Discreet

"We must keep this discreet," which means if you tell somebody I'll kick your ass.

I have one friend, a platonic one, whose penchant for BDSM was outed by a nosy roommate. He was cool about it at first, answering all of our questions and being good humoured. Then he soured, or rather my group of pals pissed him off. It is a group who thrive on picking on one another, good natured teasing, and pretty much anything is fair game. Mind you these are my male friends. He got sick of being the source of everyone's jokes, and announced he wished that part of his life to be private. We all obliged. Save the few "He's tied up right now" jokes. Back then, he did initially keep dicussing stuff with me, as it was the time with of my initial curiosity until he decided I was the instigator of the ribbing. I wasn't, but I do tend to be a smart ass, so I was an easy target. After a vicious fight, I let it be.

Well here I am many years later, and I wanted to get the scoop on some lifestyle questions from someone I trusted. He was very informative and concerned about my welfare, as any friend would be. I was elated.

Sadly, I woke up to a message from him. He wished to retreat back into his private shell. Our conversations made him uncomfortable, being that we were friends. True. Of course a friend who has thrown me over the couch, slapped me across the face, and threatened to choke me. Drunkenness. Perhaps. You decide. Of course, he's done countless kind things for me, he just loves to rile me up. Everyone does. It is pretty easy.

Anyway, I respect his wishes. He also advised me to be discreet with whom I shared my predilection. He had ruined numerous relationships, and lost a few close-minded souls along the way. He doesn't want me to experience what he went through. We agreed to be discreet. I agreed to not ask him anything else about BDSM. I do not wish him to be uncomfortable, and he well, he has a point. Despite my enthusiasm, I need to be able to work on my boundaries with this facet of my life. I've worked this past year on becoming more of a private person, I used to always lay it out on the table. I still have more work ahead. In the interim, we still have plans to spend time together.

Later I on I started thinking of another facet of this situation. Rare is the night I go out and not see someone I know. It is big enough that you don't know everyone, but small enough that you do. Perhaps he does not want me to see him in action, on his game. I can totally understand. I know I'll feel that way in the near future.

On the surface, it seems pretty fucking sad that one must hide their twisted desires. I'll never stop being frustrated at those who are unaccepting of lifestyle differences. But I realized, perhaps, for now, the discretion and secretiveness can be sexy.

Just not on my blog!