Bad, Bad Sub

Tonight was supposed to be a night for celebration and I fucked it up.

1. I decided to take a nap. I overslept. Teacher called me when he was near my house and I woke up in a panic. Half asleep and discombobulated I jumped in the shower.
2. Because I overslept I had no time to make any preparations, much less prepare myself.
3. Teacher was cool about it, but my fuck-up hung over me like a black cloud.
4. This is when it gets bad. I had it in my head that I wanted a bit of a struggle. Basically I was topping from the bottom without giving Teacher any indication as such. So when he tried to put the cuffs on me, I got bratty. I put the blindfold on me and attempted to put me in position. I struggled. Blindfolded I didn't realize he was miffed. Then he brought out a new dragon tongue whip he purchased and thwacked me a bunch, then he switched to spanking me and well, he stopped.
He pulled the blindfold up over one of my eyes and looked at me.
"Do you not want to do this?"
"Yes. Why?"
"It doesn't seem as such X."
"You know I always tell you if I don't want to."
5. I explained to him that I was looking for it to be rougher and well, it came apparent that I had fucked up. He explained to me how important it is for me to tell him these things before we play, not during, as he thought my resistance was disinterest and he did not want to continue if that is something I didn't want to do. I respect him for that. I guess in my mind I wanted him to punish me for being a brat, and well, he might be smart, but he's not psychic. My play role apparently was only in my head.
6. Scenus Interuptus.
7. I am surprised I didn't cry.
8. I apologized. I felt like a total jerk. It just totally ruined the mood for the rest of the evening and of course, that upset me.
9. Teacher and I fucked, but I was so mad at myself I couldn't come even though it felt amazing.
10. He still left with a smile on his face, but I am so upset right now. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize what we have, much less do anything that might make him seek out some bitch.


MasterABD said...

Don't stress the minor details in life. If you overslept it was because your body needed it. Don't beat yourself up over it.