Subness

I must say I am still in a bit of a daze from last night. I didn't realize as such until I was driving home from the office this evening. It is not abnormal for me to zone out a tad while I sit in the gridlock, but today I was genuinely in la-la land. I am grateful I made it home safely. For what is worth, for some reason I also kept playing Led Zeppelin's "In My Time of Dying" in a loop. I am assuming it is just because it rocks. But then isn't sub space a peek into another state of being? Not to mention the orgasm being the "little death."

This past weekend I picked up a copy of "the New Bottoming Book" which half-way through has already been a great source of information, and has made me think a lot about myself as a submissive. While may seem on the surface obvious, but I honestly had it in my thick skull that a submissive should fit, no pun intended, into a little box. Thing is, just as I am in the vanilla world, I'm in many boxes. Yes my fellow subs and slaves, we are all different and just because you might like to have light bulbs stuck up your ass and be slapped in the face, and I don't doesn't make me any less of a sub.

Teacher has never ever done anything to make me feel insecure about my submissiveness, quite the contrary, but I guess I had a personal competition with myself and this imaginary uber-sub, or more so a slave. Teacher has had a slave in the past, albeit a long distance one, and I guess there was (is?) a part of me that felt like if I couldn't be as such for him that I wouldn't make him happy, but guess what? I was full of shit!

In fact last night I read him a list out of the book that went over different roles and then different emotions a sub may feel or fantasize about. It became more apparent that say, that I'll never be service oriented, nor wish to be humiliated, or various other things. Nor is he requesting I be/do as such. But for the things I don't wish to be or do, there are oodles of things I do want to or am experiencing.

Also, the book had a paragraph that a bottom should be greedy, greedy in that they should be vocal about their wants and needs. Lord knows I've been as such. I'm a bossy, boisterous Aries, and have been chastizes by others (not Teacher)for being overzealous about my wishes and desires. This got me thinking that, you know, I hadn't asked Teacher what HE wanted. So I posed that question to him. In his sexy way, he peered over his glasses right into my eyes and informed me that he always does what he wants. It was at that moment that I knew all was good in the in universe.

I'm sure I'll read this tomorrow and think this doesn't make an iota of sense, but being where I was last night has made my being a sub a lot more potent than I had ever imagined.

Oh yeah, the book, pick up a copy, it is well-written and full of great insight into the mind of a bottom.

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