Empowerment Through Pain

Zoned out and finishing up my last post last night when I heard the front door being opened.

Teacher.

I was still in my writing head space and nowhere near being in sub mode, in fact quiet the opposite. Having not realized how much time had passed, I did not even had a chance to get myself into position. While Teacher said he didn't mind, I missed an opportunity to start to relax.

As I watch him unpack his case and lay lengths of rope down on my bed it became evident that I was very keyed up and not ready to play. Teacher must have realized this as he sat down and patted the space next to him for me to sit. He lit us both a cigarette. We discussed my BDSM wishlist, he told me things that surprised him --knife play to the point of drawing blood, to things that are possible in the near future -group sex.

Teacher had me stand up and put my arms behind my back, and he started to bind my arms. "Ummm..No."
"Huh?"
"X, I know you want to wear the opera gloves, but your proportions are not going to allow this to happen. Those are for people who can put their arms behind their backs and touch their elbows."

I pouted.

"We'll do this with your arms up." I held my wrists out and he coiled the ropes in a way I had not seen him do before. The rope went around my wrists, around my thighs, and around my ankles, with a long strand that separated my labia around to my ass. "Are you doing Shibari Teacher?" As I felt like I was starting to look like I was being bound in a macramé plant holder. He laughed, and went on to explain that if he did what it would look like. From his explanation I am under the impression that it does not seem like something he'd be into, he's more into the practical than artistic.

Still, I felt beautiful in the ropes. Teacher had me get on my knees with my hands outstretched with my ass handy for him to destroy.


Life has been rough and I had been clamoring to escape myself to such an extent that I must have dove right in. From the moment I felt the first sting of his hand against my flesh I was an entirely different being.

Teacher rotated through a battery (no pun intended) of his pain tools, from this gorgeous blue suede flogger to the crop to the fucking viper tongue interspersed with bouts of drumming on my ass like John Bonham circa Physical Graffiti.

The suede flogger fell with such a thud that there were several times that I almost though he was using his fists, but as the strands fell across my back a quick wash of relief filled my soul. Just as I started to enjoy the thwacks of blue suede Teacher employed the stingy evilness that is the viper tongue.

I was not gagged so I moaned and cursed, "Goddammit" was the word of the evening. Neither was I blindfolded, but my eyes were clamped shut. My sense of smell for some reason was in overdrive. The ropes on my wrists smelled like a hardware store with a top note of fresh paint. Like a huffer with an aerosol can and a paper bag, I inhaled the rope scent. Bondage after all is my drug.

Teacher was truly whipping, flogging, beating me like he has never done before. Using my safe word occurred to me, but apparently it manifested in me squirming away from his strike.

"Keep your ass still X!" Teacher commanded. I did as told for what it seemed like forever, and I focused my damnedest on not moving. I don't know if Teacher stopped, or I flatted down on the bed first but I just lost it, completely hysterically crying:

"I can't do anything right," I wailed.
"That is not true X," Teacher said pulling me into his arms.
"No, I can't do anything right Teacher" Oh man I was hyperventilating. When I have a bout of hysterics I don't fuck around.
"What are you talking about?"
"I..moved my ass and you told me not to move my ass."
"X, I told you to lay down" Apparently he had told me I could move my ass, but those cries of self-loathing were in all actuality in reference to my anger at my current situation. We both knew that. Teacher knew I needed the catharsis and he took me there, and then like a good Dom he both soothed me and then took advantage of my vulnerability.

Teacher, as I have often teased him, is prone to dacryphilia . My tears brought forth a hard cock as he worked on soothing me.

As my tears dried he worked on pumping both nipples with the syringe pump and the attached the chain tweezer clamps to either one. With a set of alligator clamps he attached one to one of my pussy lips and held on to the other side of the clamp, pulling on them as he worked at sucking on my extremely erect and sensitive nipples.

The more Teacher licked and chewed, the wetter I became. He released the clamps and started kneading my entire pussy. Once again I learned a new thing about my body, as he squeezed at my cunt like it was a ball of dough, I felt my orgasm arise from not clit central or even within my vagina, but from the outside, specifically the center of my mound. Holy crap even as I write this I am feeling my cunt twitch, as it was such a deliciously intense feeling and one of those orgasms that is not just a quick pulse, but a full-on explosion that renders your entire being utterly in ecstasy.

I was still coming as Teacher stood over me and shoved his thick cock in my mouth, greeting my tongue with a taste of pre-cum. As I was laying on my back he chose to fuck my mouth versus me sucking on his dick. Having your face fucked is so fabulously filthy isn't it? He slammed his meat in and out of my mouth, taking stabs at insides of cheek and back of my throat, while his balls slapped against my head.

Just when I though he was going to unload he flipped me over, dragged me towards him and stuck his cock into my puddle of wetness. Teacher felt harder than normal, or perhaps I felt tighter than normal, but all I know is I loved the fullness of him as he lay into me.

He must have felt my cunt starting to contract..

"Come on my cock you slut" he growled, pulling on head back, still fucking away.
"Come on my cock!" he commanded and then paused to feel my cunt muscles twitch. The dirty talk and the idea of my muscles grabbing onto his dick made me orgasm as told.
"That is a good girl," he said grinding into me, scratching at the rawness of where he had beat on me. I was on the cusp of coming again when he took that final plunge, all the while holding my wrists down to the bed.

I love to feel my baby come, I truly do.

When all was said and done, I looked down at the wreckage on my floor and saw the paddle. "You didn't use that did you?"
"No"
"I didn't think so, thank G-d." As much as I like being spanked and whipped, I'm also starting to honestly hate some of these implement. "You know Teahcer, that flogger, it made me feel like I was walking through a car wash with all those flaps and brushes smacking me."

..........

Today I was able to tackle my visit with EVIL without crying. While I dealt with Satan & Co., I felt the heat on my ass from my beating and I felt a whole lot stronger than I would have ever imagined.

Blissed Out

"When you get home I want you to do the following," Teacher told me as we finished up the last drops of our wine, "first of all, do you have any other big earrings other than hoops?"
"I think so, I'll have to go through my jewelry box."
"Wear some for me." He has a thing for big earrings, a fetish that is easy to manage, "Then I want you to take all your clothing of except for heels..."
"Are my boots OK?" I was wearing tall 5 inch black leather boots that clung to my legs like a pair of gloves.
"Yes. Also I want you to find some music you'd like to hear and put that on." That sounds easy but my idea of good music involves Marshall stacks and his involves a harpsichord. "Also, no light except your candles." I have a little makeshift altar on my dresser of various candles, from smelly votives to ones involving Jesus.
"OK" All this was a non-issue for me
"Take out the red box and put it on the edge of you bed." This is the box of our various toys,ropes,and other sexual accouterments.
"I will call you on my way over, I will give you enough time to unlock your door. You are to be waiting for me in your kneeing position."
"No problem."
We left the restaurant, he went to take care of some bs, and I went home and scrambled around for some music. I like Slayer, Teacher likes Bach. I settled on Roxy Music's "Avalon." You can't get sexier or smoother than some Bryan Ferry. I lit my candles, peeled my dress off, but fresh batteries in my vibrators and waited, and waited. I am the world's most impatient woman. I even found some pretty blue glass bead earrings to wear for him.
After what seemed forever Teacher called me. "I'm about 5 minutes away."

I went and unlocked my door.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I pretty much live in the proverbial hood. I am also very much a scaredy cat.

My apartment was dark, except for my candles, I managed my way back to my room, and got into position, kneeling, sitting on my feet, my legs spread and my palms upturned on either thigh. My head was down.

The longer I was in position, the more vulnerable I felt. I imagined someone other than Teacher walking in on me. I lock my door even to take out my garbage 15 feet away from my door, so this is something I always fear. Teacher knows that about me. A

Bathed in the glow of the candles, I felt more naked than nude. I was there for the taking. I knew in my heart that it would be Teacher coming into the room, but my mind was racing.

The door creaked, my heart started to race. I heard the footsteps coming towards my room. I was instructed to advert my gaze, so I only knew by sneaking a quick look that yes, it was Teacher in my room.

My body erupted into goosebumps as I heard him get his stuff together, at this point I was feeling very much my submissive self. He leaned down into me and kissed my neck. My feet were falling asleep underneath me, the heels of my boots digging into the flesh of my buttocks. Still, I was determined to present myself as requested.

While he did not ask me to, I closed my eyes. I am a notorious fidget, and I knew if I didn't keep my eyes closed, I would not be able to get into the right head space where I could keep myself from squirming.

In the darkness there is no time, so I don't know how long I was waiting before I felt Teacher's hand come around my neck, pulling my head towards his mouth to kiss my throat.

Still in position, he placed a leather blindfold over my already closed eyes. He tied my hands behind my back with rope and walked away. I heard him rustle around, I didn't know what was going to come next.

Every tiny hair on my body stood up as the tiny strand of leather on top of his crop trickled up and down my back, and broke out into small smacks. He kneeled behind me, lifted my blindfold, and then brought the crop in front of me to see him play my body like it was a violin, slowly wielding the leather across my breasts and around my nipples. The music that emitted was small moans from mouth and drops of wetness from my cunt.

Pulling the blindfold back down, I was escorted to another part of the room, made to bend over to accept the leather bound strikes across my ass and back. I am so accustomed to his bare handed spankings that the sting of the leather always gives me a bit of a shock. Wincing, I accepted each swat with an exhale trying to work through the pain.

My legs were willingly pushed apart by small swats of the crop, I felt myself lower my pussy so it too could be smacked all the while knowing the pain on my tender labia is the hardest to bear. Each snap made me want to crumble, but I still wanted more, but that was not to be, as the crop was laid down and Teacher worked his thick finger right into my wet cunt immediately going straight for my throbbing vaginal sponge. A master of the g-spot, he had me instantly writhing into an orgasm instantaneously. As one who has historically had a rough time getting off, this was yet another breakthrough. Perhaps if all my previous lovers had been so skilled and attentive as Teacher is with my body, then this orgasm would have been old hat, but that was not the case.

Barely catching my breath, he then inserted his cock into my pussy that was still pulsing from cumming. With each thrust, I pushed my ass back towards him so he could feel the warmth of the pain he inflicted upon me. I turned into a bit of a little beast, and could not stop myself from biting him partially as an outlet of my pleasure, and subsequently marking my territory. "X was here." He repeated the favor, and we bit and clawed at one another until he came inside me, both of us collapsing with pleasure.

My blindfold was still intact, but I was able to find my way to lay my head upon Teacher's belly. He stroked my hair, and I nodded off in a state of bliss.

photo, and more hot photos from sex & submission

Lesson 3 - Thank You Home Depot

For ten minutes I struggled getting my stockings attached to my garter belt. I was determined. I'd get one side attached and the other side would pop off. There is nothing more unattractive than seeing a woman trying to get on a pair of pantyhose (well pantyhose fetishists may disagree), jumping around doing what I call "the pantyhose" dance. Well, I was doing stocking yoga. Finally all strapped and lacquered up, I was a sweaty mess and I am not a sweaty person. Deciding to go full on slut, I gilded the lily with a swipe of M.A.C. Red across my mouth.

My mouth.

Moments into Teacher greeting me in the parking lot, he gave me a deep, hot kiss and I painted his blondish-grey mustache bright red and apparently I looked like Robert Smith. So much for tramping it up.

Lipstick smears were the least of my worries, I knew Teacher had a lot in store for me. The anxiety of the unknown coupled with my adoration for him made me a horny little mess.

As always the chronology of the evening is a bit of jumble, but so be it.

I got up on the bed on my knees so I could kiss Teacher comfortably. He's a tall man and well, I'm vertically challenged. He grabbed my head and pulled me towards him, when he kisses it is like he is infusing me with his soul. I tremble every time, I don't think anyone else has made me moan when they have kissed me. Truly.

Teacher quickly unbuttoned my blouse, revealing my black lace demi bra. He yanked down the bra cups exposing my breasts, taking his time giving each nipple the attention they deserved. His tenderness was most certainly not a foreshadowing of what was to come.

I pulled down my skirt to show him the results of my ten minutes of struggling. He admired my work, and said he more than happy to allowed me to keep my stockings and boots on. The panties I wore with the garter & stockings, those quickly disappeared.

"Sit on the edge of the bed X"

I obeyed.

He went to his case and retrieved some rope and some hooks, or latches, I forgot what they were called.

This was going to be interesting.

Like the time before, I sat quietly and watched as he took his time wrapping the rope around each wrists. The entire time I was thinking how lucky I was to find someone who took pride in his work. He locked each bound wrist behind my back with the latches that were connected to the rope.

"Stand Up!"

I did. I knew he had gone to the Home Depot to pick up a few things to replace what was stolen. He had spent the day making a spreader bar in his workshop, but had accidently left it behind. So what else he had conjured up was unknown to me.

More rope in hand, he proceeded to do the same to my ankles, I struggled to look over my shoulder to watch.

He went back to his case and brought out a ball gag.

A gag. I knew this was coming. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for it. I'm so verbal. I am also one who has had her anxiety manifest itself in bouts of thinking I can't breathe. I don't tell him this. I am going to be a good sub. His good sub.

He places the blue rubber ball my mouth and ties the black string behind my head.

This is not bad, I think as I taste the rubber on my tongue and push my teeth into the ball. I can handle this. My heart is racing. My mind is racing. I am going to be a good sub, I am going to be his good sub.

Back to the case, he comes out with some clothespins. More newness. My only encounter with clothespins in my life was a summer spent working at a New England bed and breakfast hanging up wet sheets that were wrung through a horrible vintage washing machine. I had my fingers pinched a few times. How was this going to feel on my tits?

I breathed in, and out, trying to remember that I could breathe through my nose. Was I hyperventilating?

He took each breast and attached three (?) clothespins across each one my nipples. My large and now tender nipples which are light brown and the size of a silver dollar.

My terror is worse than the pain of the clips. I think I can handle this. I am going to be a good sub. I am going to be Teacher's good sub.

At this point I am lying down, starting to relish everything. The attention Teacher has devoted to me. My breathing is still heavy, and I'm certain I was making some hideous sounds through the gag, but when I felt the pressure of him tugging my labia to attach more clothespins, I did not feel any pain. This, I think is what the proverbial "they" have been talking about. I know that their are clothes pins on my pussy but it doesn't hurt any more.

He pulled me up and guided my bound self to the the full-length mirror. He is behind me.

"Look at yourself X," he said as he pulls my head to face reflection.

It was hard to do, but I did. I no longer recognize the woman in the mirror I know she is me,this bound, pinned and gagged person, but it is a me I have never known. I am blissed out, a tad scared, and very happy as Teacher pulls my head back onto his chest. "See how perfect you fit under me, see how gorgeous you look right now." I take another glimpse. It is a beauty I have never know. In all my years of slutting around I don't think I've ever seen myself in ecstasy in a mirror.

"Bend over!" Techer commanded.

I do. He proceeds to undo the clips that are holding my ankles and wrists together but rearranges them so I am clipped arm to ankle, arm to ankle.

The spanking begins.

I feel the weight of his thick fingers slapping my ass, over and over.

The weight changes and the spanking hurts even more, I am chewing the fuck out of the spit covered ball in my mouth that is stifling my cries. I don't know what he is spanking with me with until later that evening. It is a piece of wood "A 2x4" I joke with him, "No, a 1x6" Thank you Home Depot! I'm a squirmy bitch as usually, flailing around after each strike.

Then comes the equestrian whip thingie, Teacher as you read this please forgive me for not remembering what it is called. I call it that "horse stick" and all I know it is my favorite. Hilarious, I know. Each swat comes with a delicious sting, my tender ass. I'm not sure how much more I can take and for each strike I don' t think I can take I want more.

Lightheaded and horny the next thing I know is I'm lying back down.

He removes my gag. My jaw is stiff, I still feel like my mouth should remain open.

Teacher is now removing the clothespins, the clothespins that I have only noticed at this point as they smack my face as my tits swing towards me while I'm spanked.

Oh cool, this will feel much better. OH BOY WAS I WRONG!

As each pin was removed, hot pain flashed through me and my nipples were overcome with sensitivity. "Scream in my mouth," he said as he violently kissed me. As I feel his soft lips meeting mine, I felt the searing heat of the removal for the clothes pins. Scream in his mouth I did. He took his time. I was going to be a good sub. His good sub.

More clothespins. My cunt.

As he removed each pin the pulse of pain was replaced by his wet mouth chewing and licking my labia. Holy fucking shit. Until last night I had not had the pleasure of him going down on me.

Unused to having hours of undivided attention of a lover, his tongue grazing over my hard little clit was a lot to handle. As he went to town on my slit, his long hair tickled my thighs and his mustache added a special little treat to the whole affair.

Licking, and chewing and fucking my hot cunt with his tongue sent me into a fucking tailspin of an orgasm, causing my legs to clamp together almost crushing Teacher's skull. Sublime.

The evening had only just begun. I had to take care of my Teacher. His engorged prick was waiting for my mouth, and I was happy to take it all it, trying to angle his curves to my throat clawing at his ass pulling him closer to me. The taste of salty pre-cum only made me want to take in more of him, but I am pushed back.

My legs are pulled toward the edge of the bed where he is now standing, and proceeds to fuck the bloody daylights out of yours truly. Animalistic, hot sweaty fuck making me cum once again. Lucky for me, his thick cock is curved just so and the once elusive penetration orgasm is not so elusive anymore.

The rest of the evening we were a tangle of biting, fucking, clawing, spanking with some sweet pillow talk in between. I feel safe lying there next to Teacher, against his big barrel chest looking up to his blue eyes and his strong arms hugging me to his soul.

Waking up is usually a difficult task for me, but not this morning. Poor Teacher, (who I have deduced is not a morning person, )I was perky and horny, pawing at him sleeping like a cat wanting him to wake up to pet me.

He kindly administered a request to give me a good bye spanking. I pulled my skirt up and leaned over the bed, this time truly realizing the pleasure of the spanking for me is afterwards. I drove home with major fuck hair-tangles and dreads, a red ass, and a big smile. I was going to be Teachers good sub. Now I know I can.

At work today I made numerous trips to the bathroom at work today just to feel the warmth of the evening before.

Ahhhhhh

Purposefully unedited by SubNouveau who is now so horny from thinking about all this she is going to have to go get her rub on.

ps. the lighting & self-portraiture do my ass marks any justice, oh well.