day I haven't been able to get to the level where I can recall much less discuss all the hell I have been through.

A few moments ago I just told Teacher he could read this if he wants, but he said he didn't think he could.

One thing I mentioned to him last night was stuff I had read that when you're in subspace anything can happen.

Still despite that shitty episode, I have enjoyed my weekend with Teacher.

Sex 2.0 Part 1

Amazing.

It was an amazing event. Worth way more than the $10 I spent. Major brainpower behind new sex media, erotica, sex work etc. was mind boggling. Needless to say I met some very cool people and feel not only more motivated to expand my sex writing horizons, but have also had a few seeds I had planted in my brain long ago finally sprout.

My three favorite sessions were on:

-Polyamory moderated by Cunning Minx, though I almost left when I heard the best places to meet poly people were at places that are so not my scene like sci-fi conventions, Renaissance faires, pagan festivals, but then she mentioned Kink, so I stayed put. She's was not only adorably animated, but very informative.
-Phone Sex and the Internet moderated by Lumpesse, a vibrant woman who, if I could, would totally want spend more time.
-Sex Blogging moderated by Viviane. This was my fan girl moment and I am happy to report she is a really cool woman, and a great speaker. I got some good tips, but also pleasantly surprised myself in finding out that I am doing a lot of things correctly.

There is SO much more to tell, but I've got to go get ready for the Fetish Ball. The conference was held in the dungeon where we're going tonight. As I told Teacher today, I'm not too scared about going to a dungeon for the first time now that I spent all day in one on folding chairs.

Sex 2.0 Part .01

Teacher & I made it to our hotel. It was a longer haul than I had expected, but somehow hemanaged not to push me out onto 85 and was a super big sport by letting me blast my rock'n'roll. At one point though, I almost said "fuck it" about going. He was running hours late and I was cranky. I'm glad I got over that.

So tomorrow is the big conference and at night is a fetish ball. Intially I didn't want to go because I don't have any true fetish garb like a rubber dress or some corset, but I do have a foxy black dress, and I being the world's worst packer packed about 6 pairs of high heels and boots. I'm sure I'll look fine, and not like a poseur. I have never been to anything like this, as the city I live in isn't large enough to host such an affair. My primary interest is just checking people out. I have a bad feeling I'll be subjected to lots of awful techno and industrial music. To each their own.

Anyway, I'll be reporting. Can't live blog as I don't have my own laptop, this is Teacher's.

Must go cuddle up next to Teacher.

Spoiled

I'm supposed to be sleeping but I am so used to getting fucked and used lately that I am suffering dick withdrawals.

Sex 2.0

If all plays out as planned I'll be attending the Sex 2.0 conference this weekend. I'm very excited as there are going to be some top notch people speaking.

If any of my fellow bloggers are going, drop me a line asap!

Polywanna What?!

Both the men are saying it to me, but yet I refuse to listen.

Polyamourous.
"X, C'mon what are you..a seriel monogomist?" Mark said to me on the phone tonight.
"Well, I uh,.."
"You're man, you know he's probably got another lady on the side.'
"He does"
"See"
"I just am having a hard time grasping it, that is all."
"BFD X, Big Fucking Deal, you're fucking him and you're fucking me I don't want to be a boyfriend, I just want to be a friend and a lover. Your man wants the same thing. Enjoy yourself!"

I pretty much had the same conversation with Teacher. He told me he was proud of my current growth and exploration, and I told him thanks but I wasn't.

Part of me wonders if I'm just settling for this because I can't get one man to settle down with me.

There. I said it.

Then, there is when I'm in the moment, in the company of either man that I feel amazing and wonderful and all is well in the Universe. It is when I am home, alone, that I wonder what the hell am I doing.

I also know this is a fast moving comet and it is ready to crash to Earth.

Teacher has pointed out that if I remain in this lifestyle I will never be in a "normal" relationship. Mind you I've never been "normal" my entire life and sometimes it has been painful, and sometimes I've reveled in it. I've prided myself for being open-minded, but I guess sometimes I'm not as much as I want to think.

As I told Teacher tonight, I honestly want my cake and to eat it to. "Teacher, I can't lie, if I could and I'm not talking about D/s, but if I could, I'd have a leash on each one of you. You know, so that you two were only there for me."
"Male competition for you."
"Exactly"
"Well there is, but it is mostly under the radar."

So when Mark told me today that he had a date with some chick tonight I had to bite my tongue. If I'm supposedly in a poly situation, am I allowed to be jealous? Am I? I've been fucking jealous since day one when Teacher has been with his sorry excuse for another sub (he'd agree, she says she wants to be a sub, but never has been able to grasp it).

They don't call 'em growing PAINS for nothing. All I know is that if you'd told me six months ago I'd be having two lovers that were aware of one another I would have scoffed.

Fuckmeat

I've attempted numerous times to try to condense my last two weeks of debauchery into one big dirty post. It is impossible. Had I been smart, I would have posted daily, but alas I didn't. I give up. I'll just start in the middle.

With Teacher's blessing, I've been fucking around with Mark, quite a lot. The dude is fucking crazy, but that makes me want to fuck him more.

The second time we fucked, things were much more active than our inital session.
He, unlike Teacher, is not very much into foreplay, but that said somehow it is ok with him. He makes up for it in dirty talk and a big cock. He gnawed all over me, the back of my neck, my chest, my ears as he fucked me from behind. The same night he slapped me across the face as he fucked me, he also slapped my tits, and held me down in a chokehold as he fucked me into a multiple orgasmic frenzy. The most bizzare thing happened though, it was not the chokehold that made me lose my breath, at some point during this rough session, i lost my breath and blacked out for a second. I chalked it up to the most active fucking I've experienced in ages coupled with some intense orgasms. When were through the windows in his bedroom were fogged, we were drenched with sweat, and both our eyeglasses fogged up when we put them back on. I woke up the next morning sore and black & blue. My tit still has a bruise the size and color of a liver.
====
"Come over and let me eat your pussy before I play." Mark is a musician. "I love going out smelling like cunt." Not only did he go down on me, but proceeded to fist me, my first time experiencing this. It didn't take me long to come, my muscles clenched his entire hand almost instantly. "I'm not going to wash my hands." As he played that night, I sat there watching with a smile, knowing that as he sang the essence of my cunt co-mingled with his sweat. He dragged me back to his place that night and proceeded to fuck me once more.
====
"All I ask X is that you ask my permission to go see Mark," Teacher said to me last night. I have yet to lose my Vanilla guilt programing. "May I go see Mark Monday night?"
"Yes you may"
Tonight our sex was nothing to write home about, but I was able to get him off via a blow job and as I swallowed his cum, I felt satisfied knowing that I had suceeded where apparently many women had failed before. I always am afraid I'll lose my blow job chops. If I didn't have a mouth full of jizz, I would have let out a sigh of relief
___
"Fuckmeat" Teacher called me the other night. He's enjoying me catting around. Tonight he asked me "Do you feel like a slut?"
"I always feel like a slut."
"I guess I'd be more of a slut if I fucked both of y'all the same night."
"I can come over." Oh fuck.
"Ha!Ha!" he laughed. He knew I couldn't handle it tonight.
"You know what Teacher? What would be probably the most slutty if both you guys gave me a creampie the same day. Now THAT would be slutty."
_______

"Sunday night your ass is MINE." Teacher informed me the other day.
I was fine with that. Sundays have been our night for a long time and I missed him terribly.
We spent a lot of time discussing my current dalliance, and well folks in the midst of our conversation, Teacher let out the "L" bomb! Yep, he didn't say "I love you x" directly, but in the course of discussing something. "You just said you loved me!" I kissed him. "You know I kind of knew you did, but was never expecting you to say as such and I figured that was OK."
Teacher showed me his love via a barehanded spanking after fucking me to orgasm. I was already exhausted, so that coupled with the orgasm the pain of the spanking dissapated very quickly and I ended up in a very sleepy-state like subspace. I would not be surprised if I was drooling. When Teacher was trying to rouse me from la-la land I had a hard time making a complete sentence.
----
Fucking has other benefits besides orgasm. I have also lost almost 10 lbs the last two weeks. I have felt incredibly sexy, and have enjoyed feeling the increasing tautness of my ass and hips. But, I am incredibly, incredibly tired. It has been hard to keep up with my basic stuff-like my blog, laundry, and even my tv shows! But the laundry and the tv can wait, my blog is much more important.

It's Official, I'm A Dirty Slut

I just got off the phone with Teacher. I had to share with him something I was not to thrilled to share.

While fucking Mark this week, we had a condom break. He also had a condom come off as he pulled out of me. While there is a pregnancy risk, that is not my concern. My concern is the ever so unsexy STDs.

Now Teacher and I have only used condoms a few times. While not the wisest thing per se, it has always been understood that was only between us. I can't help it, I'm a whore. I honestly do like it bareback.

Then for the love of God I wake up this morning with a cold sore on my lip. Sexy. I has been years since I've had one.

So anyway, Teacher is coming over tonight and I realized it was smarter to tell him before he came over. Otherwise he'd be automatically pissed if I didn't kiss him, much less I didn't want to interrupt any proceedings with an "oh by the way."

As I expected he was understanding. I told him the details.
"This is the risk of fucking multiple partners" he laughed. I told him couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell him., and he commended me for doing as such.
"Now Teacher, I'm just telling you all this. Proceed at your own risk. You can though, kiss me on my neck if you want."
"I'll kiss you wherever the fuck I want X"

Mark has led a sordid life, and while it is always nerve wracking, I'm going to take my filthy cunt to the Ob-Gyn and get tested.

As I write, he's on his way over here. He has yet to see all the markings I've acquired the last couple of days, including a bruise on my tit that is the size and color of a liver. I'm very nervous. My guess is he'll laugh, inquire as to if it hurts and if Mark was safe wtih me, and then probably point out his own skill with my body. The bruise came about by having my tits slapped, which was incredible while it occurred, it doesn't hurt though it looks like it should.

Wish me luck dear readers.

Eeny Meeny Miney Mo, Your Favorite Blogger Is A Ho!

On my right breast is a hand print, on my left breast is a huge black & blue raspberry. In the center of my chest is the imprint of teeth. The back of my neck just barely missed the point of a hickey. Thankfully.

My arms are sore from supporting my body.

Legs and knees are surprisingly fine, but my ass is tender.

My pussy, now, let's just say I have had the shit fucked out of me for the past week by two hot men-both Teacher and Mark.

I've been without a computer since my last post, and well I honestly haven't had time to blog anyway.

Tonight I have shooed the boys away so I can catch up on my writing and share some fabulously sexy tales with all of you. Tales of my both strong Master and my energetic lover fucking the ever living daylights out of me. I've been spanked, smothered, slapped, bit, and made to come.

Tune in later....

The Other Lover and My Love

Lots and lots of catching up to do my readers.

So not long ago I met a guy I'll call "Mark" at my local hipster watering hole. He caught my eye the minute I walked in, it wasn't that he was ultra hot, but that he had some some unique glasses and just a very rock'n'roll aura about him. Having slept with my fair share of musicians, I have a good radar for these types of dudes. Of course at the bar as I was at, anywhere I turned I was in spitting distance from some musician or another.

I mentioned to one of my girls that I thought he was cute, and she suggested I tell him I like his glasses. I poo-poohed the idea and went back to my cocktail, and my evening. Later on I turned around to see him walk by and flashed him a smile, and quickly turned back around. A few minutes later he came over to me "I like your glasses," he said I too, wear some pretty non-conventional frames. Ends up he's a new dude in town.

From the first word it was obvious that he was a slick motherfucker, with major game. After some quick chit-chat getting to know one another, it ended up that we had numerous friends in common. Our social microcosms, despite being 1000s of miles apart overlap. So he flirted with me as I sipped on my drink, "can I get your number, we should hang out sometime." I honestly hesitated, as Teacher was the first person I thought about. I knew giving this guy my number could feasibly lead me to some trouble. Before he left, I had slipped of my glasses and he commented on my eyes, "They're the color of sweet tea." Awww. "Your have pretty lips too." Before I had a chance to thank him, he gave me a quick kiss on the mouth and ran out the door. I swooned the whole way home.

Meanwhile, my girlfriends took it upon themselves to tell me that they thought he was bad news. I, though already knew that from some of the information he gave me about himself and his troubled past. That made me like him more.

Guilt overwhelmed me for having any sort of feelings for another man besides Teacher. The next day I told him "There is a guy who wants to hang out with me."
"Go for it."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"X, you are a young woman. I can only give you so much of my time. Go out with him, you have a lot in common."
"Really Teacher?"
"Have fun. Now if you start want to having a relationship with him, that is an entirely different issue."
"But Teacher, you know if you did the same thing I would be fucking livid. You know how I am."
Have I mentioned Teacher has a fat cow that refuses to go to pasture? She's no threat, just on my time. I'm her threat.
I just didn't' want to set myself up to be a hypocrite.

Now while I heard everything Teacher said, I still couldn't wrap my little mind around it, much less I was in a relationship where I could even bring another person up. Still, I didn't have the ovaries to tell him that I was going to see him the next day and made up some ridiculous story about bowling.

Mark texted and called me the next day. He's a high strung guy, not the insightful listener I have found Teacher to be. But then, this was not going to be about talking I had a feeling. Once my girls got wind that I was going to meet up with this dude, they started razzing me about how I was going to hop into bed with him very quickly. Instead of arguing that I wouldn't, I opted to let my freak flag fly and told them "you're damn straight I'm going to fuck him." They know I'm a slut, but not to the extent of my sluttery.

I'm not in high school my readers, I'm a grown woman and this is my sexual prime. I never want to look back with a withered cunt and an estrogen patch wishing I had enjoyed myself while I had the chance.

Bowling, I did not go. But I did go meet up with Mark. Our chit-chat was minimal. He put on some loud tunes, and threw me down and kissed me. As I told Teacher, it was not the sweet soulful kisses I get from him, but purely animalistic. It was also a tad awkward as we didn't really have any "getting to know you" here's how I operate action. It was zero to 60 in under a minute.

He gave me a few moment to admire his tattoos, and then started ripping off my clothes.
"I'm totally into big asses and big tits," he growled
"You're in right place my friend" I said looking him right in the eyes. He pulled my bra down and admired my breasts. "Those are some gorgeous tits" I, once again, thanked my two girls silently.
"I want to eat that sweet pussy of yours darlin," and he pushed me down on his bed, and pulled my panties down, tossing them aside.
He went to work, parting the lips of my cunt, and properly pulling them back to reveal my taut clit. With skill he licked and sucked, and darted tongue in and out, fucking my pussy with his tongue for quite some time. I had just started digging it when he stopped. "Baby, I love eating you pussy, but right now I just want to fuck. I'm going to eat you out some more later."
"Actually first I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours."
So right then my vanilla cone fell on the floor and got dirty. Hmm, I thought, this might be more interesting than I thought.
He pulled his jeans off. I was not surprised that he was going commando, as it seems to be de rigueur for all the pervy rockers I've ever fucked.

Mark had a very ample sized cock. Very. It was thick, long, and smooth. Not too veiny. In retrospect I guess he did shave around that area, as the rest of him is pretty hairy, but not in a gross way. He is much shorter than Teacher, not buff by any means, just a regular dude, but definitely with sex appeal.

Being the cumslut that I am, I willingly opened my mouth to for the first taste of this new cock. He held my head still as he drove his thickness in and out, ultimately subsiding to let me do my work. As I worked him with my tongue, I thought about my training with Teacher. How lucky this dude was to have a slut as skilled as I was sucking his dick. I gagged as I attempted to take him down my throat, and I could tell he loved the show, groaning, looking very satisfied.

Where the segue way from sucking cock to getting fucked is a blur, but I know I ensured he put on a condom, as Teacher and I have been fucking bareback since forever. Also, I know I was on all fours as he drove his cock into me for the first time. "How do you like that cock, you filthy bitch?" I could do nothing but gasp as his size made my cunt ache.

So Mark is fucking the shit out of me, when he stops and spanks my ass. I yelped. He spanked me again. Not a tap or a smack, but a big old wallop. My actual words have escaped me, but I know I told him how much I dug being spanked.
"You like it rough huh, X"
"Mmmmm"
He proceed to spank me, then fuck me, spank, and fuck. I started to lean down on my arms when I felt my head being yanked up by my hair. Oh yeah!
With both hands he held onto my hair, pulling my head back as he pounded into me. As I started to come, I must have been loud, because he pushed my head back down. "You've got to be quiet" (due to his living situation.)
Of course being me, I didn't mind having my head pushed down as he fucked both of us to orgasm, it just made it even hotter.

We were a sweaty mess afterwards, smoking, and he said "So you liked this spanking, huh" Oh yeah, mind you this cat is still hard, I'm trying not to climb back on him.
"Yep."
"I always end up with the submissive ones."
My mouth just fell to the floor. Mind you this dude has no idea that I am anyone's sub, no word of BDSM has been spoken. I don't even think he's officially a lifestylist, but as Teacher said, just a kinkster.
"Why do you think that is?"
"I'm just a dominant dude." That I don't know exactly, as he's not stereotypically macho, but he no wallflower either.
Still, I don't mention my whole story about being a sub, I just let it be. In case you have not been reading this blog long, or may not remember, part of my finding Teacher was inquiring about how anyone would know a sub is a sub, like on the street. This once again just confirmed to me that I'm truly acting upon my nature.

We went for round two. Knowing, though, this time my proclivities, Mark was a bit rougher. This time the spanks were harder, the hair tugged on a bit rougher, his thrusts stronger and he even slapped my face, which caught me off guard, and I liked. Though Teacher has never done as such and I don't think it is his style.

When the evening was over and Mark walked me to my car, he said, "So you're into kinky sex huh."
"Yep"
"Maybe next time I can tie you up. Would you like that?"
I just smiled.
--------
So I'm all sated, having enjoyed myself, but the whole night I was in mental torment. Teacher had said it was OK for me to hang out with him, but never did mention me fucking him. Then I started thinking about what he'd think about Mark tying me up. I decided that it that was brought up I was going to tell Mark that right now I only trust one person to tie me up. I would to need to truly find out this guys experience with this. I don't need to lose any limbs.

When Teacher came by the following night I came clean. He chuckled and was not one iota upset with me. "I want you to enjoy yourself X. I am very proud of you for being a slut."
I couldn't believe my ears. We had some pretty heavy conversations about the whole thing, and yet still I was feeling utterly guilty.

"I want to write about my experience in my blog, but I don't' want to hurt your feelings."
"You won't X. There is nothing you can do to make me take away your broadband connection."
We cracked up. I'm using his computer and Internet service.
"So I can be explicit."
"I want you to be."

I had to be 100% honest.

I uttered something I have yet to say to him.
"Teacher, I have to tell you something I swore I would never say to you first and I don't' want you to feel obligated to reciprocate."
"OK"
"The whole reason why I am in turmoil about this is not only because I respect you, but because..because I love you." I think I was holding my breath. "I think you already know that but I never wanted to say that."
"I always took your word "adore" as carefully chosen.

He kissed me and hugged me, and all was good in the universe.

Odd

Not sure where to start this post, but anyway a man asked me out. I dicussed it with Teacher & he gave me the go ahead. I've never been in this situation where I could bring something like this up & while Teacher said it was cool, I must say I still feel like a jackass.

Spring Fever

If I don't get spanked, laid, bound or any combination of the two in the next couple of days I will spontaneously combust.

Last week and the last couple of days have been a washout. Between last week's awkwardness, the other D/s couple flaking out, and both Teacher and myself having intense business deadlines there has been no time to squeeze in any joint fun. I did go out with some friends on Friday and got my flirt on, but that was that. That usually is enough for me.

I've been told that I am a major flirt by various friends, but I can say I genuinely am not conscious of it when I do it, in fact I was flabbergasted the first time anyone brought it up. I'm just being myself. Once I was having a very animated conversation with two of my guy pals and their coworker, a big lug of a dude. I'll call him Bubba. A major redneck, but hilarious. After he left, I got scolded by my pals. "You need to watch out X!"
"What?"
"You need to be careful flirting with Bubba."
"I wasn't flirting! What the fuck?"
Neither one of them was able to articulate exactly what I was doing, but according to them I was treading into dangerous waters by merely having a conversation. Mind you these are long time friends and this had never ever happened in the years I had known them, so it sort of startled me.
"I was just being myself."
"Well, be careful."
"Whatever, hand me the bong." I guess I was/am so used to being the only girl around that I took it for granted I was always safe.
---
Now, there are times when I am very aware of my actions, and those times I sort of enjoy knowing that perhaps I made a deposit in someone's spankbank!

Teacher has sort of planted the seed in my head, well maybe moreso reminded me that I can use my feminine wiles to get what I want. So, I have more so than ever attempted to do as such. For instance, I purposefully got dolled up to get some work done on my car, and sweet talked my way into a nice discount. At one of my multitude of jobs, when dealing with male customers I take every opportunity to bend over, give them a look at my cleavage, bat my eyes, or joke around. Ca-ching!

---
Guess I got off track, so anyway yes, I need to get laid. The past couple of days from the smell of the grass to the way the air even feels on my arms, it is making me batty. Right now as I write, a storm is approaching, and all I want to do is roll around in the cool sheets with my baby. Is that weird I call my Dom "my baby?" So what.

If things work out as I wish, I'll see Teacher tonight. I watched two really hot clips on Alebeard's blog last night. There was no direct linkback to the post, so go scroll to February 28 "Back From Mexico" as I couldn't embed them. Check them out. I totally dig where he's fucking his sub with the end of the flogger.

Got My Answer

Teacher got a good chuckle from my post from yesterday, where I pondered why he never asked to watch me masturbate like every other dude I've been with in my life.

His answer was painfully obvious.

"So what is your answer?"
"Because it is my job to make you come."

Where's my dunce cap?

Finger In The Honey Pot

I just learned new slang word tonight, "fapper." I'm usually up on things, and pride myself as such, but somehow that word got under my crusty 30 something year old radar. To "Fap" is to jerk off. "Shikking" is for chicks. It is apparently derived from a comic onomatopoeia. Not my scene, but I appreciate the lingo.

Anyway later on I decided to relax after a stressful day by stretching out on my bed with my hands in my panties. While I was conjuring up a sexy fantasy, which being ADHD sometimes involves some mental channel surfing. So in the midst of imagining going down on this hot chick I ran into this weekend. This truly gorgeous girl once who once finger fucked in my friend's bathroom and said shit like "You like me fucking you slut." So I'm getting myself in the mood, and then I realized something very current:

Teacher is my first long time lover who has not requested to see me masturbate.

It got me wondering. Is it because he's older and is jaded? Is it just not his thing, or he has just not got around to it? Maybe being non-Vanilla its no big deal. After all he's the first truly non-Vanilla man to get his hands on my pussy.

Now that I bring it up, I must mention it is a non-issue. I could care less if he never asked me to do as such. Of course if he asked, I would oblige, no problem. None at all .

A Little Ray of Sunshine

I'm over being a sad sack.

I was a nervous wreck all Friday until I met Teacher in the parking lot of the bank so I could pay him part of the money I owed him. We started talking and apparently I was not the only one he had been pissed at, I was just one of many and well I felt more of it probably than anyone, so all is good.

But as I write, we were supposed to be meeting up with another couple for some play and well they wimped out apparently. Seems like people flake out a lot in this community. It honestly worked out for the best as I am on my period and that would have taken some fun out for me...with the chick at least. Teacher has earned his red wings many times over.

Like Gag Me! Or How I'm Avoiding The Real Shit

I have my own, personal, never used by another sub, gag coming in the mail. I think it is the "never used by another sub" part that makes me happy. Any time I've used the ball gag that Teacher has I get annoyed thinking about this one particular bitch who's teeth marks I know are in it. Bad enough we've shared Teacher's cock, but somehow the gag really fucking bugs me. It is equivalent of a lipstick stain.

Funny thing is not that long ago, the thought of being gagged terrified me. Nothing looked more horrific to me than images of women bound and gagged, looking utterly helpless.

Now I wanted to be gagged.
1. Because my fucking mouth seems to get me in trouble. Men's dicks get them in hot water, women's mouths bring them down.
2. I'm always having to stifle my screams due to neighbors, I'm sick of chewing on my arm, my blanket, whatever is handy to do as such.

I'm also excited about this particular gag because I've been eying it and the additional matching accessories. I know Teacher could give a shit if I'm matchy, matchy, but you can't take the girly girl out of me.

Once this gag arrives, I'm going to save up some loot for the matching cuffs and blindfold, which looks very Kill Bill-ish to me for some reason. I have some vintage watch bands that look like the cuffs, hell I'd rock at least one of them out without even thinking twice about it. The collar is pretty cool as well, it even has a matching leash.

I know this is a rambling post, I'm actually avoiding what is truly on my mind and that is that Teacher is pretty annoyed with me right now--from the loan to the scene faux pas to screwing up some important plans, I'm on his shit list. I have a punishment coming, I am certain. Meanwhile I've being punishing myself, and just being able to tell he's irritated with me over the phone is punishment.

Bad, Bad Sub

Tonight was supposed to be a night for celebration and I fucked it up.
How?

1. I decided to take a nap. I overslept. Teacher called me when he was near my house and I woke up in a panic. Half asleep and discombobulated I jumped in the shower.
2. Because I overslept I had no time to make any preparations, much less prepare myself.
3. Teacher was cool about it, but my fuck-up hung over me like a black cloud.
4. This is when it gets bad. I had it in my head that I wanted a bit of a struggle. Basically I was topping from the bottom without giving Teacher any indication as such. So when he tried to put the cuffs on me, I got bratty. I put the blindfold on me and attempted to put me in position. I struggled. Blindfolded I didn't realize he was miffed. Then he brought out a new dragon tongue whip he purchased and thwacked me a bunch, then he switched to spanking me and well, he stopped.
He pulled the blindfold up over one of my eyes and looked at me.
"What?"
"Do you not want to do this?"
"Yes. Why?"
"It doesn't seem as such X."
"You know I always tell you if I don't want to."
5. I explained to him that I was looking for it to be rougher and well, it came apparent that I had fucked up. He explained to me how important it is for me to tell him these things before we play, not during, as he thought my resistance was disinterest and he did not want to continue if that is something I didn't want to do. I respect him for that. I guess in my mind I wanted him to punish me for being a brat, and well, he might be smart, but he's not psychic. My play role apparently was only in my head.
6. Scenus Interuptus.
7. I am surprised I didn't cry.
8. I apologized. I felt like a total jerk. It just totally ruined the mood for the rest of the evening and of course, that upset me.
9. Teacher and I fucked, but I was so mad at myself I couldn't come even though it felt amazing.
10. He still left with a smile on his face, but I am so upset right now. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize what we have, much less do anything that might make him seek out some bitch.

Case of the Blahs

I just have lost my mojo this week. I'm certain I'll find it. Just need to retrace my steps. I even canceled on Teacher tonight. Bad. I know. But I'll see him tomorrow.

Ain't Nothing Free

Money, it is the bane of my existence. Oh I love to spend it, but it is beyond me to manage it. I've been taught the process of budgeting, saving, etc. numerous times but I still always seem to find a way to slither down into the putrid hole of debt.

As much as I hate being in debt, I hate asking anyone for money. To do so is to admit I'm a fuck-up, if anything admitting it myself. To owe someone you know money is a whole lot different ballgame than say, owing a bank. But desperate times make for desperate measures. One thing I've never done and never wanted to do is to borrow from a boyfriend.

Today I broke my promise to myself.

He sat in the lot of the gas station in his sleek ride, hair in pony tail, cigarette in mouth. I pulled up beside him, happy to see his face, but I considered crawling over to him. I felt too low to walk.

"Here's your money X," he handed over a check to me. As lowly as I felt, I felt utterly thankful that I would be able to pay off the party that was harranguing me. Of course I was still in debt, but now in debt to Teacher. We had already made plans for my repayment out of my next paycheck.

I opened my mouth to thank him, and he snatched the check right out of my hands.

"You thought it was going to be that easy X?"

I was a tad dumbfounded, but mostly scared.

"You're going to learn from this loan my sweet," Teacher exhaled smoke out his window and took a long hard look at me. Me, well I was gnawing at my lip trying not to tear up.

"I now have a mortgage out on your pussy X," he cackled in such a way I was starting to wonder if this was the same Teacher who held me against my door last night and spanked the shit out of me and then cradled me in his arms for the rest of the evening.

I worked up the courage to speak up. "Teacher, I thought we had already made plans for me to pay you back."

"That is true X, but that is in regards to the financial debt. See, you also must repay your debt to me for your utter slackness, I've spend a lot of time trying to train you X, and well I'm very disappointed that you have been so..hmm..sloppy with your finances."

I felt my face break out in the heat of shame.

"I'm so fucking sorry Teacher. Honestly. Sincerely. You have no earthly idea how mortified I am at this moment, much less mortified that I had to even ask you."

"Now I will give you a teeny bit of credit for coming to me first, as your owner you are ultimately my responsibility. Imagine, if you will, a dog that has decided one day they were never housebroken. The owner comes home from work, ready to walk his pet and there on the floor is a sight he has not seen since the dog was a puppy--a big puddle of pee. Now he doesn't even have to say anything to the dog because the dog already knows he was wrong and is cowering in behind the couch. Still, he's pissed off it has been a long day. Now he could do a few things. The dog's master could clean the puddle, reprimand the dog and go on with his evening OR decide that this dog was useless and give him away, despite all the time invested in the training and building of a relationship with that dog."

I still was chewing on my lip. It was increasingly hard to look Teacher in the eye.

"A master worth his salt would keep the dog and figure out the cause of the dog's poor behavior, and strive to correct it. A shitty master would just give up, get rid of the dog and find a new one."

A new dog?! A new sub?! No!

"Teacher I think you are a master worth his salt and I know you wouldn't just toss me out."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are. I'm not just saying that. I know you believe in me, otherwise you would not have taken me on. Still, I do want you to know that I will do everything I can to rectify my shitty ways."

"Are you truly worth my trouble X?"

"Yes Teacher Sir, I am." I was so humbled, I could barely get my words out.

"Now if that is the case, I think you can start repaying me today."

"But Teacher, I don't get paid till Friday." My quick reply made it seem as if I had not listened, but I did, I was just so nervous. I could see in Teacher's eyes he was getting a bit perturbed. He doesn't hide is irritation very well.

"That is not what I was talking about X, " he said putting his face so close to mine that I instinctively started moving backwards my head almost touching the passenger side window.

As I opened my mouth to reply, Teacher grabbed a fist full of hair.

"THIS is what I was talking about my dear sub," as he spoke he unzipped his jeans and unleashed his cock, which was just as hard and angry as the rest of him, red and purple and veins bulging. He pushed my my head down, his fingers entwined between my brown locks, onto his prick.

I didn't fight it. I'm sure some would, but then we're talking about me, a sub who derives pleasure from being sufficated by cock stuck in her airways.

"You little fucking whore X, you're going to fucking take all of me in that mouth of yours"
He didn't give me a chance to wrap my tounge around the head of his cock because he was fucking my throat, my head banging against the steering wheel, totally oblivious to the fact that we were just in a busy gas station parking lto.
I'd have a second to breath and he'd ram himself right back in. Drool and tears soaked both Teacher's jeans and my chin.
My panties were soaking as well.
"You are going to pay back every fucking dollar X, whore or no whore, you got me?"
I made an attempt at replying which probably sounded like "waawaaawa."
"Got me X?"
"wawaaa"
"I can't hear you X speak a bit louder!"
"WaWAwaa" it was impossible to speak with cock slamming into my palate.
"Louder X"
"WaWAAAAA" I didn't have to try much longer because he shoved his cock down my gullet and let go a hot stream of cum.

Usually Teacher takes his time on the recovery end of a sex act, but today was not a normal day. He zipped up, handed me the check, kissed me on the forehead and said "Get your ass out of this car and go pay that goddamn bill"
"Yes, Teacher" I obeyed. It if is possible to do the walk of shame in less than five feet, I most certainly did it.

When I got back in my car I looked at the check. In the notes section he put "CMSLT"

Maybe I should have gotten an advance on my taxes.

Nah.




original erotic fiction by subnouveau based on some reality. some.

Open Letter

Sir,

You
make me whole
you make me feel safe
you some times scare me
make me feel vulnerable
mostly in my heart, a beat up bruised
used heart
but
sometimes of my own mortality
but you've made me trust myself
to put my neck in your grip
my breath at your mercy
in this surrender i have achieved
much healing
you have stuck my head right into the lion's cage
and put me face to face with sharp fangs and big mouths
you found a little girl in a woman's body
and are helping her grow up
you know i hate poems
and this isn't one
"illegitimi non carborundum"
x

Be Careful What You Wish For

"X be careful what you wish for," Teacher said with smirk. Well I don't know if he was smirking because we were on the phone, but he certainly sounded like he did.

He took my BDSM wish-list to heart. In a few weeks we will be having a little fetish fête with another Dom and his slave. Sounds good on paper, but having never been in such a situation I would be a total liar to not say I'm not a bit nervous. But I'm excited. Very excited. So much so that it has been the main topic of all my masturbatory fantasies since he's shared his plan with me.

I have not been with another MF couple in a vanilla situation either. I have been with two guys at one time--thank you Jack Daniels! I did have a MFF threesome but it was a coke fueled evening and it ended up being more like me and the dude and the chick passed out.

Anway, this situation is going to be different on many levels. One it is planned. Two I'll be sober. Three, and most importantly, I will be involved as a submissive.

Teacher and I have yet to play in public, much less with another couple. I have also yet to mingle with those in my local kinky community, so this two will be very interesting for me to see another D/s couple interact.

One thing I have given much though to and have brought up to Teacher is protocol and my behavior around the other couple. He and I have our own thing, and I think he's possibly more lenient with me than the other Doms I read about. Part of this I think is that he knows my nature is like one of a young calf trying to stand up for the first time on wobbly legs coupled with Mr. Magoo and perhaps early-onset Alzheimer's. Imagine if you will a three-year old running around, switching from toy to toy to toy wreaking havoc and finally the mother yanks the kid and tells them to sit down. That my readers is me. Now as I write this I'm sure I'll have hell to pay for saying he's taken it easy on me.

Now I told Teacher I want to know exactly how to behave, as I want him to be a)proud of me as his sub and more importantly b)I know I am a reflection of him and I want to make sure he is regarded as the good Dom that he is. He told me that he had already planned to have that discussion with me. Good to know we're on the same wavelength.

So I'm certain he and this other Dom I'll call, hmmm, Mr. Spank must have something up their sleeves. I mean, I know I would. Considering the competitive nature of men I would imagine I might be in for some intense pain, major mindfuckery, and God willing a mouth full of pussy and cock.

Speaking of pussy and cock, I must say that I'm mostly aroused by the thought of possible interaction with the other sub. My current fantasy has us tied together in such a manner that our cunts are smashed together, clit touching clit, making it virtually impossible to not come. I've thought a lot how I will handle it if Teacher fucks that woman. I think I can deal with it as this is not a local situation. Somehow that makes it OK with me. Not to mention that her man will be there. I think a single chick is where I'd be threatened. I am also a bit of a voyeur so just getting to see live and person some beatings and fuckings seems like a total party to me. Being fucked by the other Dom at this point is not really on my mind. I would though, be interested in an attempt at some good ol' dp-double penetration.

I think I watch too much porn.

photo from wiredpussy

Plug It Up-Updated

There on my doorstep was a package when I got home, inside was something I've been looking forward to trying--my first butt plug.

I'm going to wait for Teacher to give me some instructions on how he wants me to use this thing. I still, I am afraid, a bit in noviceville with the ass stuff though I'd like to think I am not. I've never been one to play with my ass while masturbating, so this will be interesting.

It is bright pink and silicone. Those stainless steel ones look awesome, like they might even provide a bit of cooling relief--ha! But I must start small, right?

Update: So I just spoke with Teacher a moment ago and told him of the package. Well two seconds into the conversation when I told him I was clueless, I started blushing and giggiling like I just met him. I have not blushed in God knows how long, much less been embarrassed as such. What cracked us both up was that I, ME, the her filthiness blushed. He said "we'd work on it," regarding my usage.

Empowerment Through Pain

Zoned out and finishing up my last post last night when I heard the front door being opened.

Teacher.

I was still in my writing head space and nowhere near being in sub mode, in fact quiet the opposite. Having not realized how much time had passed, I did not even had a chance to get myself into position. While Teacher said he didn't mind, I missed an opportunity to start to relax.

As I watch him unpack his case and lay lengths of rope down on my bed it became evident that I was very keyed up and not ready to play. Teacher must have realized this as he sat down and patted the space next to him for me to sit. He lit us both a cigarette. We discussed my BDSM wishlist, he told me things that surprised him --knife play to the point of drawing blood, to things that are possible in the near future -group sex.

Teacher had me stand up and put my arms behind my back, and he started to bind my arms. "Ummm..No."
"Huh?"
"X, I know you want to wear the opera gloves, but your proportions are not going to allow this to happen. Those are for people who can put their arms behind their backs and touch their elbows."

I pouted.

"We'll do this with your arms up." I held my wrists out and he coiled the ropes in a way I had not seen him do before. The rope went around my wrists, around my thighs, and around my ankles, with a long strand that separated my labia around to my ass. "Are you doing Shibari Teacher?" As I felt like I was starting to look like I was being bound in a macramé plant holder. He laughed, and went on to explain that if he did what it would look like. From his explanation I am under the impression that it does not seem like something he'd be into, he's more into the practical than artistic.

Still, I felt beautiful in the ropes. Teacher had me get on my knees with my hands outstretched with my ass handy for him to destroy.


Life has been rough and I had been clamoring to escape myself to such an extent that I must have dove right in. From the moment I felt the first sting of his hand against my flesh I was an entirely different being.

Teacher rotated through a battery (no pun intended) of his pain tools, from this gorgeous blue suede flogger to the crop to the fucking viper tongue interspersed with bouts of drumming on my ass like John Bonham circa Physical Graffiti.

The suede flogger fell with such a thud that there were several times that I almost though he was using his fists, but as the strands fell across my back a quick wash of relief filled my soul. Just as I started to enjoy the thwacks of blue suede Teacher employed the stingy evilness that is the viper tongue.

I was not gagged so I moaned and cursed, "Goddammit" was the word of the evening. Neither was I blindfolded, but my eyes were clamped shut. My sense of smell for some reason was in overdrive. The ropes on my wrists smelled like a hardware store with a top note of fresh paint. Like a huffer with an aerosol can and a paper bag, I inhaled the rope scent. Bondage after all is my drug.

Teacher was truly whipping, flogging, beating me like he has never done before. Using my safe word occurred to me, but apparently it manifested in me squirming away from his strike.

"Keep your ass still X!" Teacher commanded. I did as told for what it seemed like forever, and I focused my damnedest on not moving. I don't know if Teacher stopped, or I flatted down on the bed first but I just lost it, completely hysterically crying:

"I can't do anything right," I wailed.
"That is not true X," Teacher said pulling me into his arms.
"No, I can't do anything right Teacher" Oh man I was hyperventilating. When I have a bout of hysterics I don't fuck around.
"What are you talking about?"
"I..moved my ass and you told me not to move my ass."
"X, I told you to lay down" Apparently he had told me I could move my ass, but those cries of self-loathing were in all actuality in reference to my anger at my current situation. We both knew that. Teacher knew I needed the catharsis and he took me there, and then like a good Dom he both soothed me and then took advantage of my vulnerability.

Teacher, as I have often teased him, is prone to dacryphilia . My tears brought forth a hard cock as he worked on soothing me.

As my tears dried he worked on pumping both nipples with the syringe pump and the attached the chain tweezer clamps to either one. With a set of alligator clamps he attached one to one of my pussy lips and held on to the other side of the clamp, pulling on them as he worked at sucking on my extremely erect and sensitive nipples.

The more Teacher licked and chewed, the wetter I became. He released the clamps and started kneading my entire pussy. Once again I learned a new thing about my body, as he squeezed at my cunt like it was a ball of dough, I felt my orgasm arise from not clit central or even within my vagina, but from the outside, specifically the center of my mound. Holy crap even as I write this I am feeling my cunt twitch, as it was such a deliciously intense feeling and one of those orgasms that is not just a quick pulse, but a full-on explosion that renders your entire being utterly in ecstasy.

I was still coming as Teacher stood over me and shoved his thick cock in my mouth, greeting my tongue with a taste of pre-cum. As I was laying on my back he chose to fuck my mouth versus me sucking on his dick. Having your face fucked is so fabulously filthy isn't it? He slammed his meat in and out of my mouth, taking stabs at insides of cheek and back of my throat, while his balls slapped against my head.

Just when I though he was going to unload he flipped me over, dragged me towards him and stuck his cock into my puddle of wetness. Teacher felt harder than normal, or perhaps I felt tighter than normal, but all I know is I loved the fullness of him as he lay into me.

He must have felt my cunt starting to contract..

"Come on my cock you slut" he growled, pulling on head back, still fucking away.
"Come on my cock!" he commanded and then paused to feel my cunt muscles twitch. The dirty talk and the idea of my muscles grabbing onto his dick made me orgasm as told.
"That is a good girl," he said grinding into me, scratching at the rawness of where he had beat on me. I was on the cusp of coming again when he took that final plunge, all the while holding my wrists down to the bed.

I love to feel my baby come, I truly do.

When all was said and done, I looked down at the wreckage on my floor and saw the paddle. "You didn't use that did you?"
"No"
"I didn't think so, thank G-d." As much as I like being spanked and whipped, I'm also starting to honestly hate some of these implement. "You know Teahcer, that flogger, it made me feel like I was walking through a car wash with all those flaps and brushes smacking me."

..........

Today I was able to tackle my visit with EVIL without crying. While I dealt with Satan & Co., I felt the heat on my ass from my beating and I felt a whole lot stronger than I would have ever imagined.

Sit Tight

I am so ridiculous sometimes I have to laugh at myself. For instance at after dinner tonight, Teacher went over some important documents of mine making notes. I sipped my coffee and watched him.

"Teacher, I've never seen your handwriting before." Which being that we only correspond via email is sadly not that unusual these days. I am no writing analyst, but like to look at others as I think you can tell a lot about a person.

He just peered over his glasses at me and kept writing. I'm a wiggle worm. As he worked, I tried to read what he was writing upside down, surfed around on the phone and then I decided he just looked so fucking manly and sexy there in his business garb, writing away to ensure me, his sub, would be prepared for an important meeting. So I took a picture of him with my phone. He gave me another look and kept writing. As he scribbled away I just got more and more aroused from his utterly manliness to the fact that he was taking care of me. I thought about what a gentleman he is from opening my car door to ordering for me. These might seem old fashioned, but not only do they make me feel more sub-ly, but also more feminine and respected.

He is coming back over within the hour for some slap and tickle, so I'm writing this butt (is it buck?) naked in my boots. The purpose of his visit tonight is to prepare me for a rough situation I am to face this week in both providing catharsis and directives. This situation was so awful the other day I honestly had thoughts of suicide and then I felt even worse that I had those thoughts.

I was hysterical that I had gotten to that level of self-hatred and fear, it was late at night and I was alone and terrified. I knew Teacher was out with his friends so I didn't want to ruin his evening, but after an hour I broke down and left him a message. He quickly called back as he was done with his evening anyway, and came over to soothe me.

"Teacher I am so fucking sorry you have to see me like this and I feel so crummy that you had to come over so late" I cried into his shoulder. "X, that is what I am for."

So tonight my dear Dom is going to give me both relief and then help me find the strength that resides in me to handle the monsters that will be beckoning. I promise a good raunchy tale tomorrow.

My BDSM Wishlist

One thing that I think makes BDSM so appealing is the endless possibilities for play between partners. You always see advice columns suggesting vanilla couples "spice things up" and even do some light bondage with furry handcuffs of course. But from what I can tell so far, those of us who are of the kinky contingent are rarely boring. I get bored VERY easily and I think that is one of numerous reasons I love this lifestyle.

There are so many things within the realm of BDSM that I, as a sub, have yet to experience. I know that I am to be patient, though it is my tendency to be otherwise.

Still here is a list of stuff I hope to experience in the future, I don't know if I've shared all these with Teacher or not:

• Suspension - now here I honestly don't know what I'd be getting myself into. I have a terrible fear of heights and falling. Still, the idea intrigues me. Every account I have read makes it seem quite mind blowing.
• Complete sensory deprivation. No Limit Slave had a great post this week about her experience. Once again I think It would challenge some of my deepest fears and I am at the point where I can trust Teacher to take me through this.
• Hot wax play
• Public play - dungeons, doing tasks in public for Teacher, being made to wear certain things
  
• Group sex, though I must admit most of my fantasies around this are more of the lesbian ilk. But, under Teacher's watchful eye I could handle another dude providing he wasn't gross.
• Latex/PVC -I just like how it looks and think I'd like to at least wear some one night
• Fisting - Teacher I don't think is keen on this as I am, he has mighty big hands. Maybe I am wrong.
• More verbal humiliations. Which if you guys even had an inkling of my bullshit that I am going through right now would seem utterly absurd.
• Different forms of bondage -I love those behind the arm Opera gloves. I think I'd like to be tied up and left alone for awhile.
  
• Needle and more knife play, perhaps to the point of cutting.
  
• Some more extreme play in general, water, electric who knows.
  
• I wish to relinquish more of my control over to Teacher. I am at a point where I must escape myself more than ever before.
  

What items are on your BDSM wish list?

photo from waterbondage

Waiting For The Moon

Utterly tired is how I am, but I want to stay awake to see tonight's lunar eclipse. I like that you don't have to make special glasses to see it, nor have your eyeballs burned out. So while I wait I thought I'd point you guys to some new sites I've linked to on my site for your masturbatory pleasures:

Ass and Pussy - Yep, there is no doubt what you will find here. I wonder if there is a "Cock and Balls?"

His Kitten - another submissive female blog

Puppygrrl - we're all a bunch of animals, aren't we?

Slave Lydia's Blog with my new favorite blog name Blog and Chains

Pudcat BDSM which is a blog feed aggregator? alligator? aggrevator?

You will see a little box on the right with six pictures that will link you other blogs.

Well that sucked up about 10 minutes, I guess I'll go look at some of these dirty pictures and stuff....

Pillow Talk

Teacher and I had a pretty sickly sweet evening of fawning and pawing at each other. It had been a few days since we had seen each other and well, I guess we honestly missed one another.

So we're all snuggling, nibbling, and staring into one another's eyes when he just yanked my top down to reveal my breasts. Well actually the rest of my breasts as I was wearing a pretty low-cut shirt and a push up bra.

With his mouth he latched on to my right nipple and went to town. Sucking, biting and tweaking it and I felt little sparks flying in my panties and had stars in my eyes. I've never come from straight up nipple play, but this was getting me pretty fucking close.

I guess he either got bored or heard me breathing hard because he unzipped my pants and shoved his hands down my panties, straight to my now sensitive little pleasure nub. You know I always write about how cool Teacher is, and well I know no one is perfect, but if there is one thing that I think makes him a wonderful lover is that he not only tries to figure out what turns me on by exploration or taking my cues, but that he remembers.

So that he remembered where my most sensitive part of my clitoris was, well I was more than happy. As he maneuvered his thumb and forefinger around my clit, rolling it back and forth like a marble, I found myself gnawing on his shoulder (He's called me a vampire before.) Why is it that the moment before you come is like the most amazing and difficult time all jumbled together? But that fucking realize, holy shit. It wasn't long before I came an eyes rolling in the back of your head orgasm. It wasn't long either before Teacher commanded "Get down on your knees over here." No arguments there.

He slid his very firm cock right in to my still spasming pussy. He's fucking away and I'm digging it, but figuring we're just having straight up vanilla sex I figured it was okay to ask for what I wanted.
"Teacher can you pull my hair?" He grabbed a handful of my locks and pushed my head down onto the bed and continued slamming me from behind. I longed to rub my clit as he did this but I couldn't fucking reach the way he had me. I don't' know if it s the mild pain or the caveman like act of hair pulling, but it always gets me hot.

Still pumping away, Teacher smashed my head into the bed even further, "You like this you filthy slut, don't you"
"Mwmwwhah" like I could speak.
"This is why you're my little cockwhore" Oh God I love dirty talk. It makes me feel, well, dirty! I had my legs up in suck a way that he held on to either foot and continued to fuck me, his nicely curved cock hitting me right in my G spot and I came once again. I think I found my new favorite position.

I felt his finishing up thrusts. As much as I love having my hair pulled and dirty talk, I love that moment right before a man comes, it is sex at is most erotic. As he shot his load, I smiled and savored the moment of his finally pumps spilling himself inside me.

This was the perfect sex for me, and perhaps because it is a sub girly thing. We had that initial connection, all mushy and stuff and then he used me like the dirty cumslut that I am.

My Hero

Months ago I wrote about the influence of the damsel in distress archetype via cartoons on my sexual psyche. As a submissive, the idea of being rescued and protected is fully ingrained into my skull and my panties.

This past weekend I found myself out with some girlfriends having a nice evening of chit-chatting over some cocktails when the night took a turn for the worse.. This crazy jerk I am sadly acquainted with got entirely too close to yours truly. "I want to lick your asshole" he said, spitting all over my face. Instinctively I pulled back. "What," he said, "Do I have bad breath?" Yes, he did. "You're spitting on me, get the hell out of my face." I shot him the evil eye and he whimpered off. My girlfriends were busy with their own drama. I just was ruffled I shot Teacher a text about the asshole. He immediately wanted to know where the hell I was and if he needed to "take care" of that moron. I told him that I thought things would be OK. I did, actually as I know the bartenders there and I was pretty certain they'd rough up that dude if need be.

In the interim, my drunken girlfriends put me in a situation where I was without a ride. I thought I'd hang out and get a cab later. Oh, but drunk jerk wasn't finished with me. He got up really close again and said some other shit. "Get the fuck out of my face, I suggest you leave my ass alone or you'll regret it." AT that point, I had enough. I went outside to talk to Teacher. "I'm going to take a taxi home."
"You are not!"
"It is only a short ride! I'll have him stop at the ATM so I can get some cash."
"You are not fucking doing that X! I'm picking you up!" Mind you Teacher was about 20 miles away across town.
"I'll wait outside"
"No, go inside."
I did as told and went back into the bar, but I could not go back to my earlier relaxed state. I honestly was scared Teacher would come in and kill the dude. I've never seen him in action, but I know that he could do some damage. He's a big man. A big man with a mighty presence. If he had walked into the bar, it would be like a scene out of a Quentin Tarantino movie.

While I waited, I saw the moron skulk off. He was a lucky dude. Teacher called me that he was nearby. As I saw his sleek ride pull around the corner, I was so stinking happy. I hopped in and without going into detail, Teacher had some weaponry at ready in case the fucker was still around. Nothing illegal mind you, but pretty vicious. Had the guy been around he'd be hating life right now and a lot of people I know would be glad about it.

Immediately I slid over and planted a big kiss on Teacher and thanked him. I could tell he was a tad disappointed he didn't get to rough up the dude, but just knowing that he could have done of such for little ol' me made me swoon. Had this been a cartoon I would have said, "My hero" and fanned myself.

We got back to my apartment. It was pretty late and under the circumstances there was not going to be any official BDSM action going on, but I submitted and thanked my Dom by offering him my pussy. He accepted my thanks and impaled me on his hard cock. As he fucked me, I felt yet another level of connection with Teacher. I don't honestly like being in bad situations, but it was nice to know that if forbid I am in another predicament, I have a man who has my back when he doesn't have me on my back.

Messages of Love

With the most commercial holiday besides Christmas coming up tomorrow, I'd like to say a few things.

1. Only a year ago I was alone on Valentine's Day, and it was not the first. In fact I recall being very irritated about the whole shebang and contemplated knocking down a display of Valentine's Day merch until the thought that I could be on, God Forbid, YOU TUBE as some crazed woman freaking out in a card store. Everyone can say "Oh it is just a fucking Hallmark Holiday" and you know what, that never makes it any more pleasurable. So all that said, for those of you who might be bemoaning being single, alone, etc on Valentine's Day, please know I honestly and truly know how bad it sucks. I won't even gloss over it's suckage. My only advice is stay far away from places where people will do things that will make you want to puke, like hold hands, or swoon over each other over candlelight. Since it is a weekday prepare yourself for people getting flowers in the office . To soothe your soul, just think how much it better it is to be single than to be attached to the annoying jackass with the kittycat screensaver.

That all said

2. I don't know, what, if anything Teacher has planned. I actually have evening obligations that will prevent us from seeing each other for any stereotypical VD evening. Somehow as much as I love being doted on, I'm not for once in my life having delusions of various romantic options. In the past when I was dating someone I'd imagine piles of flowers and rain showers of diamonds and only be disappointed. Luckily my jaded soul has finally wised up that life is just not a Mariah Carey video. But, just yesterday Teacher kindly picked up for me on the way over a soda I had requested, and not only got that, but an extra one and some cigarettes. Oh that might not sound romantic, but trust me it was very thoughtful and appreciated by yours truly.

3. Read this hilarious article by Pretty Dumb Things about "Nine Relationships Worse Than Yours"

4. Time for me to shower some love on my fellow submissive bloggers, you've given me support, inspiration, and yes, readers.

5. Readers, I love you as well. Blogging might seem like a self-centered activity, and it is on some level, but I honesty do keep in mind my readers when I post something. I want you all to enjoy my tales and diatribes. For each visit and click, a big smooch. If you click on an ad, I'll give you some pussy. I keed, I keed.

6. Other things/people I love right now:

• Barack Obama
• the new Gnarls Barkley song

Hell, I'm blanking out here. Alright folks, it's a wrap

VD

Two days early, but this picture I got as a comment I had to share so you guys can share with your amour.

Mindfuckery

Backwards. That is how I tend to learn. Or maybe it isn't backwards as much as grasping for the chunks of debris that are sprayed out of a tornado.

See, I am only now realizing that bondage does not have to involve ropes and restraints, but my head.

I have a terrible phobia of people dying on me. It is not a normal fear of people passign away, but something that I obsess over. Let's leave it as major abandonment issues.

So when I didn't hear from Teacher as I normally have for the last six months, my mind started to race. I couldn't contact him and I hadn't heard from him. I went on about my day, but he was always on my mind. I had a social enagement and proceeded to get loaded which only made things worse for this worry wort. All ended up being ok with Teacher, but I ended up feeling like a total jackass and babbled on to him drunk on the phone early in the morning. I was utterly ashamed that he had to hear me in that state. A lot of lessons were learned that evening that had nothing to do with my submission to Teacher, but his dissaproval of my idocacy ate me up inside until I saw him last night.


He already pointed out that I had realized on my own that I can't go back in time and live like I once did, but still I was expecting a major punishment even though I honestly didn't do anything inappropriate.

When he came over he had me join him under the blankets and held me. "You are where you need to be right now. With me." I confessed my stupid fear and how I would be devasted to lose him. I tried to supress crying. "You want me to cry don't you sicko," I teased him, "I hate that I am always crying around you."
"Your tears don't scare me X, they let me know that you are being honest about your feelings." Oh boy, there I went again to Kleenexville. When I still had streams of hot tears running down my face, he leaned in an kissed me oh so passionately. We paused and I presented my throat to him for a nibble, instead I got his hand around my throat. Perhaps that is what I really wanted
I gulped at the air.
I did want that.
"Feel yourself surrender X."
I did.
He let go of his grasp and kissed me again.

Then he fucked the hell out of me, but nary a tap, or spank, or slap. I was a bit confused when he left and I fell asleep. Still, I felt a whole lot better. For the love of God, this is the first person who has not run from my neurotic ways.

He explained it to me this morning.

.

... No, you didnt get spanked last night, no, you didnt get bound or blindfolded. Last you got what you needed more than anything: to be held tightly and treated with careful attention. You need to feel yourself close to me and realize that you are a part of me; to know that in my arms you are safe from the world, ...

I replied with a coy "You enjoy fucking with my head, dont' you. Even just a teensy bit."

He admitted as such, as it is part of my training.

I told him that is why I adore him. Even without him telling me what he thinks I need, he is so fucking right. If anything then and even now, I yearn to feel safe, to feel reigned in, that if I run even a bit out of control there will be a tug at the leash, and in my case it is a figurative one.

Pumped Up

Even though Sunday was on the emotional side, Teacher did manage to once again find something new to stimulate his easily distracted sub.

I was laying on my back, wrists locked above my head, and I felt him attach something to my left nipple that was neither a clamp or clothespin. I lifted my head up enough to see it was a plastic syringe sans needle.

"What are you doing Teacher?"
"Shhh..lay back down." I did as told.

As he pumped the syringe, I felt my nipple being pulled upward. I had seen clit pumping and pussy vacuuming pictures on line, and that had always looked kind of fucked up but hot, so I was elated he had found, by accident, a curious fantasy of mine.

Also, I know that large nipples and nipple enlargement are something that arouses him. He's relayed numerous stories of Dom acquaintances who have this, that and the other to make their sub's nipples larger. I don't mind hearing these stories, because most of them are not that scary, but he knew some crazy sadistic Dom who--ladies don't get sick-had his sub's labia removed and now she just has, well a hole. I made the stupid mistake of looking up a picture of such and almost hurled. Pierce me, shave me, plug me, stretch me, lock my cunt up, but please leave the equipment I was born with alone. Even I who once considered labioplasty to make mine model perfect, find this beyond horrific. But I guess to each D/s, their own.

Oh, nipples, so I have pretty big areolae, but the actual pointy part is not that long. Nor am I prone to visible nipple exposure, which is a non-issue when you have huge tits like mine because people are always talking to them anyway!

Even though the vacuum effect of the syringe on my nipple was manual, it was incredibly intense and erotic. When he had finished pumping the left nipple I caught a peek and it had grown in length at least 3 times it's normal size. Teacher moved on to the right nipple and repeated the act.

When he removed the syringes, not unlike removing clamps, my nipples were extremely sensitive, even though they shrunk down to closer to their normal appearance. The mere flick of his tongue had me moaning.

After a long time of devotion to my girls, he brought the syringe down to where I actually wanted it, my clit. I'll have to find the video and post it here, but I saw a clip of a guy pumping his woman's clitoris and then fucking her with a dildo. You couldn't see either one of their faces, but it was so arousing, I watched it times over. I tried in vain various implements to recreate the effect on my own, but it never reached the level of the woman in the video and I gave up.

Whether we like to think of it or not, the clit is pretty much a minuscule cock, but we have the benefit of having more nerve endings. I could see how a dude might be weirded out by a big clit or even enlarging one temporarily, but lucky for me Teacher is open-minded in vaginal transformation.

We had fucked around before he had put the syringe on my clit, so I was already half-way to an orgasm. The feeling of having my clit pumped was a whole other level of intensity, one that bordered on painful. Still, knowing he was altering my body for pleasure and knowing that my clit was engorged beyond it's regular capacity turned me on to a point where I think my brain was having a hard time registering the sensation, if that is possible. When Teacher removed the pump, my clit was throbbing to the point where I wanted him to touch it, but not touch it. Oh man, I rarely get hot writing my own blog because I'm so focused on the words, but I am very much now. I really wanted him to do it again and again and again, but the fucking clock!

Here's a good article about vacuuming, pumping etc. Go figure, it is even used medically.

Here's the video, some of you may love it, other's not, but I think it is hot. That is the kind of vacuum I hope Teacher (hint, hint baby) gets.

Wipe Away Those Tears

Turmoil. My life has been in utter turmoil. I've had several things occur that rattled me to my core. I am on both on the edge of failure and the cusp of a fresh beginning. I had someone be unnecessarily cruel to me, lost something that meant a lot to me, and realized that it is utterly useless to attempt to fit my eccentric circle into the boring world of squares. I've tried in vain, but it only causes me pain, heartbreak, fucks with my self-esteem, and exasperates problems I already have.

I spent a good part of last weekend in hysterics, terrified, lost and mad at myself. Teacher, bless the man, proved once again to be good Dom. Someone who I honestly respect, who I can go to for advice, and yes, seek comfort. "Comfort from a Dom?" and outsider might question, but yes, it is possible.

"I am glad you called me first," he said as I wailed on the phone about the trauma. I once had a so-called boyfriend who ran the minute I needed him. So when Teacher didn't blow me off, or attempt to temper my tears by telling me "It'll be OK." I knew I was in good hands. That was on Friday.

Saturday morning, my soul only hurt worse, I woke up even more upset than I was the night before. Somehow through my hysterics and snot bubbles I was able to absorb much of his advice. I yearned for vengeance, he instructed me to let the powers of the universe do their job. That was not easy for me to grasp. It still isn't. Though, I know if it was a male who had hurt me so, he would have taken the vengeance into his own hands. I don't call him "Tough Guy" on a regular basis for nothing.

Somehow I muddled through my weekend obligations and found myself Sunday night in position waiting for him to unlock my door. It was a struggle to clear my brain. I rocked back and forth trying to relax. When I was almost at that point Teacher arrived.

I could see his cowboy boots even with my eyes turned downward. I felt 1000 times more vulnerable than ever. I was inside out. Raw. I heard him unzip his suitcase. Normally he escorts me to my room, so for him to get things going in the foyer threw me for a loop.

"Put your arms out and your forehead on the floor X," he commanded. I obeyed. He attached my wrist cuffs and clipped them together. A few moments passed and I felt soft strands glide up and down my body. I had no idea what he was using and he hadn't mentioned shopping. It felt so nice against my tense body. The softness beget gentle strikes that spread over my entire back. Oh how good it felt, as my back is where I carry my stress.

Immediately I started sobbing. It was not sobbing because of the pain, but from the release. Soon, he lifted me up. I felt into his chest and he hugged me but I could not hug back due to my wrists being restrained. "What was that?" He showed me this gorgeous handmade leather flogger he purchases from a local artisan. A wooden handle with long strands of both red suede and regular leather intermixed.

I try not to top from the bottom, but I requested that he flog my back some more. It felt so amazing and was exactly the therapy I had needed all weekend. He kindly did as such. As each strike of the leather hit my back and shoulders I was able to let go some of the toxic psychic waste that had built up over the last couple of days. Crying the entire time. I also fantasized about going to a Russian bath being scrubbed and beaten with birches.

When he stopped again, he held me tight. "I'm so proud of you X"
"What?"
"I am proud of you."
"What for?" How could he proud of ME his fucked up sub who was on the road to ruin. I was utterly confused. "How could you Teacher. I am so weak."
"whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrow of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of adversity, and by opposing it thus prevail.":
"What is that from?" I, being a victim of Cliff's Notes.
"Hamlet."
"OK." I honestly was unable to absorb the meaning at the time and inquired today as to why he was proud of me. I don't think he'll mind me sharing. (If so, we'll know if I take this down)

"I am proud of you for being able to kneel before me with sincere devotion when everything else in you wants to withdraw and breakdown. I am proud of you for having the faith in me to show you weaknesses, knowing that they will not cause me to think less of you. I am proud of you for acknowledging that your submission transcends your emotion and gives you strength to endure life outside of that. Yes, I am proud of you"

Things might be sucking for me, but this makes me realize at least on one level I am a lucky girl.

Better Late Than Never-Sugasm #117

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #118? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

A Fable

“They start touching her, gingerly at first, wondering what magic is in her.”

Fiction: The Island Princess and the Monkeys Who Tie Knots

“You naughty, naughty, NAUGHTY monkeys!”

Sexy Is In Your Mind

“Sexy is an attitude and really all in your mind.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Chickipedia

Editor’s Choice

Take a walk on the wild side.

More Sugasm


Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

BDSM & Fetish

Anniversary Bondage

Art Show Maintenance Spanking part 1

The Joy of Assymetry

Let me talk to you about Ms Danger

A Masochist Afraid of a Leg Wax?

Princess in Chains

SoRORIty


Take a walk on the wild side.

Try to be a good boy or you’ll be punished

Smother

One of the commenters on my last post mentioned she always hoped her Dom would cover her mouth when he was irritated by her words. That made me think of how a few weeks ago, I tried t move Teacher's hand towards my mouth so he could smother me, I guess he didn't catch on and I forgot to bring it up. We already know I dig the choking, but I think his big paw over my face, muffling my breath would be fabulous.

I am in dire need of a flogging, spanking, whatever right now. I have so much pain inside that must be released. Must.

Hell in a Handbasket

Whew! You guys don't even know how happy I am to be logged on to here. I had computer problems this week, among others, and it is so nice to be back. This blog means more to me than I realized.

Teacher, God Bless him, has been very sweet and supportive of me today. I HATE haivng to call him up crying. I just have not been myself, and I have been extremely terrified that I'm on the cusp of yet another crippling depressive episode.

Some things haven't totally sucked. We had some good times with the clamps & I'll write them up when I'm functioing. The best time I actually had with him this week was laying on his tummy watching "the Daily Show" and "the Colbert Report." He's very conservative and I'm pretty liberal, so 2008 will be chock full of interesting converstations between the two of us. I'll let him Dom me to his heart's desire, but he can't go with me into the voting booth! I can't lie though, he has rubbed off a teeny tiny bit on me and that freaks me out a tad. I listen to NPR, he watches Fox and listens to the AM assholes. If anything though, he's a good resource as I am teeming with questions about how this and that runs. I know watching TV isn't sexy per se, but getting riled up and fucking is!

Lastly, I finally got all my camera gear and I should have some good pictures to post in the near future.

It's That Time Again, Sugasm #116

(Dana De Armond picture from Training of O)

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #117? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

In Case Of Fire

“His hand slid around the back of my neck and pulled me close - easily, no effort at all, letting me feel the power of his arms and the warm puff of his breath against my ear.”

It was a long night…

“I gasped as he slowly pushed in one finger, slippery with oil, and began to wiggle it and spread me open.”

Sex Worker Confessions: Gracie Passette

“But underneath it all, sex workers are all about bridging, in body & soul, word & deed, the irreconcilable differences between realities and desires.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

The Persian Kitty Alternative

Editor’s Choice

Baker’s Birthday

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

NSFW Pics & Videos

Guy fucks an English babe’s bum in free gangbang clip

Half-Nekkid on Wacky Hair Day

Joanne Arnold, Extra Nipples & A Request

Justine Jolie

Lucy C topless (Met Art)

Naughty Toons

Our movie debut

Pornsaint Mandy Morbid

Sex Toy or Dog Toy…Or Both?

Thistle

WebMistress Feature Gallery: The Shaving Celebration

Sex Work

Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel

Sex & Politics

Choice Only Begins With Abortion

A Taste of History and Ethics

BDSM & Fetish

Catalina loves Old Friends

Intensity

Learning my place

Morning Wake Up

Punishment

The Secret Room

Sex Party of Five

Sight

Submission

The TAO of Slavery

Tinkle Tinkle

Viper

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Bisexuals Are No Longer Confused

Gwen Diamond Cuckolds Her Husband And Forces Him To Eat Cum

Interview with Rachel Shukert on Jewish girls and blowjobs

The ultimate titty finder

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Cum-shots, spanking, and the role of blogging in feminist porn

Fear and Loathing of Phone Sex

Just Ask For It

What is sex?

Sex Advice

The Two Best Sex Positions for Delaying Ejaculation

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Choices.

A Clandestine Liaison

Cock

The fluent cunnilinguist

For You….

Guesterotica

Haute Couture - Part 1

Mood

Recovery - Part III

Seven minutes

Table Seventeen

Teaching a blowjob lesson

That Girl

Tick Tock

Tick Tock, I'm sitting here waiting for Teacher's cock! He's running late, so here I sit.

I did all my usual pre-visit nesting and grooming well pre play visit nesting and grooming. Poor guy surprised me earlier this week and had to see me at my most unsexy, looking like a total ragamuffin. He was good humoured about it, but I was utterly mortified.

Tonight in anticipation of his arrival I took it upon myself to lay out on a big floor cushion all the tools of our trade--the new clamps, lube, dildo, flogger, crop, cane, etc. He'll have his case of stuff, but I figured he'll appreciate that I have prepared everything ahead of time. It never fails I'm scrambling to find something for him or I'm wishing he'd used something on me, but I had it squirreled away. Out of site out of mind. He's very tolerant of my ADHD, more than most, but if I can do even just one thing to have it not interfere with our evening, I will. If any of you Doms or Dommes reading this are topping a ADHD sub, God Bless you. I know we must be more of a challenge than your regular run of the mill "normal" (cough-cough) sub. I would imagine it is like trying to wrangle a wild animal.

It also dawned on me that I made it the entire week without masturbating. It wasn't on purpose, it just was. I think though, that will be a positive thing later on when we get down to business.

Must go get in position.

Damage

For years I've always sworn I would not let the wrongs of others interfere with current relationsips. After all, it isn't the fault of the current sig o that someone else treated you like dogshit.

Easier said than done.

I've been abandoned without communication, stood-up, cheated on, used. Oh, the list of wrongs done to me can go on forever like a stereotypical country song. Shit like this gets ingrained in your soul. I work dillegently to keep up my self esteem, and it is not easy at times. I receive positive feedback from many in my life, and very nice compliments at that. Still, sometimes the now is overshadowed by the past.

Those shitty bastards that hurt little ol' me run the gamut from ex boyfriends, family, and even old bosses. I often come across as a tough chick, but the shell this chick came out of is very fragile.

Why am I writing this? Once again I sit here having totally irrational feelings ie. being insecure. Oh how unttractie is that? I don't like Teacher to see this part of me, and it is easier just to write it out than to get pissy for absolutely nothing. The last thing in the world I want to do is to sabatoge something that is GOOD by being a big baby. I see other women do it all the time, and I do not wish to be other women. It is my hope that my realization of why I have this weakness and it is hold on me that I can ultimately eridicate it's influence on my life.

If only I could lose this luggage in my daily travels, then perhaps I'd be free.

picture by mark ryden

My First HNT, Clothespin Included!

I've finally remembered to post a pic for HNT. I figured since this is a BDSM blog, a clothespin would be an appropriate accessory for my breasts (I could only get one to fit in the frame, woe is me!) The scratch and freckles were already there.

PS. Thanks to Kinky Aoefe for jogging my memory, or make that mammary. Aoefe's is ultra sexy!
Enjoy

Poof!

Not too much on the sub front as I'm still a tad sickly. Teacher came over and kept me warm for a bit last night, he's better than any blanket. Still, he found a way to make me suffer though giving yours truly the dutch oven! P.U!

I'm anxiously awaiting my next toy to review from edensfantasy. If you write, you should totally sign up to be a reviewer. Without going into full detail, if you're selected to participate, you pick out a toy to review and they'll send it to you and so on. Not only do you get to keep your writing chops up, but you can test out some cool toys. There is no charge for shipping, or anything. Seriously. Once you've set up your account, click on the "contributor" tab and submit your writing sample.

Hmmm, I found a new sub blog that is a worthwhile read, Puppygirl's Kennel.

Guess that is it. Think I'll go watch some porn.

Bound, Gagged, Smacked, Fucked

Dueling cases of colds did not hold me and Teacher back from meeting up last night. Amongst boxes of Kleenex and bottles of Nyquil, we made room for some action. As I write I feel like utter ass, but I'll tough it out long enough to share the goods.



Things changed up a bit from my previous post, as we ended up running some errands and well, that involved me dressing up to go out in the cold, but when we got back, he had me undress, put on my corset lace boots and stand up on my knees. Candles were lit and we were quickly back in the mood.



He attached cuffs to both my wrists and ankles, and then connected those so I was linked together but still facing straight ahead. Taking two neckties he had left at my apartment, he applied on to my eyes as a blindfold,and one as a gag. As I did mention, I put on some of my music, and he was cool with it, as he said it was for my pleasure. (I am sorry I can not divulge the band name, as they're pretty obscure and I've been ranting about them to my friends, but let's just say it's some doom metal). Go figure though, I don't really recall hearing the music other than the noises in my own head.



Teacher started out by lightly flogging my tits. He really hasn't flogged my tits much, so this was a new sensation. I must have liked it because I recall sticking my chest out for more. Blindfolded, I honestly fell into subspace pretty damn quickly. I felt myself go a bit limp, that was until he started flogging my back and ass with the Viper Tongue. That damn thing feels like 101 bees stinging all at once and all I know is I started moaning to the point I almost felt I was going to speak in tongues. I had never heard this sound come out of me before, I wasn't crying or yelling, but one long extended groan. How long he flogged, who the hell knows, I know my ass was almost numb when he roused me from my state by scratching down either cheek, at that point I kind of wanted to stay where I was in my head, but he wasn't having any of that, he unbuckled my wrists as they were apparently changing colors, and had me place my hands on the bed with my ass facing him.

I heard the click of the lube bottle open, and then a cold slick of the lube was applied to my asshole. It had been awhile since we've had anal sex, but I was prepared as I would ever be. He took his time working his cock into my anus, and then fucked me oh so hard. Teacher, was talking dirty to me, I wish I can recall what he was saying, because he's normally not a big talker while fucking me. That said, I knew he was enjoying himself immensely. Something happened with me though, I think I got so detached while being flogged, that I just couldn't, or possibly didn't want to get off. No particular reason, I think I knew I just didn't have it in me. Being sick and then going into subspace was a lot on my body. I didn't dislike it, I think this session was just not sexual for me, and Teacher told me later on that that is OK. Meanwhile Teacher got out the flogger and started whacking my back. That, I did enjoy, it is almost like a massage for me as I hold all my tension in my neck, back and shoulders.

When Teacher came in my ass, I curled up next to him, still bound at the ankles, gagged and blindfolded. He took off my blindfold and I just started sobbing. "I don't know why I'm crying!" I muttered.

"You don't have to have a reason X" and he held me for a long time. "I can't imagine anyone doing what we just did and just leaving the sub," I said to him.

"That would be rotten, this is aftercare and it is very important, plus I like lying with my little X (insert his pet name for me)" I then told him how I read about aftercare prior to us meeting and how I was terrified that I'd meet someone who would just leave me high and dry, like many men, albeit Vanilla men, had done before.

Sometimes I think all my posts might seem the same, but I know they are not. Each time we do what we do, it gets to be more intense, more of a mind fuck.

It wasn't the smartest thing in the world to play while we were both all sniffley, but I am glad we did.

painting by trevor brown

Sub With Her Head Cut Off

For the last hour I've been scrambling around trying to prepare according to Teacher's instructions. None of them were out of the ordinary, but one of his requests was for me to "have the bed clear." Sounds simple, except I'm a huge slob. So I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off straightening up. Oh, but then he wants me to "wear the boots you wore the other night." Damn if one of them got sucked into the abyss. I panicked, but luckily thanks to my personal guardian angel who helps me find everything I lose, it showed up.

The biggest challenge is going to be this. "Put on some music that puts you in the mood." Well my darlings what puts me in the mood are songs that most people would not deem romantic. I like my music like I like my spanking, heavy and often pretty dark. Teacher on the other hand is no fan of the rock, which makes it even more amazing that I adore him. I really don't even own anything mellow, except some Roxy Music, but I played that before and it doesn't get me into the mood.

I've been sick, and well this is going to sound ridiculous and under normally circumstances TMI, but I thought I'd share this, I am not taking my cold meds until after he leaves because most over the counter cold remedies will dry everything out, your nose and your twat. Seriously.

On a positive note, I am to be sans clothing which is one less stressor.