So Sad About Us

When I think of blog titles, I'm often thinking of songs I like and then I realize later on that probably like only me and three readers get the jist of the blog title. This blog title is from a Breeders song.

Due to some serious drama, yours truly becoming highly involved with her lover Mark, and just needing to get shit done, I've had to take a break from Mark.

He's like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts fresh off they conveyor belt. They are so good, but they're so fucking bad for you. There is nothing good about them except the pleasure they give you. Mark doesn't give me a lot of pleasure, he stresses me out, so do to a lot of bullshit & my inability to properly manage a fling, I am having to step aside.

Thing is I fucking miss him already.

Teacher is on his way over here & I'm going have to dicuss all this with him. It is not news to him, but I am utterly confused. This is a total go-nowhere situation with a person who has some genuinely horrific issues, and for the love of God I am drawn to him.

I can get lots of dick, I can.
This dude, well he's certainly not anyone you'd want to settle down with. He barely has a job. Everyone but me seems annoyed by him.

Somehow I think in a year I'll cringe, but the motherfucker for the time being took a piece of my heart. He made some shitty comments about Teacher and BDSM, that really upset me, but I know he said it out of jealousy. He's a big baby. Truly.

I am, and I don't know if this is a sub thing or just a sub nouveau thing, very weak when it comes to men. I enable, I let myself get manipulated. I wear my vulnerablity and my heart on my sleeve.

I am far from a religious person, but I pray that I can manage to have some self-control. Actualy I don't, that is why I've given myself to Teacher.

Guys, I'm severely fucked in the head right now.

SN, in a post that will more than likely dissapear


Thursday's Child said...

I meant what I said on twitter. Your Teacher adores you and he'll help you get your head back on straight. You're just going through a vulnerable time and jealousy between lovers never helps things. If you ever need anything, I try to be a good listener. *huggles*

MasterABD said...

hi sub nouveau,

Are you sure you haven't found my twin? I hear similar things from some of my ex's about myself. I am oh so good yet oh so bad for them...

Its funny because I tell people all the time, when it comes to true love, you will always end up with someone that is totally opposite from what you plan out in your head. Perhaps its the things that make him bad for you that also draw you to him.

DL's toy said...

i'm late to the party but just wanted to say, in response to this, hang tight. The mental warp is a dark place. Stepping back allows perspective and time & space do wonders. Think of you. Accept no less than what you give.

Enough preaching for the day but you're being thought of at this difficult time.