Killing Me

I know I've been quite prolific with my posts on here. Writing is my true love, it is not a chore for me to posts. But the true reason was pointed out to me last night by Teacher.
"You don't have anyone you can share this part of your life with except online."

It is killing me.

I told him, I've always have been an open book. Too open. In fact, it was advise to me that I need to learn boundaries by a professional. I worked diligently on it all winter, from my appearance to learning to say "no." It was and has not been an easy task.

Maybe because I am writer, a storyteller, I just HAVE to share everything. With my female friends we're always sharing the dirty details of our conquests, and I'm known to be the least shy out of the bunch. I've taken numerous girls to get their first vibrators, I've had midnight calls of girls crying that they can see because someone jizzed in their eyes, as much as I have shared people have shared with me.

Having this "secret" life is so new to me, I don't know what to do with myself. As I wrote previously, I was advised by my one friend in the Lifestyle to keep my piehole shut, and well he doesn't want to share.

I feel like I do on Christmas and Birthdays when I am so excited about giving someone their gift, I want to tell them so bad, but I can't. I'll say stuff like "Oh you're really going to love what I got you!"

I'm about to burst. Maybe in the future I will have some female friends who are openly in the lifestyle and we can go shopping for fetish gear and talk spankings over lattes. Or maybe not. Maybe this is what I've needed, the learn the secret of keeping parts of me secret. Sure the Internet is not secret, but my geeky ass needs to do this right now.

If you share everything, than what is left to share.