This is definitely a transitional period.

Teacher, as I have mentioned, has put the bug in my ear about considering taking our BDSM out of the bedroom, to expand my horizons as a sub, for us to be able to evolve to a a deeper D/s relationship.

If I have learned anything the past couple of months with Teacher is to be patient. I am so fucking antsy, anxious, impulsive, and impatient that within the first couple of weeks of us hanging out I was wondering when this would occur. Little did I know I was not ready at the time. Having spent my entire life in a rush, and rarely following through on anything I start, being able to see the results of us slowly build upon each meeting, each lesson has been a major area of growth. For you long time readers, you know I gave up counting my lessons quite some time ago. When I started this blog I did think that it was going to be like that, merely lessons-"Lesson A--spanking, Lesson B--bondage," but that has not been the case, and in this moment I am here to say I am glad that Teacher was not hurried, and I am glad I chose to follow his lead and be patient. I know I've ruined many a romantic, albeit vanilla, situation in the past by being impatient.

I am still "sub nouveau" there is no doubt in my mind, but I am increasingly becoming less "sub naive." When I first reached out into the sea of strangers to seek out knowledge of this artful way of living, I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into and I certainly didn't expect to meet such a wonderful person.

Today I mentioned to Teacher via email, that I was considering joining a gym, with my goal being able to have more stamina and flexibility, not to mention getting myself into shape. I am not a big woman, but I am not tiny either. Zaftig, majorly top heavy, with some nice gams. My problem is I fucking HATE to exercise. Well go figure that Teacher had joined the gym I was going to join just yesterday. I was concerned he wouldn't want me to be in his space, but quite the contrary. In fact, it appears a fitness regime is going to be part of our first foray into my submission to him outside of our regular trysts. We are to discuss this in more detail in person, but I already think I'm cool with it. I feel totally comfortable about my body with him, and he has never spoken negatively about my appearance. From what I am gathering from our correspondence, this is more about my long-term health, and as he put it "to be honest, my intention with all these homilies about health and diet, is not to be preachy or altruistic. I want you in better shape so I can use you harder and longer and you want that too." Meow! Yer darn tootin'!

We're to meet tomorrow night. I have oodles of questions for him. What has piqued my interest more than anything is "punishment" vs. regular play, and what to expect.

He's never seen "Secretary" but all day I thought about James Spader having Maggie Gyllenhaal eat her four peas, spoonfull of potatoes and all the ice cream she wanted. When I first saw that movie, I didn't think that was sick like the friend who watched the movie with me, but very sexy. To surrender myself to Teacher, I think will be a beautiful thing.

So in this transition, I am getting closer to the submissive experience I had been yearning for all these years whether I knew it or not.

photo from "the training of o"